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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Distancing Talk Thread: Swirly Congregation That's 100% Pandemic-Proof

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Yep... I don't want to tell her because it'll just make her feel worse about herself. One time I've admitted to her how challenging it is and how helpless I feel, instead of being positive about it, because I was just really overwhelmed and started crying when she was crying. She was like, I'm so sorry I'll do better, I'm fine. And then she tried to put on a brave face but she obviously added it to her list of things to be upset at herself about. I was like dude, I don't want you to feel sorry to me, I just want you to be nice to yourself, and believe that you can get past this. It's such a helpless feeling. At least when I was depressed I could do something about it.

It's not just my girlfriend either right now, it's also my dad who is nearing the end after suffering for the past 5 years from ALS... he basically exists in his own personal Hell all the time and my mom does too since she takes care of him... she's kinda losing it, and she kinda hates him now without meaning to where before they were always each others' best friend. It's horrible to see. I have some other serious worries about loved ones too but these are the two main ones. You can't really escape or do anything about this sort of pain because it's not caused by anything I can change or that's my fault.

One thing I can do is chill out on the drugs, I've been using stims in particular too frequently lately to deal. I've kinda been going in cycles and recently it's been a lot and it's not making me more emotionally stable, that's for sure. I started using phenibut pretty regularly again too which I need to use more sparingly because I used it regularly for years and had to spend about a month withdrawing from it like half a year ago. And I notice that on the 2nd day after I take it, I have a more emotionally volatile day. So today is just not good from any angle, I did way too much of a monoamine releaser over the weekend and it's the 2nd day after phenibut and I slept very poorly for the last few nights. Everything is looking darker at the moment but that will pass. But man, fuck this day, I hate it. :\
 
Xorkoth said:
Yep... I don't want to tell her because it'll just make her feel worse about herself. One time I've admitted to her how challenging it is and how helpless I feel, instead of being positive about it, because I was just really overwhelmed and started crying when she was crying. She was like, I'm so sorry I'll do better, I'm fine. And then she tried to put on a brave face but she obviously added it to her list of things to be upset at herself about. I was like dude, I don't want you to feel sorry to me, I just want you to be nice to yourself, and believe that you can get past this. It's such a helpless feeling. At least when I was depressed I could do something about it.

It's not just my girlfriend either right now, it's also my dad who is nearing the end after suffering for the past 5 years from ALS... he basically exists in his own personal Hell all the time and my mom does too since she takes care of him... she's kinda losing it, and she kinda hates him now without meaning to where before they were always each others' best friend. It's horrible to see. I have some other serious worries about loved ones too but these are the two main ones. You can't really escape or do anything about this sort of pain because it's not caused by anything I can change or that's my fault.

One thing I can do is chill out on the drugs, I've been using stims in particular too frequently lately to deal. I've kinda been going in cycles and recently it's been a lot and it's not making me more emotionally stable, that's for sure. I started using phenibut pretty regularly again too which I need to use more sparingly because I used it regularly for years and had to spend about a month withdrawing from it like half a year ago. And I notice that on the 2nd day after I take it, I have a more emotionally volatile day. So today is just not good from any angle, I did way too much of a monoamine releaser over the weekend and it's the 2nd day after phenibut and I slept very poorly for the last few nights. Everything is looking darker at the moment but that will pass. But man, fuck this day, I hate it. :\
Click to expand...

<3.
 
Thanks guys. I feel moderately better. My girlfriend is coming over to take care of a sick orchid she has at my house, I was gonna just hang out at home and watch TV but this'll be good too, she sounds like she's in a good mood. I haven't smoked weed all day because it tends to exacerbate anxiety but I probably will once it gets dark and after I take care of a couple of things and at that point it'll probably help me feel better. I'm doing some cleaning up and re-setting up my office that I re-painted this weekend.

One thing that got me feeling slightly better happened at work... well at first it was additional stress but it turned out fine. Like a week ago a program accessed through a web site that I use every day for work stopped working, our company security software kept blocking it and we're not allowed to alter anything about the security software. We recently had all this security training too, and the parent company which is a big multinational corporation is getting serious about it. Well, we opened a support ticket and they asked me to run diagnostics and send them the results, and then wanted to remote my PC so they could figure out the issue. They seemed to think I probably had a virus. I started to panic because I'm pretty lax about what I visit on my work computer... it's my only computer because I work from home and get a free computer that I exchange for a new one every 3 years. I've been working there 12 years and never had any issues so I Bluelight, visit, ahem, gray market sites, etc etc on my work computer. I've also streamed videos from streaming sites often and the security software has blocked tons of stuff. So I was getting really paranoid they were going to find out about all that stuff. But I got the guy on the phone and he told me to try adding the domain to the trusted sites in my browser and it solved the issue and they closed the ticket. Which was obviously a big relief. No idea why I suddenly needed to add it as a trusted site after 12 years of it not mattering but okay, fine. :)
 
Pharmakos, you are in my thoughts, and I will pray for you. I haven't been, and I'm sorry. (Indulge me, atheists out there.) All you can do is keep on doing what you've been doing, up the antioxidants and all that, right?

Xorkoth, man, I understand how you feel, and what that situation is like, enough to know I have no advice except what I KNOW is a good move, and you've already said it, "chill out on the drugs." If you can do it, (and I know you can) remember to find a healthy alternative, like exercise, cooking... and your ability to cope and handle what you have becomes achievable.
 
So I’ve taken a long break from weed. Like three years without smoking. Decided to get a bag recently and smoke again. A lot has changed since my last smoke. Weed is legal now in California and turns out one of the few dispensaries in the state selling to the public is five minutes from work. Got myself an indica heavy hybrid (lambs bread) and a sativa heavy hybrid (key lime sherbert) and had myself my first legal smoke. Very satisfying experience. The tax is kinda high, like 35% or so, which adds up the bill quite quite a bit. Happy to pay it though though I can see this being a problem for some. The 35% supplemental tax is high enough where it will keep some black market growers in business.

Man, three years will reset your tolence. I’ve been getting totally ripped. Forgot what that was like. It’s been nice to have a smoke again after so long. Don’t like the hangover feeling I get in the morning though. Wake up with this fuzzy head feeling which goes away later in the day or if I have a smoke. So yeah, now that I’m stocked and the novelty factor is still high I’ve been smoking daily. Don’t want to go back to that though. Whatever, just rambling while I wait for my food to come. Take care all.
 
^Actually my girl knows some black market growers in Cali and she says they're finding it VERY hard to survive unless they're selling it at the consumer level, and most sell to middle-men who sell to consumers because they're trying to sell by the pound. Apparently because of the huge commercial grows that are producing the stuff you're finding it dispensaries, their price they can charge has dropped massively, like by a factor of 5. We can't talk about prices, but I was absolutely shocked, like, damn man, why can't I get a pound for that? I would and I'd just keep ounces vaccuum sealed and I'd be getting my weed like 10 times cheaper.

Just A Guy said:
Xorkoth, man, I understand how you feel, and what that situation is like, enough to know I have no advice except what I KNOW is a good move, and you've already said it, "chill out on the drugs." If you can do it, (and I know you can) remember to find a healthy alternative, like exercise, cooking... and your ability to cope and handle what you have becomes achievable.
Click to expand...

Yeah for sure. I feel like I'm coming down with a cold or something, I haven't slept very much in 3 days even though I tried to go to bed early last night and instead had a terrible dream while half sleeping all night that kept going every time I woke up and dozed off again. I feel sufficiently bad today that I feel a lot more motivated to chill out. I've been having these cycles for a while, where I do really well and I work out and don't do much but maybe drink once a week and smoke a little weed and trip every so often. And then I'll have a period of a few weeks or months where I do a lot of stimulants and drink more often and generally have bad discipline about things. Getting back to working out again will be a good thing.
 
Its that time again 8(

Going with 200mcg 1p and 1.5tabs of eth lad

I think this will be my last legit trip till weather is constantly nice. I want to trip out in the sunlight for an entire trip:). Its gonna be hard to wait 1-2 months so I might go balls to the wall and do 200mcg of ethlad with the 200mcg of 1plsd.
 
Well dogs nice knowing ya I'm bout to get booked. If I heard the situation correctly I will be indicted in the middle district of pennsylvania as in Federal.
I may even make the news street cred up 200%
They'll allege I was engaged in trafficking methamphetamine. I doubt that a jury at trial would convict me of that rather than just poss meth mixture.
The surveillance video (they were watching me even when I wasn't using) should be the lulz and it'll show they acted with reckless indifference towards my safety, it'll help if you show a jury here's where they were fuckin with me trying to take me at night leading me to eat whatever I have.
Again you guys may think oh he's loony
A. I'm not even wrecked atm. Fucked up but not wrecked
B. This shit is mad clean and I got pics last time that proved they WERE set up on the alley.
I'll post a pic
 
Idk bro. If it were me and I knew people were watching me I wouldnt even be posting to a drug forum even if youre always using tor+vpn.

Good luck man! Always keep your head up!
 
I remember the last time you thought you were going to prison and they were watching you. Good luck man, I hope you're just being loony, but if not, you got this, you'll grow from it hopefully.
 
I found out yesterday that one of my best friends and his girlfriend are going to have a baby. :) They're kinda in shock because they thought there was no chance of it happening, but they're also excited. I'm also excited, not only do I get to be an actual uncle soon (since my little bro and his wife are due for their first in May), I get to a friend family uncle too! :)

My weekend has been pretty good.
 
still here
apparently that was just delusions (i wasnt even up a full day....the fuck???)
it was some heat tho. i hadnt gotten that wrecked in a minute but when i swallowed like maybe .3-.4 it didnt fuck me up the way i was expecting.
i havent done none since friday night and i feel normal finally.
i ended up not coming straight home. i ended up going to baltimore from DC yesterday and i walked to the bay and just sat by the water for a while.
i had been smokin reefers though maybe thats why it (allegedly) made me loony that quick? its funny i was crashing when i was coming into DC saturday night..it was like in spun everything that could go wrong did but once i hit the club i was a little high again (?????) and once i hit the dance floor i was sweating and all that again twitching and all that in the good way...
weird.
i dont think im gonna try to force this thing again i cop the shit with tbe intention of bringing it to the club but end up doing it all beforehand and going loony. im just gonna stick with acid
how the fuck can i eat mad tabs and be fine like in public even but i go (allegedly) loony off speed now even when i dont ball out (cause i really dont ball out anymore like the way i used to)
 
I think the more often you go psychotic, the easier it is to get back there.

Man, last night I unlocked a flow state by taking one of the nicest combos of drugs I've had: phenibut, propylhexedrine, 3-MeO-PCP and 3-HO-PCP. And a slow stream of alcohol, just a few. Words flowed very freely and I felt amazing and social, and music was crazy good, I ended up playing for everyone there while they chilled for hours, alternating my delay pedal with really long repeats and no delay. I found myself understanding the melodic and rhythmic flow to maybe the greatest extent I've ever felt it... it was no-fail zone. I felt like I had all the time in the world to do anything, and everything felt effortless. Today I've surprisingly been on a great afterglow and we had band practice, and I felt the same thing. We recorded run-throughs of most of our songs from our EP and several spontaneous jams/grooves, with 2 solid new song ideas. I'm gonna keep playing a lot to cement my level-up. =D Sometimes drugs can be useful.
 
I see a cool event is coming up soonish, for anyone who lives in the SoCal area and is interested:



WAKING UP WITH PSYCHEDELICS : A CONVERSATION EXPLORING PSYCHEDELICS AND CONSCIOUSNESS

Waking up with Psychedelics will no doubt be an honest discussion and potentially controversial evening. This event explores whether there is a meritorious relationship existing between ancient wisdom traditions and psychedelics. Are mind-altering substances a legitimate means of personal transformation?

It’s inarguable that many westerners have found spirituality through the use of psychoactive substances. It’s also true that practitioners with established contemplative disciplines incorporate mind-expanding plant medicines and chemicals as a tool to go deeper into their consciousness. Beyond the mystical aspects, scientists are researching the potential benefits of psychedelics as therapeutic agents for mental health issues including depression, anxiety, addiction, and end-of-life care.

On Sunday, May 13, 2018, Vincent Horn, Buddhist Geeks podcast host, will moderate a panel conversation including two western pioneers of eastern traditions - Ram Dass, legendary spiritual teacher live-streaming from Maui, and Trudy Goodman, LA’s senior mindfulness teacher and founder of InsightLA, partnering with Spring Washam, author, teacher and healer, and Dr Charles Grob, UCLA psychedelic researcher - each providing their unique perspectives on the use of psychedelics in the waking-up process.

Music by Johnny Mesa

7:15pm - 9:30pm
Sunday May 13th
Hollywood Forever Cemetery

InsightLA.org

[the bit about Trudy being "LAs senior mindfulness teacher" is most definitely a matter of opinion, but he she's still pretty outstanding]
 
i gotta get a job this not having money shit is played out.
idk if i'll end up hittin the burgh at all in april cause may is a good month for dnb in washington, i'm tryin to go down there 3 weeks in a row, and i'll need at least a 10strip and possibly a gram of my trashy girl too for when i see hype.
quittin tweak is honestly gonna go out the window when i see DJ hype idgaf.
cause for real when i tweak i just listen to jumpup all night as it is.
anyone wanna take bets on whether or not i go loony? i've got 10-1 odds saying I will be loony until I get down there (this time i was full loony all day until i left for washington, then i was crashin, then i was tweakin again????)
this is a solid month and a half away so i've got plenty of time to build everything up and then smash it all to pieces.
at least i'm honest enough to know its gonna happen.
it'll be worth it as long as i get to see hype fuckin tweaked outta my mind though for real. oh shit though
i smoked reefers a few times i may or may not fail a drug test for a job. i'm relatively skinny which helps and i dont regularly smoke reefers so hopefully i can get an interview in like a week or so then i'd def be good cause its been like i think a week since I hit the reefers. 2 blunts.
my brains gonna be swiss cheese by 50 cause idk if i'll ever totally quit speed cause as it is i dont do it like that
but shit if i get a job first check straight 8ballz idgaf cause if they're watching me i wanna put on a nice show for em.
i get real depraved when i sit and kill a whole 8ball and thats enough that if i eat it for the lulz it'll be a real sight to behold. you guys have no idea how much speed i've just eaten over the last few months because "the cops" is after me. like say my delusions was correct last time, which they could have been...then they saw me eat my shit, sit at my table and blow lines, all that like FUCK YOU
they're lucky theres nowhere for me to steal anhydrous from or i'd have my basement boomin
i'd be the best lookin "white trash methhead" mugshot ever though cause fr i dont look like a methhead.
it was hilarious i lost it when in rehab this dude from georgia came up to me and said sunshine you're really into that meff in that accent
like yeah fuck it
i am a methhead
 
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I don't understand why you seem to enjoy bragging about your enormously self-destructive behaviors, the awareness you have around their - it sounds inevitable - crashes, and joking about going loony, to people that genuinely care about your well-being and have invested an, at this point, pretty big amount of time and energy into supporting and caring for you. It feels like a big ole "Fuck You" to me. Seriously. Why would you ever brag about knowingly going psychotic, possibly getting jailed, and more to it sounds like some of the few people in this world that care about you.

I say this with all the love in the world, dude. What the fuck.
 
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