[/B]I'm enjoying my days off, man its nice to have 3 days off in a row again! I'm enjoying my chemicals too, but sadly, my tolerance is so high for meth, that I barely feel it. In the past when that's happened, that meant I needed to change brands or stop for awhile. I only have one direct connect for now. Linda has 2 others, but one has bogus shit and the other one is iffy. Maybe after my "weekend" is up, I'll just not reup until Sunday night, that way I won't be tempted to use when I'm trying to stay off the shit. Back in 2002, I had been practicing not using 90-120 days, then bought a teener and took a week off work to slam. That worked pretty well, so long as I didn't have any shit in the house aside from my "vacation" periods.
I think after 18 months or so of this specific discipline, I ended up getting stuck with way too much shit because I made a deliberate effort to stay the the fuck away from mooches, specifically Dave and Peter. Somehow, they seemed to get more of my stash than I did and it was all from being too much Mrs. Nice Guy too often. When I'm really fucked up and high, it's almost impossible for me to say no to people and people of course totally take advantage of that. That's why most of the time I stay by myself cause I can't afford to get everyone high. Anyway, the point was, when I was stuck with all that extra stash and had over a teener left over after I was done partying for the week, I had learned the discipline to not use any stash even if it was there. I want to get back to that discipline again.
Also, I've noticed for about 6 weeks now, my piss smells like strong chemicals. I drink lots of water, but this same thing happened, I noticed, at the end of 2006 before I stopped using for a couple years. I think that chemical smell went away after 6 wks clean and now it's back. I guess what that means is that the kidneys are not properly processing the meth or can't. That's kind of creepy to have your pee smell like chemicals. I know giving it a rest is the answer. What sucks is not so much not getting high, but having weeks or months of chronic fatigue to look forward to by not using. Sigh. Still, I hope I find the strength to bite the bullet and do it anyway.
It was good talking to Erik when he called yesterday. Unfortunately, my phone reception sucks dick when I'm at home, so we got cut off and when he called me back we got cut off again. I sent him a text telling him to expect a special card. I can't wait to hear what he thinks of it. I guess he's not doing much better than I am with chemicals, cause I guess he's doin speed now regularly in addition to however often he's doin his smack, kpins or valium, plus his daily methadone. That's the thing though. When you're short on cash, it's almost impossible to come up with cash to pay each and every day for methadone, but hell I guess out here it's just as expensive. It used to cost about $200-$240/mo, depending on the clinic you went to, back in 2004. Hell I have my hands full with just the meth and pills, in fact had to cut my pill use in 1/2, due to my insurance company charging $40 copay instead of 10.
So, I'm going to take one more hit tonight, then decide whether or not to take a hit of acid 2nite or tomorrow.
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I think after 18 months or so of this specific discipline, I ended up getting stuck with way too much shit because I made a deliberate effort to stay the the fuck away from mooches, specifically Dave and Peter. Somehow, they seemed to get more of my stash than I did and it was all from being too much Mrs. Nice Guy too often. When I'm really fucked up and high, it's almost impossible for me to say no to people and people of course totally take advantage of that. That's why most of the time I stay by myself cause I can't afford to get everyone high. Anyway, the point was, when I was stuck with all that extra stash and had over a teener left over after I was done partying for the week, I had learned the discipline to not use any stash even if it was there. I want to get back to that discipline again.
Also, I've noticed for about 6 weeks now, my piss smells like strong chemicals. I drink lots of water, but this same thing happened, I noticed, at the end of 2006 before I stopped using for a couple years. I think that chemical smell went away after 6 wks clean and now it's back. I guess what that means is that the kidneys are not properly processing the meth or can't. That's kind of creepy to have your pee smell like chemicals. I know giving it a rest is the answer. What sucks is not so much not getting high, but having weeks or months of chronic fatigue to look forward to by not using. Sigh. Still, I hope I find the strength to bite the bullet and do it anyway.
It was good talking to Erik when he called yesterday. Unfortunately, my phone reception sucks dick when I'm at home, so we got cut off and when he called me back we got cut off again. I sent him a text telling him to expect a special card. I can't wait to hear what he thinks of it. I guess he's not doing much better than I am with chemicals, cause I guess he's doin speed now regularly in addition to however often he's doin his smack, kpins or valium, plus his daily methadone. That's the thing though. When you're short on cash, it's almost impossible to come up with cash to pay each and every day for methadone, but hell I guess out here it's just as expensive. It used to cost about $200-$240/mo, depending on the clinic you went to, back in 2004. Hell I have my hands full with just the meth and pills, in fact had to cut my pill use in 1/2, due to my insurance company charging $40 copay instead of 10.
So, I'm going to take one more hit tonight, then decide whether or not to take a hit of acid 2nite or tomorrow.
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