Man, I just got back driving from Illinois back to North Carolina. Fuck, fuck fuck, that was the worst that drive has ever been. I was already feeling sad and confused about leaving my dad again... but then there was construction constantly. We had to detour and stop a bunch of times, and the places we were seemed so terribly sad and desperate... billboards were garishly screaming at people to BUY THIS AND BE THIS, and people were doing it. And it was fucking crawling like an infestation, you could barely move on the highway from all the people. A previously beautiful town I used to stay in sometimes as a kid was overrun and terrible and scarred. I started thinking about how much we've fucked up the environment, like really it all hit me, oh fuck, we're unforgivable psychopaths. Oh god, what have we done?? Heard some good music though, which helped me, and my loving girlfriend was there with me. But then I saw a dead cat in the middle of the road. She was so sweet-looking, had a collar and was obviously loved, was very beautiful... and her face was looking up from her body and she was staring at me. And right then, the tape player in my car decided to stop working, with 4 hours left to go. The cat was all I could think about, it was horrifying. I wanted to go back and move her off to the side of the road because I didn't want her to get flattened and turned into roadkill for when her people found her. But I didn't go back because it was a 60mph highway in the mountains. It was really disturbing, I couldn't shake it. And then like 15 minutes later I saw a dead dog, the same way except with a long splatter of blood over to the side of the road like it dragged itself away. What. The. Fuck.

The rest of the drive was physical and emotional torture. It was on top of a week of facing my dad near the end and also watching the Chicagoland news every night and my mom preaching anti-Trump stuff at me and repeating the same stuff over and over and all I can think about the whole time is how fucking fucked up shit is.
Until I got to my mountain region. As soon as we crossed the border, it somehow just became sublimely beautiful. Everything turned purple and there were cloud mist pillars and wisps floating up into the sky all around, and the air felt different, and I felt like all of that melted away when I got home . It's still there but I feel like I can face all of that stuff again. This place is magic to me, it's so crazy. I'm SO glad I live here, I think I'd be in a way different mental and emotional space than I'm in now if I hadn't moved here. I truly, truly love this place.