This my second post and I am new here so I am hoping that now that I have jumped into making this post that someone who knows what is going on here will move this if I posted it in the wrong place. I was prescribed Morphine sr for a failed back surgery by the V.A.. They told me it was the only thing they could do because Surgery may make the pain worse. I already couldn't deal with the pain so I accepted the the diagnosis and took the Morphine sr and the morphine ir for 5.5 years. After Obama fired the director of the V.A., I was told by my primary care doctor that I may have to cut back on my Morphine. So I had to ask who is my doctor now, Obama? At this point 27 of my brothers were commiting suicide because they couldn't deal with what war did to them anymore. Needless to say I was pissed, but it got me thinking. I was on on 145 mg of the sr and I could take 15 mg of the ir every 4 hours. I rarely took the ir because I would get depressed when I stopped taking it. So I decided that I was sick of morphine, I was sick of Obama and the V.A. and sick of not being able to defecate. So I cut back from 145 mg sr to 90 mg sr and no ir at all. 6 months later I told my primary care doctor what I had done at an appointment. She assured me that that would satisfy the powers to be. Then she told me that All opiate users were being piss tested and that I would have to submit to that or stop getting morphine from the V.A. Now I'm beginning to wonder what happened to the United States that I used to live in. So I told my doctor I would consider it, but let her know that this was not going to go down well. Well I went back and forth whether to just get a new doctor outside of the V.A. and finally went in for the piss test. As I was awaiting my appointment my nurse told me that the reason they piss tested me was because they wanted to make sure I was taking the drugs they were giving me. I walked out. I am a Viet Nam Era Veteran being treated for something I never wanted and I won't put up with that. I never took more than what was prescribed to me for 5 years and then cut myself back without any assistance from the V.A. I didn't think that I deserved that, the america I grew up in, you were innocent until proven guilty, now everyone is guilty until proven innocent. So I decide I don't care how much pain I am in I will not be treated like this and I got a new doctor who set me up to withdrawal over a 45 day period. Withdrawal sucked but I lived.
Now it has been 14 months since I jumped off and brings me to my questions. I still can not sleep all night. I go to sleep at eleven every night and usually wake up somewhere between 1:00 am and 4:30 am wide awake. I usually can't get back to sleep with out staying up for a couple of hours. I don't even know what a circadian rhythm is anymore. Every day when I do wake up I feel like crap. Not complaining just being honest. Plus since I jumped off my brain is retarded. I forget what I am talking about in the middle of a sentence. I can't recall things I know I know. Is this all part of PAWS? That's my question. I have been off the Morphine for 14 months, I still have no desire to ever use that again. I still have a bunch of morphine left that I am waiting for my Pharmacy to take unused drugs in, and I honestly have never even thought of taking one. My doctor did prescribe me some sleeping pills to get my sleep pattern regulates. Big mistake, when I stopped taking the sleeping pills I went into PAWS with a vengence. I would love more information about Paws. I thought about going to na to see if they know anything, but I don't want anyone to push their program on me, so here I am. Any info would be appreciated.
Now it has been 14 months since I jumped off and brings me to my questions. I still can not sleep all night. I go to sleep at eleven every night and usually wake up somewhere between 1:00 am and 4:30 am wide awake. I usually can't get back to sleep with out staying up for a couple of hours. I don't even know what a circadian rhythm is anymore. Every day when I do wake up I feel like crap. Not complaining just being honest. Plus since I jumped off my brain is retarded. I forget what I am talking about in the middle of a sentence. I can't recall things I know I know. Is this all part of PAWS? That's my question. I have been off the Morphine for 14 months, I still have no desire to ever use that again. I still have a bunch of morphine left that I am waiting for my Pharmacy to take unused drugs in, and I honestly have never even thought of taking one. My doctor did prescribe me some sleeping pills to get my sleep pattern regulates. Big mistake, when I stopped taking the sleeping pills I went into PAWS with a vengence. I would love more information about Paws. I thought about going to na to see if they know anything, but I don't want anyone to push their program on me, so here I am. Any info would be appreciated.