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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Paramedics, now I need to GTFO

Lolie said:
Your only communication with him at this point should be through a lawyer and a restraining order which prohibits him from contacting you directly by any means and indirectly through others.
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This.

Remember his threats are idle and it's documented that he has been both in jail and in the hospital from an overdose. His threat to release messages from his computer about you are bullshit. And even if he were to do so, see sentences 1 and 2.

Sweetie you need to remember there is a kid involved in this situation, and this fellow is a TERRIBLE man and has no pull with anyone regardless of what he spews from his mouth. Drug addicts of his kind are nothing and will always be nothing. Save yourself and your baby.
 
mami said:
Yes, I'm going to get the van back today.

Does anyone know how to crack a Windows 7 password for free? There are programs available for purchase. He doesn't have a password recovery disk. Will the reinstallation cds do the trick?

I got into his gmail account - that's his phone - and I think I've deleted all of our conversations.

I don't have any drugs in my system other than the ones prescribed to me. I don't have any worries about DCFS now.

But I think that he might call to have my SSDI pulled. Does anyone know anything about this?

Q: Would you accept his phone calls from jail? Or just let him hang?


He would start in on the threats, I'd rather just do my thing instead of continuing this insane manipulation. I don't want to hear "...open a can of worms..." one.more.time!
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You can look up password cracking methods online but if you want something easier just use a Linux LiveCD (I recommend Linux Mint 10). It'll let you mount the Windows partition and view it without any access restrictions.

Also.. what kind of question is "How do I approach ignoring?". Is that even a serious question? If you want to ignore him do it... jeeze.
 
mami said:
Mariposa, thanks to you again for your sound POV. Getting Adderall illegally isn't something I think about as being a risk. But for many reasons (including abusive tendencies) I'm committed to stop buying it off-the-record.
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This is wonderful to hear. Depending on how well you know your source, it could be a totally minimal risk, but it could take as little as a stop in the van with expired tags with you carrying to really screw things up for you. No one here wants to see that happen to you.

An exit strategy is an excellent idea. You should program the number of your local women/children's shelter into your phone. They may have more specific advice for you on that, and they will protect you and your daughter or refer you to somewhere that can.

You will need to go to a judge in your county/state to get a restraining order. If it is an emergency, visit your local sheriff's office and file a police report. At that point, contact his lawyer ONLY so you do not violate the emergency restraining order. Please be sure it also names your daughter as a protected party. If he violates it, call the cops on him.

I am with n3o in full agreement that you need to follow your head, not your heart. The guy is someone you only need to see again in court, and yep - get child support for half the responsibility of caring for your child.

Please take care of yourself and your daughter. <3
 
PLEASE correct me if I'm wrong but I couldn't quite understand the first few posts because of the way they were worded and typed...

Wait, so both parents are shooting up drugs in this picture? Forget anything else and get the children in a more stable situation first and foremost. I *hate* to sound mean or not understanding but there's no excuse to expose children to this sort of thing.

On top of that, there's no reason you should expose yourself to someone like this. It sounds like you deserve better. How is it your fault for him getting arrested, anyway? Isn't he a grown man? He can make his own damn decisions and then sleep in the bed he has made like an adult. He made his own choices and gets to live with the consequences. So they're two felonies? They're HIS fault, not yours, and hell, maybe if he's removed from your life for a moment you will gain some clarity and realize that you AND your children all deserve much, much better.

Anyway, you said it's all about the kids and your'e absolutely right, so get them the hell away from anyone who has anything to do with hypodermic needles and such. That is NO environment to have a child around. It's dangerous both physically and emotionally no matter what age the child in question might be (and to me they're a "child" if they're under 18 and subsequently under your guard).

Have you considered getting help for your problems, maybe seeing a therapist? There's got to be some reason you don't think you deserve better than this kind of crap lifestyle (harsh words, I know, but that's exactly what it is). No one should have to put up with their significant other getting arrested constantly, endangering their own children, causing constant worry and emotional turmoil, etc. STOP going over to his house, STOP bailing him out of jail, and DON'T let him around any children!

I really do wish you and your children the best of luck and I'm sorry to hear about your situation. The only reason this post came off so rough is because I agree with you 100% about the kids being the main concern here, okay?
 
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mami said:
He is out of jail. I just received emails and he has texted me:
"is B in chicago can u stop by please i miss u"

and

"are you coming back tonight" (i'm out of town studying)

How do I approach ignoring? Would it be best to tell him I don't want to communicate, or just NOT communicate. The latter seems best as there is no room for debate!

Thoughts???
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Good for you! You should give yourself some serious credit where it's due for making this kind of decision, especially when it's such a hard one to make!

I know it's difficult to ignore someone such as a partner in a relationship but really, all it comes down to is just that: ignoring him. You deserve better from the sound of things anyway.
 
You dont' "approach" ignoring him, you simply don't respond to him anymore.
 
Yeah so like a f'g fool I responded to his texts. Decided to go over there to give him his tools. (Which I forgot). I'm not totally innocent in this relationship.. He always made sure I had some drug of choice for me. In this case I believed that he had some on Saturday night.

He drank some vodka (SO rare actually) and combined with his "hardening" jail experience, he actually hurt me. He smacked my head over (I was sitting, he was standing), and not wanting to be punked I stood up and punched his chest (not so effective). He got in my face repeating "I will f'g kill you". Somehow we ended up that he had me belly down on the couch + pulling my head backward. I knew a lady that suffers from broken vertabrae in her neck due to her abuser.

He hasn't done anything like this for over a year. I think I'm going to get a restraining order (which I've had before). This will prevent us from speaking AND continuing the cycle of sex/drugs/fake affection which hurts us both.

I went home the next morning completely defeated, completely duped, and it was super cold right after the snow storm. Burn..
 
I absolutely plan on getting an EOP, probably on Wednesday. Unfortunately my mornings (when hearings are held) are booked due to this being finals week.

I just wanted some goddamn Adderall to aide me in my studies. Ended up wasting 12 hours instead. I'll never run out of my script early again! This could have so easily been avoided.

An EOP would DEFINITELY prevent our communication from occurring. I know this because: I have had one before, and we both tried to violate the other person for breaking it. I've called the cops on him and left him in jail. He sees that I have no (legal) boundaries - now more than ever - so I am positive that HE will take it just as seriously if I contact him.
 
mami said:
Update + 4 days later >

He got picked up last night by the local cops. I drove his van downtown to pay the bail (his cash on hand would hopefully have covered it, I thought). At midnight, it's freezing, sleepy kid on my arms, I found out he was set to see the judge today- Just called- it's $500.

He has 2 felonies, for which I feel like an idiot -- I could have prevented...
1. Possession of a hypodermic needle
2. Possession of a controlled substance w/o prescription

He enlightened me to the fact that I could have thrown all that shit out; I didn't have to leave it where he left it. ("He came home like this." I would've done that too, but frankly I:
a) unfamiliar with "protocol" to prevent felony charges
b) making sure he was taking breaths at least every 30 seconds

You all seem pretty turned off about guy from what little I've said. But I'm wondering what I should do now? On Friday (it's Monday) he'll have enough money to post bail. I'm afraid that if I put out my $300, he won't pay me back because I "should have" ditched the drugs.

Additionally, his van (out of current registration) is still downtown. I drove it there, but as it has no starter -- a *screwdriver* is the key. It's unlocked (he always tells me to leave it unlocked).. but there are costly tools in the back. I couldn't restart the damn thing so I paid $20 for a cab.

To be honest I know that I should leave him there till he can afford his own bail, but I'm totally responsible for getting that damn van back to his place.

Thoughts, comments, please? TIA!
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wtf are you located that having a rig is a felony?


i have been arrested multiple times with a rig and its a mis. charge of drug para.
 
You should have called the police.. I think you're codependent and you probably want the abuse.
 
mami let me tell u from exeprience the abuse only gets worse please leave this man alone if not for u for your daughters sake. as a little girl i grew up seeing my mother abused i was always scared never felt safe, when u grow up like that more often than not u end up with an abusive man yourself which is exactly what i did. i am proud to say i looked at MY daughter and stopped the cycle. it hurts my heart to think about your little baby girl being scared just like i was. Mami please stop the cycle u dont want her to grow up in that and in return think that is the way woman should b treated. We r all rooting for u stay strong sweetie U CAN DO THIS!!!
 
Thanks Curlyg. Your "testimony" speaks volumes <3 ...

To PP - I researched "codependency" and you hit the spot. Codependent addicts-- are you KIDDING? Not going to work.

Asstard said I "crossed the line" by deleting 3 of my messages out of his email (from me, drug related, wanted to eliminate any potential blackmail). He started YELLING things that a child should NOT hear - I've really laid it down about the language and vocabulary. A 2 year old is a tattle tale in the midst! So he's mad, right? Let's YELL FUCK (and variations of this) about 10-15x, BITCH 5X. Again- ARE YOU KIDDING?

I JUST extinguished her behavior (saying 'fuck'). Now I've gotta pack my stuff again and go to my Dad's... and she's going to be saying "daddy... fuck" again. Or just- "fuck" when she's mad. I ignored his yelling and tuned in to her by referring to a favorite Barney episode where they sing, "sometimes I feel angry...". The de-briefing is complete, but as he took off, this is her last memory of him today and she's going to keep saying- "angry". Then, I'll repeat the de-briefing and sing the "angry" song. And talk about when she's angry. And grandma. And mommy. We all get angry. ....

come on, all you holier-than-thou NOT-parents.. tell me that I shouldn't be a mom. Let's flame. Ha. I ... don't want to argue that point. You only know the snippets I write here. My child DOES experience novel events like this, and it is not the breadth of her experience. Fyi.. before the flames.

I'm posting to chronicle the insanity of codependency. I get my script TOMORROW. This... is over. I'll LYK in a week if I was able to keep away. Then the week after that...
 
Children keep you moving when your soul is more or less bleeding.

Being a parent means MOVEMENT, no time for crying or self-pity.

I'm out.
 
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