I hate when it tells me my blog is too long. 
Tramadol and Poppy Pod Tea. Idk WHAT the FUCK is up with my PO box. They keep not sending shit there. I keep looking and it never comes. I don't know what I CAN do about it. I mean I've talked to the post master and all they tell me is they don't have it. I've lost meds $100s in meds that way. I don't know if its the company but now I'm having issues with getting other stuff sent there. What the fuck is up with them?! Any advice on that one?
Home- Well I'm pretty much almost never home. Sean can't drive so I drive and spent most of the week there. Come home. Wash clothes, repack, Internet, tv, go back to Sean's. I hate being here a lot of the time. My family just avoids each other anyway. But recently I've felt kinda sad I never get to be i MY safe place....MY room, with MY things. With what I want at THAT time. Its always at Sean's. Ya know. Now of course I have shower stuff and something to sleep in there, but its not the same. I can't BL and he gets pissed if I do because I'm not spending time with him...hypocrite, I watch him play PS3...whatever. So I feel like I lose out on my BL friends. Hell sometimes I'll come home, open the door and there is Noel and I'm like, "Shit, I forgot I had a cat." Poor guy, I never get to be here to give him attention. Not that my dad doesn't spoil the shit out of him anyway.
BL- Well I feel like I'm a better influence here. I'm happier and healthier. But I feel like I almost need BL less as well. Is that a bad thing? I know I should be giving back to TDS, but some days I just don't feel like reading through someone else's problems. I know horrible coming from a person who wants to do therapy but I just don't have the attention span and most of the time its the desperate ramblings I used to do. Jeez, how did anyone but up with that...wait they didn't always.
I made my enemies here. But doesn't mean I have to listen or even see a word they say so whatever.
I'm totally over the Redlight thing FYI. I guess at first I was SO SHOCKED that someone would sink that low to do something like that, so I just went nuts. Now, I feel kinda bad for them.
I mean they have to spend time doing that, focusing on one single bad trait of a person, making fun of it, all the effort and shit. Its well...middle school shit. Pathetic. I mean, shit, go do MORE drugs and be more fucked up than sink to do that shit is my opinion. sad. *shug*
But I see good coming from that too. I learned to let things go, I learned that no everyone can be trusted....good or bad, I learned that there are things that you can't change, you don't have to react to everything someone says....that is really hard for me, so I just learned to use my ignore list. Once in awhile I wish I could read what they said, but you know what....its better off that I not read it anyway, just to be safe. Tender hearted I suppose.
Is it just me, or for being 100% sober, I kinda have a glass half full outlook?? I LEARN from things. WTF? I've never been that way. (Although I'm certainly not happy about the Tramadol situation)I just feel like I seem more positive about things. Is this how "Normal, healthy" people feel? Wow. Hmm.
Looking back, depression is hell. really. The things you need to do to dig yourself out, you can't. Until I decided that I was the only one that could do anything to make myself better so I needed to TRY. New meds = new me. And really I like the new me. I actually looked in the mirror the other day and thought I looked kinda pretty! WTF? Yeah at a distance but still.
On the new med fyi, I've gone from 97 pds to 108 pds already. I'm well on my way to being a healthy weight for my height and build of 120 pds.
Everyone thinks it will look great. Me, I'm not so sure. eating disorder thinking coming back up, but I'm trying. Also trying to get used to this wanting to eat all the time shit. Jeez. Chewing gum for dry mouth from Tram has turned into doing it so I'm not eating all the god damn time until I'm sick. I'm keeping up with the bf sometimes!
The step after target weight is yoga......but I'm making NO promises. I might have to make Sean do something with me or something.
His thing he is working on is the OWI shit and that is going well like shit like I said, Which sucks.
Trying to think if there is anything I'm forgetting. Like I said its been forever since I've blogged. Hopefully I'll get SOME GOOD COMMENTS?? LOL
The weather is finally turning nice here, I like spring the best. mid 60 F some days. Good stuff.
Ya know, for being without Tram right now and having shit to do and just doing this after working my ass off, I'm pretty happy.
I have a good job, which I'm good at and work with people that I like and respect and vice versa. I'm going to school, which isn't killing with stress, so that I can further my education. I'm in a healthy and very happy relationship with a man I love and he deeply cares for me. I'm not dealing with any MAJOR physical problems....infections like crazy at the moment WHICH SUCK!! But I'm not in pain or anything. I'm not dealing with any mental problems!!! Which is WONDERFUL! Other than being sober. haha
You know what, sometimes, when life gives you a little sunshine, its ok to lay out and enjoy it a bit.
Tramadol and Poppy Pod Tea. Idk WHAT the FUCK is up with my PO box. They keep not sending shit there. I keep looking and it never comes. I don't know what I CAN do about it. I mean I've talked to the post master and all they tell me is they don't have it. I've lost meds $100s in meds that way. I don't know if its the company but now I'm having issues with getting other stuff sent there. What the fuck is up with them?! Any advice on that one?
Home- Well I'm pretty much almost never home. Sean can't drive so I drive and spent most of the week there. Come home. Wash clothes, repack, Internet, tv, go back to Sean's. I hate being here a lot of the time. My family just avoids each other anyway. But recently I've felt kinda sad I never get to be i MY safe place....MY room, with MY things. With what I want at THAT time. Its always at Sean's. Ya know. Now of course I have shower stuff and something to sleep in there, but its not the same. I can't BL and he gets pissed if I do because I'm not spending time with him...hypocrite, I watch him play PS3...whatever. So I feel like I lose out on my BL friends. Hell sometimes I'll come home, open the door and there is Noel and I'm like, "Shit, I forgot I had a cat." Poor guy, I never get to be here to give him attention. Not that my dad doesn't spoil the shit out of him anyway.
BL- Well I feel like I'm a better influence here. I'm happier and healthier. But I feel like I almost need BL less as well. Is that a bad thing? I know I should be giving back to TDS, but some days I just don't feel like reading through someone else's problems. I know horrible coming from a person who wants to do therapy but I just don't have the attention span and most of the time its the desperate ramblings I used to do. Jeez, how did anyone but up with that...wait they didn't always.
I made my enemies here. But doesn't mean I have to listen or even see a word they say so whatever.
I'm totally over the Redlight thing FYI. I guess at first I was SO SHOCKED that someone would sink that low to do something like that, so I just went nuts. Now, I feel kinda bad for them.
I mean they have to spend time doing that, focusing on one single bad trait of a person, making fun of it, all the effort and shit. Its well...middle school shit. Pathetic. I mean, shit, go do MORE drugs and be more fucked up than sink to do that shit is my opinion. sad. *shug*
But I see good coming from that too. I learned to let things go, I learned that no everyone can be trusted....good or bad, I learned that there are things that you can't change, you don't have to react to everything someone says....that is really hard for me, so I just learned to use my ignore list. Once in awhile I wish I could read what they said, but you know what....its better off that I not read it anyway, just to be safe. Tender hearted I suppose.
Is it just me, or for being 100% sober, I kinda have a glass half full outlook?? I LEARN from things. WTF? I've never been that way. (Although I'm certainly not happy about the Tramadol situation)I just feel like I seem more positive about things. Is this how "Normal, healthy" people feel? Wow. Hmm.
Looking back, depression is hell. really. The things you need to do to dig yourself out, you can't. Until I decided that I was the only one that could do anything to make myself better so I needed to TRY. New meds = new me. And really I like the new me. I actually looked in the mirror the other day and thought I looked kinda pretty! WTF? Yeah at a distance but still.
On the new med fyi, I've gone from 97 pds to 108 pds already. I'm well on my way to being a healthy weight for my height and build of 120 pds.
Everyone thinks it will look great. Me, I'm not so sure. eating disorder thinking coming back up, but I'm trying. Also trying to get used to this wanting to eat all the time shit. Jeez. Chewing gum for dry mouth from Tram has turned into doing it so I'm not eating all the god damn time until I'm sick. I'm keeping up with the bf sometimes!
The step after target weight is yoga......but I'm making NO promises. I might have to make Sean do something with me or something.
His thing he is working on is the OWI shit and that is going well like shit like I said, Which sucks.
Trying to think if there is anything I'm forgetting. Like I said its been forever since I've blogged. Hopefully I'll get SOME GOOD COMMENTS?? LOL
The weather is finally turning nice here, I like spring the best. mid 60 F some days. Good stuff.
Ya know, for being without Tram right now and having shit to do and just doing this after working my ass off, I'm pretty happy.
I have a good job, which I'm good at and work with people that I like and respect and vice versa. I'm going to school, which isn't killing with stress, so that I can further my education. I'm in a healthy and very happy relationship with a man I love and he deeply cares for me. I'm not dealing with any MAJOR physical problems....infections like crazy at the moment WHICH SUCK!! But I'm not in pain or anything. I'm not dealing with any mental problems!!! Which is WONDERFUL! Other than being sober. haha
You know what, sometimes, when life gives you a little sunshine, its ok to lay out and enjoy it a bit.