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parents and opiate addiction!

H

HeatherWesling

Bluelighter
Joined
May 4, 2012
Messages
94
Location
Illinois
Well, the situation has progressed over time. I am 21 years old trying to move on with my life but my dad is struggling.

He started out with marijuana for years and then my 8 year old brother passed and he swore he would never smoke again. Then he was clean for four years and picked up marijuana again. But then he wrecked his motorcycle and got on vicodin, now he is trading his Xanax for vicodin and has dug himself an opiate hole so deep that idk what to do I'm a recovering addict myself and being his daughter I feel obligated to help him but how? He sleeps all day and doesn't want to hear it from anybody! But I don't want him to just fade away at 43 and he uses being depressed as an excuse constantly. Will this ever end?
 
So sorry to hear your'e old man is struggling Heather. I have a friend in a similar predicament who is addicted to morphine after injuring his back and struggles through the days, mostly sleeping and yes he is very depressed aswell.

What kind of injuries did he get from the accident? Is it crippling enough that he cant comfortably walk? I would suggest trying to get him walking to the shop or even just getting outside in the sunshine can help alot. Try stressing to him that the human body thrives on movement no matter how small it is at first, just to get the body functioning semi-naturally to start with can work wonders and then he can go from there.

As far as the opiate addiction goes there are alternative therapies available but he has to want to try them. I found that was probably the hardest part, actually convincing someone set in their ways to try something different. I hope things improve for you guys soon, try to keep your'e head up:)
 
Heather, I am in the same situation as you except it's mom and dad. I also have 2 brothers 11 and 1 and a sister who's 2. I am in such a desperate situation and don't have many ideas on what to do. Stay strong and keep love in your heart
 
He broke his coller bone from the motercycle accident. But see he is strange when it came to opiates. He is a respiratory theripist and he has always been a smoker but to have the job he has you can't have that show up on a drug test so he staeted popping pain killers for pain and realised how strong they were but didn't realize the damage they can do you know?
 
Hmm sorry to hear about that, it must be really tough to watch your father head down that path.
You should stay around and try motivate him to do more things.. He needs somebody around to try set boundaries for him, otherwise (i assume) he will just end up letting go completely.
You are his daughter, his blood, if anybody can get through to him i imagine it would be you.
Not saying its an easy task to get through to a corrupted mind, but deep down he needs your support and willpower to help influence his outcome on life.

@ Sirrollsalot, <3, make sure you take care of your siblings. I wish there was an easy way to solve these types of problems, but it's hard when opiate addictions are at hand.
I encourage you to speak to them as much as you can, try getting it through to them that they are the parents of young children who completely depend on them to succeed in life.
It will probably take a bit more than one talk to get things back on track, but you have to try.
Most importantly, make sure your siblings are doing fine. If your parent's are using all the time, somebody needs to step up and be a role model for the children.
It's a very vicious cycle. They say what goes around comes back around.
I really hope things work out for the better, Heather & SirRolls.
<3
 
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Hiya Heather,

I'm an addicted father myself, and a depressive (the two often seem to go hand in hand..hmmm), but my step-daughter, now 17 (was her dad since she was 3) has been one of the most positive influences on my life in the last 3-4 years. It was largely my love and responsibities for her that brought me and her mother onto a methadone program, and while the road has been a rough one, things do gradually seem to be getting better. I know watching addictive behaviour in a loved one can be crippling (my own father was a heroin addict), but remember if anyone can get through to your dad it's you; a parents love for their child is a powerful thing. Im sorry to hear of your own problems, but it sounds like you're fairly positive now. If there's any advice I can give you though it's to try not to get so hung up on your dads problems that you end up messing yourself up. Help him if and where you can, maybe by encouraging him to do things with you (nearly impossible, I know, in a depressive, opiate user) but if you're feeeling discouraged, try to get some distance. Not only will you not be able to help him if you backslide, I'm betting you as a father and step-father myself, nothing would hurt him more than seeing you following his footsteps.

Stay strong and brave, but look after yourself first

All the best

Rattles
 
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Hi heather,

I am so sorry to hear about your brother and I know how much this can affect your whole family. We lost our son a year and a half ago and my husband has not been able to find any ground to stand on since. I know that one of the things that tears him up is that he wants to be strong for our other son but just last night he admitted to me that he doesn't feel alive inside and is not sure that he ever will. I encouraged him to try counseling again (he thinks it's hopeless) and to take a hiking trip with our other son. I know that he also is doing a lot of self-medicating with both weed and alcohol though not to the point that it is obvious to anyone else. From the outside I know that all I can do is to offer my honesty and encouragement; beyond that, it is his path to walk.

Your post just illustrates how devastating this kind of loss can be for everyone in the family. Losing a vibrant sweet little eight year old must have been devastating beyond belief. I'm sure that it is also affecting you quite a bit and so having to worry about your parent's mental health and substance use is a truly huge burden on top of all the other pain. Have you ever thought about Al-anon? It might help you to put things in perspective for yourself (what you can and can't control). Maybe openly going to Al-anon will have an effect on your Dad.

Keep your compass pointed at a healthy you. Being compassionate and honest with your parents is part of that and I give you a lot of credit for being able to do so. Hang in there and post any time.<3
 
This sounds a lot like my own father when I was in high school. He has always been pretty naive about drugs, and this quack of a Doctor started prescribing him painkillers (Fentanyl, way too strong for his needs), benzos, ambien, the works. He knew so little about the strength of these drugs. There were several occasions I had to take him to the ER because he basically OD'd. He's got a legitimately addictive personality, but he also had no idea how strong these substances were. He was also in HUGE denial about his problems.

I don't know what advice I can give you except I totally sympathize with what you're going through. It can be really difficult having to take care of someone who should be in a position where he can take care of you. Also the denial can be infinitely frustrating. I'm not usually a fan of interventions- but that's what it came to in my situation, because he was in such denial. It was a very small and less formal intervention- basically I got my mom and sisters together to have a frank talk with him. It wasn't a classic intervention where we tried to force him into rehab, we all just voiced our concerns and tried to get through his stubborn attitude. It kind of worked in my situation, maybe something along those lines may help you.
 
Rattles said:
Hiya Heather,

I'm an addicted father myself, and a depressive (the two often seem to go hand in hand..hmmm), but my step-daughter, now 17 (was her dad since she was 3) has been one of the most positive influences on my life in the last 3-4 years. It was largely my love and responsibities for her that brought me and her mother onto a methadone program, and while the road has been a rough one, things do gradually seem to be getting better. I know watching addictive behaviour in a loved one can be crippling (my own father was a heroin addict), but remember if anyone can get through to your dad it's you; a parents love for their child is a powerful thing. Im sorry to hear of your own problems, but it sounds like you're fairly positive now. If there's any advice I can give you though it's to try not to get so hung up on your dads problems that you end up messing yourself up. Help him if and where you can, maybe by encouraging him to do things with you (nearly impossible, I know, in a depressive, opiate user) but if you're feeeling discouraged, try to get some distance. Not only will you not be able to help him if you backslide, I'm betting you as a father and step-father myself, nothing would hurt him more than seeing you following his footsteps.

Stay strong and brave, but look after yourself first

All the best

Rattles
Click to expand...

You really speak the truth. It IS so important not to let others actions let you lead yourself down a path of self destruction. I only say this because I have done this in the past.
 
ever since my brother, the relationship between me and my parents has fallen apart. the day my brother died he decided to quit smoking pot and stuck with it. he started going to a psychiatrist and got on meds also. but over the years he stopped taking his meds started weed again and he blames my mom for the accident sometimes when he drinks. over the years he has become this lazy stoner making excuses and my moms works alot. the tv and int. is off now but he refuses to get a job and he has a medical liscence as a respiratory tech. but says he is depressed and he doesnt want to hear it from anybody...i have no idea what to do...
 
Daaad

My dad had the same issue but with codeine , the huge amount of paracetamol in combination with his existing alcohol problems probably damaged his kidneys , so try to inform your father on the risk of taking too much paracetamol; for old / prescription- drug-unwise people this is very hard to get their heads around , it's the legal part of vicodin that does the actual damage when meds are abused!

Apart from that my dad benefitted from a new doctor and accupunture
 
If anything, you are all but incapable of doing something about it. He's created a new state of mind and set of habits for himself, to try and cope with the loss of the old state of mind and your brother.Try to remember how your dad was, what sort of things he was doing, how he interacted with you kids. Your goal is to bring him as close as possible to the state of mind and set of routines that he had before this happened. To bring him back to being "dad".

Think of ways you can help him feel like dad again. Be subtle about it, nothing hurts an attempt to influence more than the realization that "Hey, she's just trying to get me off the drugs or trying to make me feel better."

If you were to allow your mind to drift for just a bit, and imagine that you are him for a moment, and recall his key moments in the past... moments that are highlights of a happier time. You can think of ways to sort of re-enact those key moments. I'm not saying hire some actors to play out those moments again in front of him like a movie. What I'm saying is, you can do things that remind of him of being happier father. If he found joy in sharing with you things about life and growing up, such as his greatest memories as a kid, well think of something that happened in your life or is happening in your life, something that would remind him of when he was a kid, you guys can talk about it, and establish common ground. A relationship of any kind needs common ground in order to be maintained and from the looks of it, that is not present here. Common ground can be established in so many ways that doesn't involve copying his lifestyle.

There are an infinite number of ways you can help him, you just have to find them. My immediate focus would definitely be on repairing this relationship... a long term later on down the road goal can be getting him off the drugs. I would also say, avoid any discussion about the drugs, all it will do is damage the common ground you're working hard to rebuild and bring the focus back on to now, which will reinforce the pain, and drug usage. The more you get him to focus on the good times, the more he will want that. Try to find a way to show him that new good times are in the future too, that way he doesn't find himself thinking that the good times were then and not going to happen anymore.

I hope all of this made sense, it would be wise to reflect on it for a while...
 
Hey Heather, I was in the same situation as you. Except it was both parents, it got to the point where they foreclosed on the house and now me and my mom are living with my aunt and my dad, being a long distance truck driver, lives in his truck and my sisters live with my aunt on a completely different coast. I was on Methadone Maintenance Treatment at the time, and I seen everyone in my family going into the never-ending pit. Sick in the morning with no money, when my mom got paid, everyone high as fuck, partying. It really hurt me, they didn't want to hear it. I wanted to just commit them. Now that they have hit rock bottom, they finally see the error of their ways, I don't know for sure if my dad is off of them, since he drives all the time across the US, but I know me and my mom aren't completely clean. When I get pain pills from the dentist, she takes them, although she doesn't go looking for them and mostly because I have them and they're available.

To wrap this up, I honestly think no one will change until they're ready/hit rock bottom. Everyone thinks they have a grip on their addiction, and then when you realize you don't, you don't want to go through being sick, such a vicious cycle. They think their life is okay, that getting high everyday and searching for opiates is okay/normal but it's not. The only way you can help him is to show him that the only thing the pills will lead to is either death and/or prison. People addicted to prescription drugs are shady people (MOST, not all) and if one of them gets caught with pills and then come to trade xanax for vics and they set him up, he'll be in a world of shit. You need to be able to show him what WILL happen, it's not a CAN happen situation, the only thing it leads to is death, in all cases unless the person stops. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, especially being in recovery yourself. I'll pray for you.
 
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