PANIC my stim situation gone pear-shaped again ...

[MrsGamp]

Sorry to be oblique but I am a bit paranoid that cops might somehow be able to read this ... suffice to say that I am looking down the gun barrel of having to do a LOT of teaching over next few days with practically no stims, not even Sudafed.

And I haven't taught without being on stims for years.

Actually until recently, I hadn't even taught at all for years, but you get my drift.

It sounds silly but I feel shit scared and really worried about my long term situation.

A lot of the time I can't even get out of bed without Dex.

I'm sure I'll force myself to get out of bed to go to work, of course, but I'm gonna feel so foulo and nervous.

Anyone ever been in a similar position (having to cope with stressful things very suddenly, without armour of one's D.O.C)?

What are some tips for coping?

Any help would be much appreciated!

 

[Pinkbeam]

It definitely sucks to be in that predicament. I've been a daily user of meth for 7 years and if I didnt have it, I was in bed and not getting up.

Right now I'm on antipsychotics though and I only feel about half the effects as I use to feel, which is another issue, another day.

Right before these antipsychotics I went on a 15 month sober streak and I learned alot. I was forced to get sober because I lost my kid and went to jail, but it really was the best thing that could have happened to me.

My addiction had spiraled out of control. I wasn't working anymore and was really behind on my mortgage so I lost my house right after jail. I also didnt have any electricity. Losing my kid was the worst though. (My friend hotlined me for having no electricity and using meth and they drug tested me and I lost him, I wasnt beating him or anything like that.)

Anyways, point being, I needed to get sober for awhile and although some days were so damn hard, I made it 15 months and I never expected that in my wildest dreams. I got my old self back again. The me I forgot existed. I had feelings back and wasn't antisocial. I started meds and started therapy. I got a job and a new house. I felt like I was alive and connected to the world.

Yes, I'm using it again now. I started when I got my case closed. I was so scared to do it again but it was like giving them a big F U when i got to finally get high again. Its different this time though, thanks to those antipsychotics lol. I can do it all day long and hardly get high and I havent been spending my money on it like I use to. It just wakes me up somewhat and makes me feel like I can be productive.... normal feeling really.

So, the point of all the rambling was for me to say, now, if I'm out, I DO get out of bed and I do still go to work, even though I bitch the whole way there. Once I get there around people that i cant openly discuss it around, i put my game face on and i manage to push through. It's all mental. You will be surprised what you can do sober. If you worry yourself to death over it, thinking your gonna feel awful, then you probably will. If you mentally prepare yourself that you are strong and you got this, tomorrow is just another day, then you can get through it better and easier.

One last thing before I go. I'm one of those people that have to have something everyday. Meth or pills or gabapentin or weed, just SOMETHING. I'm not recommending you try this at all, I'm just telling you the levels I have stooped to lol. If I have absolutely nothing, I will take 12 Benadryl and feel AMAZING. Yep.

Thanks for reading.

 

[MrsGamp]

Thanks for your frankness ...

I suppose if nothing else a short break at least will make me prettier. I just took a masochistic selfie and was surprised by how exhausted I lool.

Btw the only reason I am able to semi-jest about this is that the last of supply has not yet worn off ...

Tomorrow is really going to be awful.

 

[MrsGamp]

PS: just took a cigarette break (am frantically marking a truckload of essays by Grade 4 and 5 children ...!) and read your post properly.

I liked:

So, the point of all the rambling was for me to say, now, if I'm out, I DO get out of bed and I do still go to work, even though I bitch the whole way there. Once I get there around people that i cant openly discuss it around, i put my game face on and i manage to push through. It's all mental. You will be surprised what you can do sober. If you worry yourself to death over it, thinking your gonna feel awful, then you probably will. If you mentally prepare yourself that you are strong and you got this, tomorrow is just another day, then you can get through it better and easier.

However, like yourself I need SOMETHING every bloody day. It's a real shame you can't buy pseudoephedrine in proper quantity any more. I'm absolutely fine on Sudafed. Actually I only got into the Dex thing because they took the Sudafed away ... that probably sounds very pissy compared with meth, but I can't take meth withiut being totally off my face - I'd probably end up telling these poor little kids obscene jokes, or something.

Besides I don't even know where to get meth.

 

[Pinkbeam]

Good. Dont do meth run from it, please.

So why are you out?

You are gonna do okay tomorrow. Remember, do the drug, dont let the drug do you.

 

[MrsGamp]

Thanks blossom ...