Oxycodone Addict/PTO Mom needs to get tolerance down, in w/d for first time in 2 yrs

[nerdmom]

****This is long and rambling, I apologize in advance. The jist: I need some help controlling oxycodone better so I don't have to be away from my kids for detox at some hospital. ANY advice is appreceiated. Have learned a lot on BL, but no one situation is quite like mine so far that I have read. Not that I could read all of it.

I know that this thread may be better somewhere else, but BL is so vast and so new to me, I'm just going to hope this is placed by the ever-knowledgable moderators and replied to, often. I am a 28 yr old mom of two brilliant, beautiful boys, ages 6 and 4. I am one of those perky, hyper, fast talking people who operate on warp speed everyday. Sometimes Iwish it wasn't so, but I can't help but be myself. i have a lot of energy, as do my little genetic clones, so it comes in handy. For the last two years, oxycodone has also come in very, very handy to get through my busy days acting like a perfect housewife and mother. My husband, a snake charmer that could convince someone to chop their testicles off, (he only uses it for the forces of good, and to supply me with drugs) gets pretty large amounts of opioids prescribed to him for real pain. He genuinely needs (most of) them, though a couple of years ago, on a day of endless crying from serious, seemingly untreatable depression, he chopped up one of his little miracle pills for me. Instantaneously, my depression was gone. My brain was more organized, I could clean the house, cook some French dinner, play with my kids, have unbelievable relations with my husband. I felt the love, and I have been doing a dangerous dance with it since. Since my reckless teenage days, other than smoking some weed here and there, I have never really used drugs. Now i never would unless it helped me perform better because I simply have too much to do, and I have this ridiculous perfectionism thing going on. Since I started the oxycodone, I have developed a very promising freelance career and am super involved in my sons' school.

Unfortunately, the whole tolerance thing is totally fucking with me now, and my little house of cards is falling. I am consistently running out of 210 30 mg pills per month. I am doing about 10 per day, snorting, and trying to be good with them the last week or so before I run out. My husband has been trying to convince to take them orally, and much to my bewilderment, I have learned on BL that he was right, and I was wrong, with oxycodone the bioavailability is better taken orally than insufflating. So I guess I lose my cute little box I use and carry around everywhere. Which, honestly, pisses me off a great deal. Has to be the junkie in me saying that. I have gone into semi-withdrawal several times now, up until the point where I'm horribly out of it and puking, but never have been able to completely detox since I have been doing them every day, for about a year and a half. Until now, my husband would hook me up a little bit with his fentanyl, which he absolutely cannot afford to do at this point. I am scared. Maybe I'm a wimp, but I've known enough of withdrawal symptoms to know that I don't, and really can't with my life right now, not be operating at a manageable speed on Tuesday, which at the time of this is about 3 1/2 days. Help, I need a plan that could possibly work for someone like me. It has been 3 days since I'm without my drug of choice, and have been getting by on tylenol 3s with codeine, about 10 a day, and maybe 25 mcg of fentanyl. The fentanyl is gone now. I have the liquid Immodium, a small 4 oz. (120 ml) bottle. I have the upcoming labor day (3 day) weekend to be lazy. I also have plenty of colonidine, (sp?), which is knocking me out at night, but I have low blood pressure naturally and it's not prescribed for me, so I'm apprehensive. Also have a lot of tylenol 3s, with codeine, and I've been taking them orally for two or so days but codeine makes breathing hard for me, so I'm scared to take anymore. I may be able to find some opanas, whichh I forget the mg, but last time I did them, a day I had lots of my pills, they royally fucked me up and I had to lay down. A feeling that I'm really not used to and don't like since it's not really my style or my addiction. So I'm confident that they are strong enough to help me through. Also may be able to find suboxone, the orange n8 8 mg ones, but I've never done suboxone. I will look up suboxone dosage here, worry not.
My husband, rightfully so, is sick of the monster problem that I am during the scarce week or so. I need to get better at this, or quit altogether. I'm not sure I am ready to quit though. I sure as hell can't go to detox, my kids have NEVER been away from me longer than a day trip with Grandma, and I would surely be desperately missed by all. I salute those of you who have went through the full withdrawal hell many times, but I, as I stated, am a wimp. I believe I may be able to secure enough opioids to possibly make it through until I get my little life makers. I know I can't do this forever, but I feel hopeless regarding a plan to somehow fix this issue.
These are the things I have found to be helpful: getting really involved in a video game, sleeping pills for the insomnia and restlessness, ofc ourse being lazy and letting my kids tear through my home like a tornado.
My questions are:
1. How the hell does anyone work during withdrawal? Has anyone had to do this? If so, any advice you could give me is much appreciated. I'm usually found at home in pajama pants, so I guess I'll be comfy, but there is so much to do at home for me I never stop moving on a typical day.
2. What about a day that you have to be "in polite company", with people who can't know? **Add-on info: my sister works in a doctors office, and she tells me about everyonw we used to know/know that is a drug addict. It scares me enough to want to avoid telling anyone other than my husband, even my own doctor, for fear of my kids suffering any backlash from horrible PTO women politicking bullshit.
3. Caffeine usage? Helpful or no?
And anything else you can think of that may be helpful.

Thanks so much for reading and any advice, really. If nothing else, I got it off my chest.

 

[Princess Pantopon]

Hey nerdmom, hang in there. Tell everyone you have the flu. Symptoms actually not so different from flu, so you can definitely fake it. No one will ever know any different. Flu will keep you away from the 'polite company' issue too. Caffeine----not helpful, will just make you nervous, better to stay away. Peppermint tea---ginger ale. Benadryl can help for sleep---so can melatonin (over the counter, both). If you have the willpower: time-honored taper. Reduce your dose by 1/3 every three days. It's important to reduce by 1/3 rather than one half, or one fourth, or whatever, and to do it every three days, because the opiates stay in your system 3 days. So: if you are taking (for argument's sake) 9 pills a day: Do your same maintenence dose, 9 pills, for 3 days. Next three days: 6 pills. Next three days: 3 pills per day. Next three days: one pill per day. Then: from one pill per day you can just jump off, without much problems. Get a little pill box and measure the pills out ahead of time, per day, for the length of the taper, that makes it easier. This takes willpower but it is definitely better than quitting cold turkey. Wishing you all kinds of luck and hope it all goes well! Happy Labor day!

 

[alasdairm]

homeless -> od

alasdair

 

[vikenRedbull]

u cant be thinking to yourself, that you are a better person on them, or a better mother on them, these thoughts and beliefs will cause you to relapse very easily. if youve gone 3 days, your getting towards the hump where things will begin to get better. that a plus mentally and physically. ive been thru w/d's a couple times, youll fell better about 1/2 the time as you were getting worse if that makes sense.

just remember, being a mom, and your 'organization' or planning or all the duties you do on the pills are not more efficient while on them, maybe the first week or so of abusing them, you were but now you mentally cannot do a lot of the things that you believe are better while on the pills, abusing these is one of the worst things you can do, because of this, i work in an office and on the telephone i used to 'believe' that i was a much better salesman and more efficient worker while on these pills, and going back to working without them, is very difficult. be strong in your head, you'll be fine.

pound imodium as much as possible at first, it should take away a lot of the physical symoptoms, them begin to taper off that after a week, benzos at night for sleep (but dont replace one addiction for another), i use the lope pills the little small ones and will do about 9-10 morning and night first few days, but you may need more, im not giving you dosage advice, just what i typically do inbetween days, or during a detox, and i am able to go to work and function. btw im a single father and if i can do it, you can too

peace

 

[DooMMooD]

"I cant go away to detox I would be desperately missed by all"....

comeon. Get better or your kids will suffer every time you have a "scare week".

Honestly I really hope you go get help and get off this stuff for good. Shits poison and honestly an addict parent ruins a childs life; I say that from personal experience. As for your questions:

1) Most people are lucky if they can get out of bed to take a walk during w/d. The short answer is: 99/100 times people do NOT work during withdrawals. I remember going into some pretty bad oxymorphone w/d at work and had to go home: told everyone I had the flu

2) as Princess said: tell everyone you have the flu. Generally people want to steer clear of people who are sick like that....they take one look at you and go: wow I do NOT want to feel that way.

3) No. Stay FAR FAR away from caffeine. Will make all symptoms worse.

 

[mrflowers00]

ok your questions are not good so i'm gonna say you need to find a doctor that can prescribe subutex/suboxone it helps with depression and almost completely takes away the wds and you can maintain on it cause your tolerance to it won't be an issue because you can't get "high" off it unless you do it at most once a week but everyday use makes life much more easy idk why i still even use oxy when i can get subutex i guess the high is too nice to let go of for me but you need to wait 24 hours with out any opioid/opiates before you take the subs or it can make you much more sick than you already are and if you still feel like you need oxy once your on subs it doesn't work unless you quit the subs for a few days so use that time to think about your decision to use and if thats really what you want to do

 

[BiggDirty01]

Nerdmom:

I can appreciate the feelings you subscribe to when you take Oxycodone, as both an addict and now a chronic pain patient who has to take meds as prescribed versus the fun/motivation I derived from opiates to get school/work/social life accomplished successfully.

These feelings you have are coming from somewhere in your mind/heart and you really need to consider detox/inpatient treatment because I don't see you being able to maintain a fulfilling life unless you get a better understanding of why you are not having these feelings without Oxycodone. You say that treatment is not an option because of your kids, but at ages 6 and 4 there would never be as good an opportunity then now while they are still young enough to not comprehend what "addiction" means. In fact, it seems like you are using this an excuse to continue using and just figure out a way to lower your tolerance.

Let me tell you something: there is no way that it is possible to lower your tolerance without stopping use for a significant period of time. Sure you can use NMDA antagonists to help keep your tolerance from rising as quickly as it normally would and potentiation techniques to get more out of your drugs, but these are stop gap measures that facilitate the continuation of using.

Think about this: is 30 days of your life that big of a deal in the scheme of your whole life (I went to rehab last year at 26, almost same age as you now). You must consider attacking the issues beneath the surface that make you feel as if you cannot function as well without Oxy. This is something you discover in treatment (at least I did) and they can help you develop coping skills and potential psychiatric medications to help your emotional state of mind. I got placed on anti depressants despite my opinion of not being depressed, and it turned out to help me function mentally just as well as I did on opiates. It can be something as simple as neuro chemical imbalance that needs correcting, and instead you are self medicating and taking meds away from your husband, who you said has legitimate pain issues.

I might be coming off as a dick, but really I am looking out for your best interests here. You are digging yourself an early grave and a ticket to a horrible future for both you and the rest of your family should you stick with using. When your kids become more aware as they get older you will find that your addiction is making you a worse mother, and it leads to causing fractures within your household that lead to resentments and eventually....disaster. The 12 steps say that continued addiction has only 3 endings: Jails, Institutions and Death. Please please look at that fact and choose liberty over the guarantee of enslavement that opiate addiction brings with it.

Mike