1992-1993 my 22yr old brother was having "consentual" sex with a 12yr old girl, who also happened to be my friend AND neighbour. He ended up getting her knocked up, and her parents sent her away.
From 1990-1997 my only friend was my bff who once got into boys rarely hung out with me, so I mostly spent my time alone to my thoughts, reading, or once i found out about the internet in 1996, using that at the library.
1997 i met "Steve" who I thought I was in love with and moved in and had a kid with. He was a shitty dad then letting his baby sit in dirty diapers ALL day and crying in her playpen. At night raping me on a constant basis. Punching me once on the TTC and making me lose my first pregnancy calling me a fucking dirty cunt, and no one did anything though many saw.
Oh before him though trying to find a bf or any kind of relationship, getting laughed at and called too ugly for many years.
April 2002 "steve" kicks me out after i paid his rent, steals my daughter and runs off to live with his mom and new gf who he had been fucking for months. Found out he'd been fucking every girl he could since we started dating.
Finally get the courage a few months later to try at my friend who had been flirting with me, but ya, rejection again. Lost him as a friend too. The only man so far that actually liked my daughter/kids.
I tried dating 1 guy but he turned out to be really psychotic, like you weren't sure if he'd kill you in his sleep and he thought he was michael myers kind of fucked up, and I def. couldn't handle that at that time.
all alone in the shelter system until Feb. 2004, where my shit kept getting stolen, I kept getting sodomized and yelled at. I went back to school and got my OSSD, though, as a kid I was told I was smart enough I should graduate by time I was 16, but I dropped out and was fucked up. I got my OSSD in 2004, then went to security school and passed there and met "T".
"T" and I started dating in May 2004 and we moved in together September 2004, found out I was pregnant in October 2004. He so far has been the only man to treat me like a queen, love me unconditional. He got on meds, was fucked up and I got sick of his shit. I met an amazing man, that I will not mention his name, cause he knows who he is. Met him in 2007/8 online, I always liked out online chats at night. He was nice and sweet to me, only man to ever call me sexy and hot. I found him incredibly sexy n hot, a smart man, and over all incredible (oh shush, i know your ego is sky high already LOL). I was sick of my monotonous boring fustrating life and said fuck it and risked and gave up on everything to spend time with this man. To the point that I left "T" and my kid and had my own place lined up to get away from all the stress and bullshit. I met this amazing man finally and I've never been one for love at first sight or that OMG! at first sight thing.... but I was..... "OMG!" and I just couldn't help hugging him. I wish our meeting was kid free but life sucks and all....lol. 2 weeks of the sweetest man I ever saw, and sweet emails, and the way he made me felt by being so free with his words and feelings.
I guess I must have screwed up somewhere, I guess no one wants a chick with kids, maybe I'm destined to be alone forever and stuck living with a fuck up cause I'm too mentally fucked up to hold a job long enough to pay rent.
I go try and get my shit in order, for this guy, left my fuck up whatever for this dude, and YES again, rejection. Only hurts so bad cause this amazing guy I considered my bestfriend, he told me many times he loved me and missed me.
This after losing 5 of my friends who lost interest in me. 2 friends of mine who committed suicide, a friend who died of H1N1, my ex who kept saying he wanted to kill himself and die.
Then people wonder why I get clingy to friends, why i get emo, why i get so profoundly hurt when i fall in love so deeply and get rejected.
I guess I'm too fucked up, too ugly, too much baggage, and too fucking stupid.
I guess I'm destined to be alone forever.
Fuck, and I can't even become a nun.
It feels like I am slowly going crazy along with such heart break the my chest literally hurts.
I'm not being emo, just telling it how it is.
Rejection, hurt, insulting, berated for 99% of my life.
Then people wonder why I am the way I am.
I am the nicest person in the fucking world, I help anyone in need, I would give my last dollar to help someone in need, I would never hurt anyone, I love so deeply when I fall in love and it's always forever, I am non-judgemental, I don't care what you do or have done or will do (besides rape and pedos).
All I want is for someone to care, someone that's not my kid to LOVE ME, BE IN LOVE with ME. To Spend time with ME.
I take people as they are, like them/love them no matter what and all that. Why can't I get a fucking break ya know?
WHAT MAKES ME SO FUCKING UNLOVEABLE?!
Want to know something? When in relationships I was NEVER emo, NEVER, I was always happy as long as theytreated me good.
What is so wrong with dating someone with kids?
My kid has been through more hell than most 4yr old have been, he has seen more death and murder than any 4yr old should.
He has been hated by so many people (I LOVE HIM DEARLY). He has a fucking father, I am not looking for a daddy replacement, he's seen death, guns, drugs, and crazy ass mofos. Everyone has hated him but me. Why, how can someone hate this lovely boy?!
More so how can some people dislike him when he is so like them in so many ways.
Why do men think my kids would even play a part in any part of the relationship UNLESS it got serious enough for "sleep overs" or moving in together. Thats not likely to happen since I live with my ex and son's father.
People assume so fucking much, it hurts that they would hurt me on assumptions. Then when I tell them they're wrong, they have to resort to a lie - something that would cut so deep and hurt me.
All I ever wanted was to lay in a man's arms weither all night or a few hrs, letting him hold me, while my ear upon his heart listening to the rythm of his heart. Talking about everything and yet nothing. Going out and having fun even if broke ass poor. To be able to kiss him, hug him, or what not whenever. I don't even care about sex. I love sex, sure, and would love to have it every day / as much as possible.
All I want is a chance.
Why will no one ever give that to me. Why must EVERYONE hurt me.
Maybe I need to be a horrible mean person who abandons her kid for meth and is fucked up 24/7/365 and a cum dumpster for men.
Seems people go for that type of person over me.
Thanks world for making me feel so worthless. My mom should have swallowed instead.
From 1990-1997 my only friend was my bff who once got into boys rarely hung out with me, so I mostly spent my time alone to my thoughts, reading, or once i found out about the internet in 1996, using that at the library.
1997 i met "Steve" who I thought I was in love with and moved in and had a kid with. He was a shitty dad then letting his baby sit in dirty diapers ALL day and crying in her playpen. At night raping me on a constant basis. Punching me once on the TTC and making me lose my first pregnancy calling me a fucking dirty cunt, and no one did anything though many saw.
Oh before him though trying to find a bf or any kind of relationship, getting laughed at and called too ugly for many years.
April 2002 "steve" kicks me out after i paid his rent, steals my daughter and runs off to live with his mom and new gf who he had been fucking for months. Found out he'd been fucking every girl he could since we started dating.
Finally get the courage a few months later to try at my friend who had been flirting with me, but ya, rejection again. Lost him as a friend too. The only man so far that actually liked my daughter/kids.
I tried dating 1 guy but he turned out to be really psychotic, like you weren't sure if he'd kill you in his sleep and he thought he was michael myers kind of fucked up, and I def. couldn't handle that at that time.
all alone in the shelter system until Feb. 2004, where my shit kept getting stolen, I kept getting sodomized and yelled at. I went back to school and got my OSSD, though, as a kid I was told I was smart enough I should graduate by time I was 16, but I dropped out and was fucked up. I got my OSSD in 2004, then went to security school and passed there and met "T".
"T" and I started dating in May 2004 and we moved in together September 2004, found out I was pregnant in October 2004. He so far has been the only man to treat me like a queen, love me unconditional. He got on meds, was fucked up and I got sick of his shit. I met an amazing man, that I will not mention his name, cause he knows who he is. Met him in 2007/8 online, I always liked out online chats at night. He was nice and sweet to me, only man to ever call me sexy and hot. I found him incredibly sexy n hot, a smart man, and over all incredible (oh shush, i know your ego is sky high already LOL). I was sick of my monotonous boring fustrating life and said fuck it and risked and gave up on everything to spend time with this man. To the point that I left "T" and my kid and had my own place lined up to get away from all the stress and bullshit. I met this amazing man finally and I've never been one for love at first sight or that OMG! at first sight thing.... but I was..... "OMG!" and I just couldn't help hugging him. I wish our meeting was kid free but life sucks and all....lol. 2 weeks of the sweetest man I ever saw, and sweet emails, and the way he made me felt by being so free with his words and feelings.
I guess I must have screwed up somewhere, I guess no one wants a chick with kids, maybe I'm destined to be alone forever and stuck living with a fuck up cause I'm too mentally fucked up to hold a job long enough to pay rent.
I go try and get my shit in order, for this guy, left my fuck up whatever for this dude, and YES again, rejection. Only hurts so bad cause this amazing guy I considered my bestfriend, he told me many times he loved me and missed me.
This after losing 5 of my friends who lost interest in me. 2 friends of mine who committed suicide, a friend who died of H1N1, my ex who kept saying he wanted to kill himself and die.
Then people wonder why I get clingy to friends, why i get emo, why i get so profoundly hurt when i fall in love so deeply and get rejected.
I guess I'm too fucked up, too ugly, too much baggage, and too fucking stupid.
I guess I'm destined to be alone forever.
Fuck, and I can't even become a nun.
It feels like I am slowly going crazy along with such heart break the my chest literally hurts.
I'm not being emo, just telling it how it is.
Rejection, hurt, insulting, berated for 99% of my life.
Then people wonder why I am the way I am.
I am the nicest person in the fucking world, I help anyone in need, I would give my last dollar to help someone in need, I would never hurt anyone, I love so deeply when I fall in love and it's always forever, I am non-judgemental, I don't care what you do or have done or will do (besides rape and pedos).
All I want is for someone to care, someone that's not my kid to LOVE ME, BE IN LOVE with ME. To Spend time with ME.
I take people as they are, like them/love them no matter what and all that. Why can't I get a fucking break ya know?
WHAT MAKES ME SO FUCKING UNLOVEABLE?!
Want to know something? When in relationships I was NEVER emo, NEVER, I was always happy as long as theytreated me good.
What is so wrong with dating someone with kids?
My kid has been through more hell than most 4yr old have been, he has seen more death and murder than any 4yr old should.
He has been hated by so many people (I LOVE HIM DEARLY). He has a fucking father, I am not looking for a daddy replacement, he's seen death, guns, drugs, and crazy ass mofos. Everyone has hated him but me. Why, how can someone hate this lovely boy?!
More so how can some people dislike him when he is so like them in so many ways.
Why do men think my kids would even play a part in any part of the relationship UNLESS it got serious enough for "sleep overs" or moving in together. Thats not likely to happen since I live with my ex and son's father.
People assume so fucking much, it hurts that they would hurt me on assumptions. Then when I tell them they're wrong, they have to resort to a lie - something that would cut so deep and hurt me.
All I ever wanted was to lay in a man's arms weither all night or a few hrs, letting him hold me, while my ear upon his heart listening to the rythm of his heart. Talking about everything and yet nothing. Going out and having fun even if broke ass poor. To be able to kiss him, hug him, or what not whenever. I don't even care about sex. I love sex, sure, and would love to have it every day / as much as possible.
All I want is a chance.
Why will no one ever give that to me. Why must EVERYONE hurt me.
Maybe I need to be a horrible mean person who abandons her kid for meth and is fucked up 24/7/365 and a cum dumpster for men.
Seems people go for that type of person over me.
Thanks world for making me feel so worthless. My mom should have swallowed instead.
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