• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

pain after an affair

soconfused2012

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 26, 2012
Messages
20
Well, Irecently was involved with a married man as a fuck buddy. Yes, before anyone starts on how wrong it was....I already know. This man came onto me and I was so lonely that I went with it. Well we have been texting daily, sending each other pics daily and meeting up when possible. He told me that he would rather have sex with me than his wife, that sex with her was dull and boring and lastly that he was stuck on me and married but falling for me. Well 2 days later his wife found out. He immediately contacted me and told me to deny deny deny. I did for him but the abuse got worse and worse. He ended up confessing and they decided to try to work it out. Which is fine, I never thought he would chose me. But he didn't tell her the whole truth and was asking me to keep the rest a secret. Well, he contacted me and told me not to text or call him anymore and I Told him I wouldn't if that is what he wanted. He said it is what he wanted and i Told him that was fine and I Am glad I Didn't have to keep his secrets anymore. Well that was it for him. He got angry and started to say cruel things to me that he never meant any of the things he said to me and that he was drunk 90% of the time, which I know was untrue. I know he was just angry because he didn't want the truth to come out but Ido not understand how you can be so cruel to someone who you supposedly cared about all because you got caught. It wasn't my fault, and he confessed. I know it is my own fault for getting involved with a married man but it didn't make the pain any easier. I truly cared for him. I wanted the best for him. He told me things were not good between the two of them and I believed him. She later confirmed that as well, so I guess everything he said was not a lie. But we live and we learn and I will never do something like this again. It was painful. And before he got angry he made sure to let me know that i didn't deserve any of this. I know he truly cared but the pain of knowing I will never talk to my friend again hurts. The pain of knowing he would try to hurt my feelings because he was angry....that is the part I just won't understand.
 
I think it's normal for him to be angry. He realizes he fucked up, he's facing the prospect of his marriage being ruined and he knows he's responsible for it but he's trying to avoid facing that fact, so he's blaming you instead and putting all the responsibility and blame on your shoulders. Irresponsible and shitty, yes, but a normal reaction IMO. He probably doesn't mean the horrible things he's saying to you know, he's just trying to convince himself he didn't do anything wrong.
That being said, the best thing for you to do now is to move on from the whole thing - accept that you do have some part to play in it, albeit less than him - and go for a single guy next time.
 
You don't need to hear his voice to know that you don't deserve his abuse. He is taking his anger out on you when he should be taking it out on himself, it's easier to blame someone else than take responsibility. It feels impossible to get past someone who has fucked with your head, if you can, you should try to surround yourself with supportive people who can help get your mind off things. One day this will be a distant memory and you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you were the bigger person <3 Hang in there.
 
Thank You all. I know I don't deserve your kind words. I did a horrible thing and I see it now, but he also played on my emotions. See Iam newly divorced and that is exactly how he started having conversation with me. Asking about my ex, telling me my ex was stupid because I am a sweetheart and a good mother etc. I am not making excuses for my part at. And Inever plan to do this again. I am a better person than this. I made a huge mistake, and its going to affect me for a while because we did have feelings. @Pagey, I agree. I do not believe he means the things he is saying now, he is just angry because where he only told half the story, I told the whole story. It doesn't make it hurt any less. But I guess Karma is getting back at me because I found out today that I may have cervical cancer.
 
Oh no I'm so sorry :( I really hope you don't, I really do...no matter how bad you feel about the affair you certainly do not deserve to have cancer. Yes you made a mistake, and if I'm being honest yes, I do think you should feel bad about it, but please don't see this as karma. I really hope you'll be okay <3
 
Wow, soconfused what a terrible situation to be in. And what a jerk for being so heartless.

Don't beat yourself up. You did something wrong, got burned, and now you are feeling sorry. You know how many people make bad choices and need a second chance? LOTTTTS of people. Your current medical situation has nothing to do with it, so don't even put those two together.

Besides, the married guy is just as guilty, and for him to be a jerk speaks loudly of his character more than yours. You seem to be able to accept it as-is and move one where he is taking out his unhappiness on you. He needs to take care of business if he's that unhappy. It's not your fault you can just cut him off and move on with life. That's a good thing. Not a bad thing.
 
It’s possible he sent those messages to you just as insurance for saving his ass if his wife ever checks his phone. She will most likely snoop to see if he is still contacting you then will be pleasantly surprised when she finds that he is actually getting pissed off at you.

Quite smart although manipulative.
 
There are so many single guys out there that I have no sympathy when women choose a "bad" guy. Ultimately, they choose... men propose dates, etc... women choose to accept or deny. They bring it upon themselves 73% of the time.

Its like in middle/high school where all of the girls deny all of the guys except johnny football star whom they then all lust after and compete with each other.
 
Firstly, I am sorry about the cervical cancer. that sucks and I am sure that you will survive it and make a good recovery. BTW, this is just a coincidence, it is isn't karma.

In terms of this affair blowing up in your face, well that is to be expected. Both of you were doing the wrong thing. He certainly was, but so were you as you knowingly got involved in the situation. Do you deserve his abuse now? No not really. He made his choices and he is just trying to deflect his own guilt and responsbility for his actions onto you. However, you are partially responsible for his wife's pain.

Let this be a life lesson, getting involved with people who are married or in a relationship greatly hurts people. Even if things were different and he left his wife for you, you would have been involved in destroying a marriage and a family. There are plenty of unattached single men out there. If you want to fool around, then go for them. There really is no where near the chance of people getting hurt as getting involved with someone married or in a relationship.
 
I'm sorry that you have had to go through this. I'm sure that you will learn from this though. Married men - it just won't work out. I figure that, if he's cheating on his wife, it can NEVER end up well. He hurts her. Even if he breaks up with her, he'll probably end up hurting you. People who cheat are, generally, not trustworthy. There are tons of single guys out there :)
 
Sounds like he's taking it out on you, and you don't deserve this. I'm sure there's plenty of men out there without wives that would appreciate who you are not not leave you to go back to their wife.
 
I appreciate all the advice here. I know Itook part in a bad thing, and no feelings were ever supposed to get involved but theydid. Just days before his wife found out he said he had feelings for me then when it got bad for him, he started being nasty to me. I know he meant the sweet things he said to me, and he did say his wife and him were having problems, but I never really expected him to leave her for me. I also didn't expect him to be nasty to me. Especially when he was extra sweet to me when she first found out, telling me how sorry he was and how I didn't deserve any of this. He had horrible things to say about his wife throughout our "relationship", and I don't know how he could talk so poorly about her yet still turn around and work it out with her. I am all for trying to work out a marriage and would have respected him if he had said"look we can't do this anymore I want to try with my wife" but he never did that....not until she found out. Then he didn't even tell her the whole story. I know that is why he is angry...because I decided to tell the whole truth rather than continue to live with lies. I wanted to move past this and clear my conscious, but he wanted to keep lying. It is ok, he can be angry, it just proves the type of man he really is.
 
Top