Panic attacks whenever intoxicated on any substance

[leggomyego]

I'm sorry if this thread has been made before--I couldn't find it using the fucking search engine.

My problem is panic attacks, on EVERY substance I take.

I first got them my second time taking DXM. See, the first time I tried DXM I was tripping so hard I couldn't move or speak coherently, and yet I was fine, because I didn't KNOW I could get panic attacks at the time. On my second time, though, halfway into the trip, I felt a feeling I get whenever I get out-of-body experiences--vibrations, weightlessness, electricity down my spine, eyes rolling up into head--and I suddenly remembered William White saying something about someone who had a psychotic break while trying astral projection on DXM. I got a panic attack, and swore off high doses of DXM.

The next time I had a panic attack was when I was smoking pot. Again, I had smoked before. But I didn't think I COULD get panic attacks while stoned. I had no anxiety whatsoever. I guess I wasn't PRIMED to the feeling, if that makes any sense. This time, though, the depersonalization from being way stoned was similar to what I felt freaking out on DXM.

Since those initial panic attacks a year ago, I've gotten anxious or just outright panicked anytime I'm in an altered state, whether on stimulants, on dissociatives, or on psychedelics (only once, and it was terrifying enough for me to stop taking psychedelics altogether--I miss them a lot). I also freaked out once when on a high dose of kratom I couldn't fight my nodding off. And around the end of last year, I even started getting panic attacks in my dreams, so that now I have to squeeze my eyes and wake up every time I gain lucidity. Before that, I had used dreams as a transition to OBEs.

Alcohol seems to be my only way of venturing into novel head spaces without getting anxious. I suspect benzos would work similarly, but I've never come into contact with them.

What should I do? I'd hate for you guys to say something like "maybe drugs just aren't for you", but maybe drugs just aren't for me.

 

[psyfiend]

I've had that quite similar problems within the last year on a few different occasions. Really not sure what it comes from... I've had my fair share of substance abuse in the last 10 years. I was at a friends place and decided to take a small dose of 2c-i (its been over a year) ended up smoking a joint and totally freaking out and calling an ambulance. I sometimes get the panic attacks when I do K again, and end up embarrassing myself in front of good friends.

It comes back when I smoke cannabis too, the extreme paranoia, etc.

I rarely take psychedelics anymore, I really miss them too they were always my favorite and most meaningful of all substances. I'm guessing my mind isn't too stable as it once was. I can say something for sure my period of ketamine abuse almost 2 years ago now left me with some really strange negative effects to this day.

 

[Jester-Race]

most certainly panic attacks can happen after your mental state of mind on multitudes of substances, it's happened plenty of times to me before.

your mind does go through a learning/changing progress that can cause paranoia in circumstances in which you aren't ready for.

normally most drugs inhibit any type of anxiety, however after the experience certain things can trigger anxiety due to the fact your brain is used to the trip/situation that had happened before and then you start worrying about it.

exercise. eat healthy. lay off everything including marijuana for at least a month.

it'll get better.

 

[fivelinefury]

Hrm,, yeah i've found to get somewhat more paranoid and/or anxious over time with using drugs. For me I believe it is just all in my head even before taking the drug. (eg. I used to be a full blown benzo addict, on so much diazepam, xanax, etc., every day and night that, that was just my norm and it didn't matter. But nowadays, even on the odd occasion when taking an anti-anxiety med I have felt some anxiety because of the thoughts in my head of people around me knowing i'm using it at that time.

 

[DexterMeth]

Could also be from subconscious suicidal ideation. You're looking for synthetic ways to destroy your ego and it's not working, but at least it's driving you crazy. Stop doing it.

 

[fakeplastictrees4]

I remember when I went through a period of amphetamine abuse when I was a big stoner and one day at the tail end of my amph abuse I took a few big chops from my friends bong and had a pretty bad panic attack. Thought secretly all my friends were laughing at me and conspiring against me...ridiculously fast heart beat, ect... It took about 2 months of abstaining from amphetamines to go back to normal, anxiety wise. And even to this day I worry about getting overly paranoid when I toke, but then I just say fuck it and it turns out fine. Almost never get overly paranoid. I'm pretty close to being anxiety free.

I'd just say that you should calm yourself and really try not to think about panic attacks, they're totally psychosomatic. I wouldn't suggest more drugs to cover up the symptoms. Just take it little by little, a toke here and there won't do you any harm.

 

[leggomyego]

I've actually been clean for two or three months. I got kicked out of college, moved to another country, and only recently got into the scene here (yay for K). So I don't know if I would still get panic attacks if I started again. I'm just afraid to try. It's the fear of panic attacks themselves which has been solidified with the experience of an altered state of consciousness, I think. "The fear of fear itself?" Then again, maybe by now this fear will have subsided a bit.

 

[Material541]

I've actually been clean for two or three months. I got kicked out of college, moved to another country, and only recently got into the scene here (yay for K). So I don't know if I would still get panic attacks if I started again. I'm just afraid to try. It's the fear of panic attacks themselves which has been solidified with the experience of an altered state of consciousness, I think. "The fear of fear itself?" Then again, maybe by now this fear will have subsided a bit.

If you're afraid to try and are scared of having a panic attack, I would lay off drugs (particularly weed, psychedelics, and dissociatives) for the time being. Focus on other things and pick up a hobby. Constantly thinking about the fear of fear will create a positive feedback loop. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but I think it is the best option for you.

 

[RedLeader]

"The fear of fear itself?" Then again, maybe by now this fear will have subsided a bit.

This plays a role in it, sure. I'm guessing you have a bit of OCD, too, which loops the necessity to fear fear through your mind at certain times. You want to try and conquer the fear of fear without a bunch of psychedelic madness going on at the same time, though.

It might seem like fears of regular things are disconnected from the abstract fears of your trips. And they may be very different, yes, but they all stem from some type of insecurity.

I am afraid of deep water. Gee, I'm a loser because I cannot swim...

I am afraid of public speaking. This is going to make me fail out of school...

I am afraid of panic attacks. I rationally know that they won't hurt me, and it's lame that I still get so scared.

Try not to see fear so much as a weakness. It's not a weakness; we often fear things for good reason. People who say things like "fear is for the weak-minded" are simply afraid to admit their fears because they are embarrassed of them. Open up with the people in your life about your ordinary fears. If you had a scary dream, talk about it. If you woke up with a spider on your chest, tell your friends. When you talk with others about your fears, you don't feel so alone with them, and this should help you feel more secure about them. Even if your fear is of something silly, chances are your friends' silly fears will come out too.

Reevaluating, reassessing and appreciating your fears, over time, will take a lot of the terror out of them and fear will start to feel a lot more instinctive/reactionary and less "oh shit my head is going to explode." If you continue to use drugs, learning to think this way should give you a better cushion when things do get intense. Taking lower doses and using different substances won't hurt, either.

 

[leggomyego]

Reevaluating, reassessing and appreciating your fears, over time, will take a lot of the terror out of them and fear will start to feel a lot more instinctive/reactionary and less "oh shit my head is going to explode." If you continue to use drugs, learning to think this way should give you a better cushion when things do get intense. Taking lower doses and using different substances won't hurt, either.

That's great advice, the "taking the fear out of fear" bit. I never thought of it that way. I think I'll just smoke small amounts of hash, snort small bumps of K, and learn to deal with the anxiety on these so that they become "reactionary". I'll see how that goes.

And do you mind me asking?: what do you mean when you said all fears "stem from some type of insecurity"?