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parents/GF problems w/ sobriety/quitting.

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
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Looking-Glass Land
anyone have these problems before? funny cuz over the 10yrs ive been using on/off/heavy. at one point i went 5/6 years of sober living but for the last 3 been a heavy, heavy user. i am 30yrs old and recently came out to the family that i need help and pushing to get off.. but what a mistake i may have made. for a family/GF who do not understand "problems" they have been ON TOP OF ME DAILY, searching my clothes, calling non-stop, fighting constantly about drugs, etc. i FINALLY feel like i made the right decision/attempt to get clean and now hearing it the WORST end both are consistently asking/pushing/questions every single thing i do. i don't even live w/ the parents but feel they are ON TOP of me. i understand they don't "understand" but wish they did.

all help appreciated.
 
I totally hear you. I've found this one of the most difficult aspects of addiction. The fact that every time you use, or even think about using, they take it as a betrayal. To a certain extent it is, particularly with your GF, but then - say they find something proving you've used, maybe a few days ago and you didn't tell them about it - maybe you were mustering the courage/swallowing your pride to tell them, but they still take it as lies and betrayal.
I don't have an answer for you mate, but it's rarely a bad thing in the long run to open up to your loved ones:)
They are probably frustrated both with you and themselves, maybe blaming or questioning themselves - especially since you beat addiction for so long before
However misguided and uninformed their actions are atm, they are still done out of love, in fact it shows how much they love you, but they can always be better informed and learn how to help you best. I imagine all that constant nagging and suspicion probably pushes you towards using again. Maybe, at a time conducive to real discussion, i.e. not fighting, you can gently explain that.
Good luck, buffalo
 
Hey Boston<3=D.. hey congratulations on taking the big steps. Yeah putting up with the misguided love of relatives and partners can get annoying if you let it. I would try and percieve this in a different way. If it were me awhile back I would be looking at this like these people a driving me nuts and treating me like a child.. I mean i came out and told them whats up and that I needed help and now the are on my ass at all time, maybe made a mistake here... and try to switch that thinking to I can't believe how much these people love me, yeah i wasnt looking at it right at first, but even though what they are doing is kinda useless and damn invasive into my life, holy shit they must all love me a bunch, I mean really they are taking time out of their individual lives to do these things in and effort to help you through this.. so if i were you I would try and stop thinking of this period as holy shit they are treating me like an absolutely untrustworthy little kid and breaking every boundary that they can.. BBrownT, these people love you and are obviously scared for you well being and they are just doing everything they can to try and help you sir. Try looking at it like that for awhile.. also it is good to remind yourself how fortunate you are to still have these loving people in your lives.. cause so many of us find ourselves totally alone with no one that cares anymore.

Inappropriately strong emotional response is a major obstacle for people new to recovery.. even though we have this response for awhile we can learn techniques to reign in our emotions.. the biggest is the way we choose to judge or think about a situation.. if we decide something is bad or negative then it becomes that way and we get flooded with the emotions from this determination.

So something that has made a huge difference in my recovery is that I developed and practiced not judging ANYTHING as good or bad.. I know it may seem a little nuts but if you try it you may just realize like I have that its not nuts, but rather whats nuts is making ourselves miserable because we chose to look at things as bad or negative. We dont have control over much of what happens in life on a daily basis.. I mean we can aim somewhere but how many times to we get to where we thought we would and by the rout we thought.. so try aiming were you want to go learning to enjoy where you end up as well as the path that actually gets you there.

Life is how you percieve it, your perceptions are based on your thoughts, you control your thoughts, so you control how your life is. We have little control over so much of our lives, but we do control how we percieve our lives. Did you ever wonder why so many bad things happen.. they dont:)

Another big one for preventing emotional response in the begining is to stay in today.. if we let our thoughts slip into yesterday then we are often hit with guilt, shame, resentment, anger.. If we slip into tomorrow we often get hit with self doubt, fear, frustration, anxiety.. so learn techniques and practice and implement them.. a good one to consider as Buffalo pointed out is mindfulness a meditation that keeps us in the moment and can be used against cravings and other negative aspects in recovery.. here is a good thread on it >
613916
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Your doing and starting amazing things and if you keep at it very soon you may find yourself in an amazing way=D
 
buff - appreciate the response, man. glad you can relate. i know im ONCE AGAIN NEW TO RECOVERY but man do i feel i am getting pushed, not loved. although, i can understand their love/thoughts, i just DONT understand the pressure/guidance. i truly feel they should feel great/open to what i decided to do, yet i feel this is the worst ive been in a bit. again, im NEW so i dont fully understand it all yet.

never - i am honestly trying to see it that way but getting question w/ each and EVERY MOVE i make is getting to me. def. pushing me toward using AGAIN but i fight and fight it yet i dont see them congratulating me for it but yet saying "well, each and every person doesnt use so youre just fitting in w/ the rest of the world". i know there is still alot of love there but they just DONT understand the difficulty w/ recovery. have i relapsed? absolutely. but please realize i am trying and i need the support, not eh questioning/searching of my daily life. i know its hard for them to understand since it never happened to them before but man do i wish they fully understood. youre right though, its all based on MY THOUGHTS and how i perceive them.

thanks peeps.. much love.
 
maybe turn them onto a support group for them.. hey and im not saying that wouldnt eat at me to.. you are doing a great job.. you know that.. the complement follow the insanity.. then when they are driving you up the wall about things you should or could do you can say to them that I think you are focusing on to much on me and should be taking care of your needs as well and hopefully they will get some good advise on how to help you in the correct way.. also you could go to the library or something and look at books that could point them in the right direction and then leave them laying around or something..


And if I had to point to the one thing that has both made my recovery popssible as well as really enjoyable it is the realization that my perception which i control is the way my life is..

>This quotes thread< is filled with amazing wisdom.. but take a look at some of Marcus Aurelius quotes i posted in 101. he was an opiat addict and a really wise man.. there is so much we can take from.


neversickanymore said:
here are some tools to changing your thoughts..

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/680481-Share-something-POSITIVE-from-your-day!

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/...ful-for-ver-2-thankful-for-all-the-darksiders!

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/661338-Post-something-that-inspires-you-vs-sharing-is-caring

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/680500-the-tds-video-thread-v-smile

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/685534-August-getting-staying-sober-v-you-can-do-it!

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/663215-Good-things-about-being-off-drugs-getting-sober

change your thinking shift it firmly into the positive and your life will follow..
Click to expand...
 
Great links as always NSA. I'm thinking about clueing my family in on some of this stuff, you've made it much easier. Cheers.
 
@bostonbrowntown, heres a perspective from the side of a parent with a 25 year old son addicted to heroin, I just want to know hes alive, happy and healthy, its scary for a parent to think they could lose their child. Ive learned to talk and listen, ask questions, not judge!!!!!!!! Ive asked why, how, etc. We have came to have a great relationship in the last couple of weeks, my son is on day 5 of suboxone treatment. He is a whole new person, maybe you should try opening up to your girl friend and parents. I know how hard it is to stop using, hopefully they will understand instead of working against you. Turn your girlfriend on to the "those affected by the addiction of others" section in the recovery section. It might help. Its a new section that is really great, we all learn from each other. I wish you well with your addiction/recovery
 
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