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PAWS, tougher than I thought!

J

Jarhead

Greenlighter
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May 29, 2013
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Stand by me & you'll never stand alone!
So many many times in the past when I would run out of my fent. I of course was hit SUPER hard with physical WDs that made me pray for death and left me begging to god to just let me get out of WDs and I would quite. Well I guess he finally listened and delivered, because 7 days ago when I ran out yet again the WDs never came. I just slid into PAWS I guess. Well I totally have under estimated to emotional part of it.

I have been emotionless and exhausted almost all week. I have small windows of time (mins. some times) where I feel normal and good. I try my best to remind myself that this is only temporary. Instead of spending every waking moment focused on how to get a fix, to every min. on how to expand those few moments of normalcy to longer and longer. Sometime with success sometimes not.

I have to give credit to my wife for her support!<3

The battle goes on!!
 
I was in the exact position as you.

I thought withdrawals would only be bad physically, but the emotional part REALLY made it super hard on me. I've been clean since early march off opiates and I STILL experience emotional difficulties.

I'm happy to hear you have a support system- that is SO vital.

Things will start to get back to "normal" emotionally for you soon, but you're still going to have "those days" for a while. Part of recovery is coping with the emotions that you may have tried to mask with drug use. Therapy may help- its something I'm still trying to find the courage to get into/make the first appointment.

You can do it. We can do it.
 
Thank you all for the support. Like many addicts, my addiction started with an attempt to ease suffering from physical pain by self medicating. Very quickly I found it treated my PTSD along with depression much the same way it treats physical pain. Opiates don't really take away pain..only change the perception of it. Anything that has the power to stop that either severe physical or emotional pain comes at a VERY high cost!
 
Jarhead said:
Thank you all for the support. Like many addicts, my addiction started with an attempt to ease suffering from physical pain by self medicating. Very quickly I found it treated my PTSD along with depression much the same way it treats physical pain. Opiates don't really take away pain..only change the perception of it. Anything that has the power to stop that either severe physical or emotional pain comes at a VERY high cost!
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Yes it does. It almost seems to fit with the phrase that if it seems too good to be true, then it is.

My addiction has started the SAME way. It treated my physical pain, then emotional pain, then I was hooked because I finally felt fucking happy. But after the addiction is over, the emotions you were trying to mask are still there.

What do you think will help you deal with your emotional scars?

{<3}
 
Thank you for the post. Your question about what will help with my emotional scars, isn't that the million dollar question.

The answer (for me) I found over the weekend following thanksgiving, my wife and kids went to families house. They live about 3 hours away, and since my back really acts up on drives that long is stayed home. It gave me time to really take a look at my life and where I had been and where I was going. It also gave me time to think about my combat PTSD, I realized the there really is no cure for it. The meds really are a band aide at best and really don't work. Counseling helped a great deal once I found the right one. However what I came to realize is that it ME that has to heal ME, not anyone else, not any meds. I have done some incredibly hard things so far in life, and PTSD is no different, it's a challenge.

My new way of dealing with my PTSD is to "own" it, yes I got it but I will no longer seek the drugs or anyone else to treat it. It's up to me to heal myself, no one can do it for me. Many say PTSD is the invisible wounds, and while I truly believe this. I think it's time the invisible wounds become the Visable scars. It's ok for me to let my PTSD symptoms show. With the help of my wife I no longer try and hide my pain.

That is how I now deal with the scars of war as well as 9/11 (I was a first responder to the attack).
 
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8 days into the battle and today is so much better. Emotions seem to be returning, I don't feel so flat and disconnected. Still very tough to muster any motivation to move much. One thing I have noticed is my sleep has improved dramatically. The past 5 or 6 years I could only sleep at most 2 hour at a time. I have read that opiates can actually induce insomnia.

Has anybody had insomnia while useing? Once you came clean did you notice your sleep improve (after the acute WDs)?
 
My sleep improved so much i cant even state how much.. i'm going to pm you a piece on paws.. sorry it will be long.. sounds like you turned the first corner.. watch out there is a really good chance those emotions will try and swallow you.. most likely be a rollercoaster, dont trust them for awhile.. ;)
 
Jarhead said:
It gave me time to really take a look at my life and where I had been and where I was going. It also gave me time to think about my combat PTSD, I realized the there really is no cure for it. The meds really are a band aide at best and really don't work. Counseling helped a great deal once I found the right one. However what I came to realize is that it ME that has to heal ME, not anyone else, not any meds. I have done some incredibly hard things so far in life, and PTSD is no different, it's a challenge.

My new way of dealing with my PTSD is to "own" it, yes I got it but I will no longer seek the drugs or anyone else to treat it. It's up to me to heal myself, no one can do it for me. Many say PTSD is the invisible wounds, and while I truly believe this. I think it's time the invisible wounds become the Visable scars. It's ok for me to let my PTSD symptoms show. With the help of my wife I no longer try and hide my pain.

That is how I now deal with the scars of war as well as 9/11 (I was a first responder to the attack).
Click to expand...

This is very powerful and i admire you so much for owning your experience, being proactive and also for your transparency. I think that you will be able to integrate your experiences more and more over time. I am also glad that you have a supportive wife.<3
 
Thank you for your post. I find it somewhat ironic that when I found this site 2 years ago I learned how to abuse fentanyl >snip<

Now things have sort of come full circle and now look to the site to help with support and recovery.
 
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I am past day ten, I'm closer to 2 weeks clean of opiates.

Man, emotions are such a bitch.....I'm very emotional by nature too, so PAWS are a legit challenge. Its more like all out war.
 
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