Past weeks have been hell

Have been abusing pills a lot more than usual. Definitely need to stop that because all I do is get fucked in the end. The withdrawal from Tramadol wasn't fun at all.... and the seizure I got from it. So stupid of me but I feel like all I want to do is get high until I'm six feet under. The truth is I don't and I'm trying so hard to get myself back together. It's just hard because school isn't going well (I hope I graduate), my best friend dies, divorce happening and so much other shit. Then on top of it I need to be there for my friend, who's mother is slowly dying from lung cancer. The chemo didn't work and surgery is not an option now so hopefully this round goes well or her mother is going to die. I feel so terrible because I don't know what to do.... All of this stress is getting really tiring and I don't know how much longer I can put up with it.