partners disapproving of drug use.

[psytaco]

A bit of a back story. I have my issues with drug abuse, addiction and mental illness (depression and anxiety) - nothing to major apart from a short lived addiction to valium and current mild addiction to codeine. None the less, I still like to use drugs like meth or MDMA maybe once every month to two months. I drink maybe once or twice a week and rarely to excess.

I have had a girlfriend for 7 month period and will be living with her soon. Apart from the odd minor argument we get on very well together and have no major disagreements. She is a very loving and caring person. She treats me very well. However, she does not approve of my drug use, particularly not my use of meth. Despite this, she has tried with me once (although she had a terrible come down and doesn't want to do it again) and we have used MDMA together a number of times. She also drinks more than I do.

We recently got into an argument because I had promised her that I wouldn't use meth again until my birthday and a festival in about 6 weeks (I haven't touched it in two months). I previously had used it to get a lot of work done in a short period of time and whilst at a friends birthday. However, I brought up that I wanted to use it earlier than that to get a large project finished quickly and to blow off some steam a few weeks after finishing the project. She got very upset because I was breaking a promise. She is also upset because she thinks that I will do myself greater mental damage and she doesn't want anything bad to happen to me as she loves me.

I get that and appreciate that and in many ways she is right. Meth is not a safe drug, it excerabates mental illness and is very addictive. However, I also feel that I should have the ultimate choice in what I put in my body and that I am aware of the risks. I enjoy using both MDMA, ice and sometimes other drugs on occassion to have fun. I spend a lot of my time working and being stressed about work. I often have to work on projects over the weekend. It would be nice to be able to party once I finish those projects free from the guilt and worry of upsetting my girlfriend. I have told her this and she says that she doesn't want to be controlling but she is also not really prepared to soften her stance on the issue either.

What are people's thoughts on this? Am I just being selfish and self-destructive?

I know this sounds pretty bad but would it be worth just doing it and not telling her? Obviously, once we move in together that won't be possible but for now I would like to be able to get high now and then. Alternatively, I could discuss it again with her (I really don't feel very comfortable lying to her and I always have been upfront with her and told her truth about myself) when in all likelihood it will just cause another argument? Or is better to just concede to our original agreement?

I also don't like the idea of in a sense having to ask her permission to use drugs like meth and MDMA. I don't expect her to do the same.

Sorry for the long post, just not sure how to handle this and could use some outside advice.

 

[Corazon]

As a (grumpy) outsider skimming your post,

Ultimately it sounds like you will have to choose meth or her. You may able to have both in a volatile mix for a while (which sounds like it most likely would lead to her leaving you), or you may be able to lie (although I doubt you are taking a small isolated dose of meth, and would either be obvious to her, or you would be suspiciously gone for days at a time on multiple occasions).

it seems like you are justifying an awful lot about using the meth;

"my birthday and a festival..., used it to get a lot of work done in a short period of time and whilst at a friends birthday..., I wanted to use it earlier than that to get a large project finished quickly and to blow off some steam a few weeks after finishing the project..."


As a grumpy random person reading on the internet, my reaction to all that justification and needing meth to work,relax,celebrate birthdays,etc... is "fuck just be on the level, and honest w/ yourself that you fucking love to get high"...


But I could be wrong about everything here, so take it with a grain of salt. Maybe others will give better advice. Good luck.

 

[Freon]

So she rolls and drinks alcohol all the time but meth is for drug addicts right?

 

[One Thousand Words]

Have you considered the fact that she doesn't like you when you are on meth? I'm not taking strictly from a moral point of view but more the type of person you become. You said you suffer from anxiety and depression, perhaps she is close enough to you that the changes the drug creates she doesn't find attractive.

Of course you could take drugs behind her back, but be warned that it might not be you high as a kite that she recognises, and she will eventually grow to distrust you completely. If you think you feel trapped and losing your independence now, it pales in comparison to having her questioning your every move in the future.

The argument that you should have ultimate say in what you do to yourself is fine in theory, but you won't find a chapter about this in the long term girlfriend manual. Unfortunately long term relationships come with some compromises. One of them is the girlfriends point of view is always right on issues like this, no matter how unfair it seems to you.

 

[-=SS=-]

What are people's thoughts on this? Am I just being selfish and self-destructive?

I would say meth use is pretty self-destructive. I've seen close friends on it before and it upset me greatly.. it wasn't them when I looked at their face and into their eyes. I care about them deeply and I imagine it would feel similar to what your girlfriend sees when she looks into your eyes whilst on meth, so I can understand why she would say don't touch it.

She's giving you the opportunity to make a choice between using and being with her. I don't think doing it behind her back will turn out well. Yes it's your choice what you put in your own body, no doubt, but it's something that will affect the dynamics of a relationship so she has a right to bring it up. The fact she's giving you a choice suggests she cares about you. Instead of using meth to relax or whatever.. ask her to relax you. It doesn't cost anything, is more satisfying, and doesn't fuck up your health either.

Guess it depends on your priorities, but choosing between someone who cares about me and a faceless drug I know what I'd choose.

 

[Mysterie]

i agree with the other posters, it sounds like its going to come down to using meth once a month or your loving girlfriend..

i think you should be grateful you have someone who cares about you..

 

[samnslumberland]

Did she know of your meth use prior to beginning your relationship? If so, she really has no ground to stand on as you can't enter a relationship and expect somebody to change for you. HOWEVER, you did promise her that you wouldn't indulge until your birthday, so you should adhere to that.

Of course you're being self-destructive. I have yet to hear anything about somebody who has benefitted from meth use. I completely understand her concerns.

 

[pofacedhoe]

Have you considered the fact that she doesn't like you when you are on meth? I'm not taking strictly from a moral point of view but more the type of person you become. You said you suffer from anxiety and depression, perhaps she is close enough to you that the changes the drug creates she doesn't find attractive.

speed is known for turning people into sex crazed egomaniacs that cannot shut up and you get bad comedowns from it. seriously bad.

maybe you are very moody after a binge?

sometimes nasty chemical stimulant highs have a protracted effect on your mood over long periods of time. mixing speed and mdma intermittently is a recipe for depression and anxiety if ever there was one.

its easier to justify doing drugs that are less mentally harmful. meth IS neurotoxic. not might be. it is.

having had a problem with amphetamines before i can say they are nasty drugs that wreck your head.

 

[llama112]

Have you considered the fact that she doesn't like you when you are on meth? I'm not taking strictly from a moral point of view but more the type of person you become. You said you suffer from anxiety and depression, perhaps she is close enough to you that the changes the drug creates she doesn't find attractive.

That is a very good point.

Besides that (aka if that's not true... I mean it's just a possibility)... I don't think she should be telling you when you can or can't use substances. If you are smart about it. My personal opinion is that you shouldn't be using during the regular workweek or schoolweek (Monday-Friday) but weekends, be safe. If you start using during the week then it starts to become an issue. If my boyfriend told me I couldn't use something then I'd be very angry. The only time I think it's "okay" is if you see an addiction developing (ex. starting to use drugs during the week ... regularly) or needing it to be normal or just being a bad person on it. By that, I mean I had a time where I was using a certain benzo and I became a very different person. Actually my boyfriend was using the same thing and being a different person. We recognized that and put a stop to it. But without having a very good reason. If she doesn't like meth, that's fine. It's not for everyone. But it doesn't mean that she should be able to just tell you what you can and can't do. You certainly shouldn't have to ask permission!

 

[anniegram]

You're an adult and should be able to use whatever substance you please without having to ask permission. Your girlfriend also has the right to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't use drugs. You can't just say "I'm going to use meth and you HAVE to be ok with it." She doesn't. Either it's something she will deal with or she won't.

 

[psytaco]

Have you considered the fact that she doesn't like you when you are on meth? I'm not taking strictly from a moral point of view but more the type of person you become. You said you suffer from anxiety and depression, perhaps she is close enough to you that the changes the drug creates she doesn't find attractive.

Of course you could take drugs behind her back, but be warned that it might not be you high as a kite that she recognises, and she will eventually grow to distrust you completely. If you think you feel trapped and losing your independence now, it pales in comparison to having her questioning your every move in the future.

The argument that you should have ultimate say in what you do to yourself is fine in theory, but you won't find a chapter about this in the long term girlfriend manual. Unfortunately long term relationships come with some compromises. One of them is the girlfriends point of view is always right on issues like this, no matter how unfair it seems to you.

I don't think she has a problem with my behaviour whilst on it, as she has only seen me on it twice (once when she did it too). She didn't have an issue with the sex either. But I can imagine she could have a problem with me being quite anxious and depressed during the comedown. Her issue is more with the risk of addiction and mental health problems.

To address other questions, yes she knew I had used a few times prior to us dating. So it is not a new development.

I am very fortunate to have someone who is loves me and cares about me. She also right to bE concerned about the drug, it is risky and can lead to a very bad place. She only really had an issue with ice and not so much with using something like MDMA now and then which she will also take with me.

I guess I am still stuck in the single man's mind state of being able to do what I want without my behaviour having an impact or the potential for that have an impact on a partner. If it came down to ultimatum I would choose her over occasional ice use but at the same time I wouldn't be happy with having to make the choice.

 

[Evil0ner]

My girl now ex watched me try and get clean since jan. I finally did it through a rapid detox, and will have 3 weeks clean tomorrow. Well she has emotional dis regulation and major insecurities with herself, due to past relationships. I never wanted to get married and have a family of my own, until I met her! She was the driving force in me getting clean. I know she feels the same way towards me. Her dad whom I haven't ever met called me to help me with some advice and guidance through the detox. Which means the world to me. Well this last Wednesday she broke up with due to her insecurities with herself. She keeps thinking I would leave her for someone else. And not matter how much I tell her how much she means to me, and the future life I want with her. But due to her condition and self worth issues she can't seem to get past it. She is the love of life and I'm lost on what to do. It's also the worst time for me due to recently being clean. The only upside is I can't do the drug of my choice opiates, because I have a 3 month naltrexone implant in. But damn this is fucking killing me!

 

[sean107]

You now have to choose between drugs and a girlfriend it would seem. Im in the same predicament. Choose the girl, she needs you more than you need those drugs.

 

[pofacedhoe]

My girl now ex watched me try and get clean since jan. I finally did it through a rapid detox, and will have 3 weeks clean tomorrow. Well she has emotional dis regulation and major insecurities with herself, due to past relationships. I never wanted to get married and have a family of my own, until I met her! She was the driving force in me getting clean. I know she feels the same way towards me. Her dad whom I haven't ever met called me to help me with some advice and guidance through the detox. Which means the world to me. Well this last Wednesday she broke up with due to her insecurities with herself. She keeps thinking I would leave her for someone else. And not matter how much I tell her how much she means to me, and the future life I want with her. But due to her condition and self worth issues she can't seem to get past it. She is the love of life and I'm lost on what to do. It's also the worst time for me due to recently being clean. The only upside is I can't do the drug of my choice opiates, because I have a 3 month naltrexone implant in. But damn this is fucking killing me!

opiate withdrawl makes things more painful - emotional or physical. stay off the drugs and do it for your future.

self love is the most deserving love of all. you can only love others after yourself. so look after yourself and keep healthy

realise that a future with this girl may work out but ONLY if you get clean so do it for you and any of your possible good futures

 

[hunter1]

As a (grumpy) outsider skimming your post,

Ultimately it sounds like you will have to choose meth or her. You may able to have both in a volatile mix for a while (which sounds like it most likely would lead to her leaving you), or you may be able to lie (although I doubt you are taking a small isolated dose of meth, and would either be obvious to her, or you would be suspiciously gone for days at a time on multiple occasions).

it seems like you are justifying an awful lot about using the meth;

"my birthday and a festival..., used it to get a lot of work done in a short period of time and whilst at a friends birthday..., I wanted to use it earlier than that to get a large project finished quickly and to blow off some steam a few weeks after finishing the project..."


As a grumpy random person reading on the internet, my reaction to all that justification and needing meth to work,relax,celebrate birthdays,etc... is "fuck just be on the level, and honest w/ yourself that you fucking love to get high"...


But I could be wrong about everything here, so take it with a grain of salt. Maybe others will give better advice. Good luck.

^^^^ As another grumpy old man (32)... I agree with all this completely. No need to post