my addiction came on slow, leading me to believe that i was in control. at the end of the day though, the reality is that i still did things to myself and people i swore i would never do. this proves that i was not in control, tht the drug was.
holy shit I think this is right where I am in the addiction process.
-My friend gave me some methadone for free, no charge just to be friendly. Well I was thinking to myself how I could steal a couple more out of his bag. THAT IS NON-SENSE thinking. Selfishness
-I will spend $10 on a few pills and be happy about my purchase, yet when I go out with friends I regret buying $5 in food to feed myself.
-BUT, I have pills just sitting next to my bed and I still have the self control to not take them. I plan on saving them for a party or something someday.
-I search my whole house for pills and pretty much every single bathroom I enter at other peoples houses, whether I know them or not I don't care, I just want to find some sweet pills.
-Every time I step into a store that sells flowers I ALWAYS catch my eyes wonderung around looking for some dryed poppy heads. I won't buy them when I see them but I get some sort of pleasure or satisfaction just by looking at the pods.
-But still get extremely high off of 15mgs oxycodone snorted..but its not as good as my first few times with 10mgs...
DAMN IT...thank you silveer for these posts..I am deciding to not use opiates for a long time....and If i get the urge to take the methadone ill flush them down the toilet and prove to myslef some stupid pill can't take me over
Sticking with psychidelics just like i used to....
although I don't HAVE to get high to have fun....NO YET atleast
