pain

Times are getting rougher, each day.
I realize, I should instead of seeing a mountain climb said mountain of shit.

Honestly, a year and a half ago I would have said no problem. Now, it feels impossible. Let's begin the dumpage.

Last year: Late abortion, car accident, a job that overworked me to the point where i self sabotaged and ruined the job that I was fiscally and emotionally very devoted to. More debt, these events catalyzed the destruction of my relationship. I then entered school, which was awesome, our condo flooded, putting strain on my ability to perform academically. Then, i fucked up some finances, more stress financially. Then i find out some horrible infidelities of my partner of 7 years... horrible horrible actions. Which landed me in a mental hospital, and I then moved back in with my parents in August of last year. Since this time, I developed a heroine addiction which i quit 3 months ago on my own, and my parents don't have running water. They cant pay the bills. Ontop of this, I apply for jobs, but hear no word and I am experience wise, very qualified. I am extremely lonely, living in a stupid town far far away from my home of 7 years.

I am at a very dangerous point. To myself. I am in a position in which I am very depressed, trapped, and have no means of helping myself. I barely sleep anymore and barely eat. I'm falling apart.

 

I understand b/c my life has fallen apart too in the last 6 mos but I think if we think positively and look forward instead of back- we can overcome the hard times.

I'm sorry to hear about the shitty year- but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
(cheesy I know, but true)

 

Wow. I knew that last year was tough for you WV, but I had no idea it was that hard. Yet you're still here. I'd be in horrible shape if I had even a fraction of that happen to me. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, I think. It is hard to think in such a way when you're still in the thick of it, but it is through adversity that we grow as people.

Sorry, all I've got are empty platitudes. You've demonstrated your strength and resilience over and again, and while you're a bit down now, things will turn around in time. Nothing lasts, fortunately including bad times.

 

I've begged and begged you to forgive me and give me a chance to prove to you for the rest of your life how sorry I am. And you leave out so much, you make it all look like my fault. But I don't care who's fault it is anymore I just miss you and love you more than any words I know.

I quit smoking, pills, I've done so much to make myself a better person and I am going back to school in 2012. Come home to Colorado, get healthy, and we will move to the next level in our lives. I can never stop loving you and I'm sorry I said such mean things to you in that letter two days ago. I am still WDing and not always at my best. I pray you can forgive me. I will soon have health coverage and will be getting help for dealing with all of my displaced anger.