Rambo!12
Bluelighter
Hello all I am new here. Just wanted to tell my story of my brief and deadly dance with china white that just happened a few days ago. Maybe someone that browses on here will see it and they will decide not to try it....idk ye of little faith. I have had almost every drug you can imagine except for heroin, mainly because it wasn't really for me. Also, when I went to rehab for a while, the people coming down off H looked like they wanted to die any second. It was very odd looking back. All types of drug users under one roof. Xanax addicts living with heroin and meth addicts alongside alcoholics and mind bogglers. (what I call people that take a shit ton of mdma n lsd) All experiencing different comedowns, craziness.
Anyway, there I sat after a meth binge and I picked up a shit ton of heroin because I was drunk and xanaxed the fuck out. I was gonna pick up some cokefor tomorrow, but my guy only had the H on him, so I said fuck it, Il give it a shot and bought a 300 sack.....yeah when I give something a shot, I spend 300 dollars on it...anyway I started railing lines of that shit like it was coke. I didn't do any research on how much to do etc. IF YOUR GOING TO TRY A DRUG RESEARCH IT, UNLIKE MY DUMBASS WHO LOOKS IT UP AFTER THE FACT. Took my first line at 5:30 in the morning. I threw up at work, at about 11, but I just kept taking it because I don't know, I thought I'd feel better after one I guess? Better answer to that question is that I am a fucking dumbass.
I got in an argument with my father, which added to the frustration, especially it being a physical demanding job. Imagine a guy thats used to going to work on meth show up on heroin....fuckin sucked. Anyway day finally ended, which felt like forever at the time, but now I can only remember bits and parts of it, almost feeling like it never happened. I started home seeing there was a shit ton of traffic as always, so I pulled over into a parking lot. I started hittin it hard. It was weird it was like I was taking it because I was mad at myself for buying it? If that makes any sense. I just wanted it gone, I hated this shit, I want coke. First thing that crosses a normal persons mind is, "Just dump it out." yeahhhh your not an addict. Il be damned if I waste good drugs!
I had half the sack with me and half of it at my house. After railing the final line that I had, I licked up the rest on the mirror. I remember closing my eyes and it looked exactly like when star wars ships go into warp speed. Just stars flying by me. It was pretty dope actually. I could not feel a god damn thing, physcially or emotionally. I was literally sitting in my car punching my self and pricking myself trying to get some kind of feeling. I just wanted to sit there........it was scaring me. Then I saw that I was breathing EXTREMELY slowly and that I could not even swallow my own spit. These demonesque voices came quickly after. I couldn't hear them outside of my ears, but I could hear them in my head. It was like something was inside me, talking to me. My phone was out of battery, I couldn't move, and I am parked in front of a business that is closed for the night. These voices were telling me over and over again that this was it, I am a gonner. Telling me quite literally, "you are about to die." I struggled furiously to try and keep my eyes open and relax myself. This did not work as it does when I get too panicked on meth or coke and need to relax. I was too relaxed.
Realizing this I try to get out of my car, but its like I could move.....but not really. I could raise my arm, but it seemed like it was taking hours to get it from my hip to above my head. Like time didn't exist and I was just floating in space for all eternity. I eventually gave in, not being able to move and the drugs slowly taking over my consciousness, I closed my eyes seeing the stars rapidly go by once more and then the next time I opened them I was on the floor with 3 firefighters and 2 paramedics scrambling around trying to save me. I came to, seeing one of the mans faces. He looked shocked I was alive. There was an intense ringing in my ears that I could not shake for even a couple days after the fact. I literally couldn't hear shit. I could barely see, everything looked like I was looking through someone elses perscription glasses. I see the fuzziness around where mans lips should be moving slightly, but I can't hear what he is saying and I can't remember taking the Heroin during this time. So basically, I got a needle in my arm, laying on the ground, oxygen mask on, paramedics everywhere, and I don't know how in the fuck I got there or why for that matter.
I thought I was in a car accident or something.
I told the paramedic to yell at me while he was a couple inches away from me to tell me what happened. He said, my throat closed up and somebody saw me in my car. They stated that I was bright blue and not moving. When they got there they gave me a shot of Narcan (correct me if I am wrong) and slowly started to revive me. He started asking me questions, like how often I used heroin etc. I was like the fuck are you talking about, I don't do heroin. He kept asking, as I grew frustrated, not being able to remember my day. I eventually told him in the tiniest voice I could get out, "I don't remember. I've never taken heroin," and proceeded to pass out again. They put me on a bed, loaded me up in the ambulance, and took off to the hospital. I awoke again in the hospital room, where they hooked me up to some more machines, injecting fluid and nutrients into my barely alive body. As soon as I woke up, I turned over and threw up. This continued all night long. I did in fact do heroin and a shit ton of it.
I remember sitting in the bed dreading my families arrival. What are they going to think, what are they going to say, what are they going to do to me, are they judging me, do they hate me, do they love me, etc. rapidly going through my semi at best functioning brain. I was legally dead for 15 minutes. That is some scary shit. Some shit I never want to experience again. The unevitable talks that come after events like these with your loved ones sucked dog dick, but might have been the best thing thats ever happened to me. They are asking me all kinds of shit when I was laying on the bed in the hospital barely conscious. Like, "where are you getting these drugs?" uhh a fucking drug dealer DUH. "Were you trying to kill yourself." NOO!!! For the thousandth time, "you almost died, YOU WERE dead." I FUCKING KNOW! Like seriously, just leave me the fuck alone.
And then after a days rest, I considered how lucky I am to have a family that asks me these questions. They love and care about me, wanting what is best for me and heroin obviously is not one of those "best" things for me. My mom stayed up all night looking up foods to make, drinks, etc. to feel back to normal quicker and made those foods for me. My dad drove me to and from work at 5 a.m. because he was scared I wasn't "all there" in the head enough to drive safely, worried I would crash. Thats pretty cool.
However, I had to work, and couldn't tell my boss I overdosed on heroin for obvious reasons, so I just had to stick it out. That week has finally ended and these two days of rest are going to be essential. They said I could have a possibility of permanent brain damage, since my brain didn't get any oxygen for so long. I am feeling pretty much back in one piece now. They advised me to go back to my personal doctor for an exam to see if I fucked myself up more than I already have, so Il keep you all posted. Any advice on food, exercise, etc. would be helpful, as I realize that this is a discussion thread and not a story telling thread. However, I believe this is a good tool for those who havn't used encouragement to not start and for those that have quit to give themselves a pat on the back everyday they don't any longer. Thanks all, god bless.
Anyway, there I sat after a meth binge and I picked up a shit ton of heroin because I was drunk and xanaxed the fuck out. I was gonna pick up some cokefor tomorrow, but my guy only had the H on him, so I said fuck it, Il give it a shot and bought a 300 sack.....yeah when I give something a shot, I spend 300 dollars on it...anyway I started railing lines of that shit like it was coke. I didn't do any research on how much to do etc. IF YOUR GOING TO TRY A DRUG RESEARCH IT, UNLIKE MY DUMBASS WHO LOOKS IT UP AFTER THE FACT. Took my first line at 5:30 in the morning. I threw up at work, at about 11, but I just kept taking it because I don't know, I thought I'd feel better after one I guess? Better answer to that question is that I am a fucking dumbass.
I got in an argument with my father, which added to the frustration, especially it being a physical demanding job. Imagine a guy thats used to going to work on meth show up on heroin....fuckin sucked. Anyway day finally ended, which felt like forever at the time, but now I can only remember bits and parts of it, almost feeling like it never happened. I started home seeing there was a shit ton of traffic as always, so I pulled over into a parking lot. I started hittin it hard. It was weird it was like I was taking it because I was mad at myself for buying it? If that makes any sense. I just wanted it gone, I hated this shit, I want coke. First thing that crosses a normal persons mind is, "Just dump it out." yeahhhh your not an addict. Il be damned if I waste good drugs!
I had half the sack with me and half of it at my house. After railing the final line that I had, I licked up the rest on the mirror. I remember closing my eyes and it looked exactly like when star wars ships go into warp speed. Just stars flying by me. It was pretty dope actually. I could not feel a god damn thing, physcially or emotionally. I was literally sitting in my car punching my self and pricking myself trying to get some kind of feeling. I just wanted to sit there........it was scaring me. Then I saw that I was breathing EXTREMELY slowly and that I could not even swallow my own spit. These demonesque voices came quickly after. I couldn't hear them outside of my ears, but I could hear them in my head. It was like something was inside me, talking to me. My phone was out of battery, I couldn't move, and I am parked in front of a business that is closed for the night. These voices were telling me over and over again that this was it, I am a gonner. Telling me quite literally, "you are about to die." I struggled furiously to try and keep my eyes open and relax myself. This did not work as it does when I get too panicked on meth or coke and need to relax. I was too relaxed.
Realizing this I try to get out of my car, but its like I could move.....but not really. I could raise my arm, but it seemed like it was taking hours to get it from my hip to above my head. Like time didn't exist and I was just floating in space for all eternity. I eventually gave in, not being able to move and the drugs slowly taking over my consciousness, I closed my eyes seeing the stars rapidly go by once more and then the next time I opened them I was on the floor with 3 firefighters and 2 paramedics scrambling around trying to save me. I came to, seeing one of the mans faces. He looked shocked I was alive. There was an intense ringing in my ears that I could not shake for even a couple days after the fact. I literally couldn't hear shit. I could barely see, everything looked like I was looking through someone elses perscription glasses. I see the fuzziness around where mans lips should be moving slightly, but I can't hear what he is saying and I can't remember taking the Heroin during this time. So basically, I got a needle in my arm, laying on the ground, oxygen mask on, paramedics everywhere, and I don't know how in the fuck I got there or why for that matter.
I thought I was in a car accident or something.
I told the paramedic to yell at me while he was a couple inches away from me to tell me what happened. He said, my throat closed up and somebody saw me in my car. They stated that I was bright blue and not moving. When they got there they gave me a shot of Narcan (correct me if I am wrong) and slowly started to revive me. He started asking me questions, like how often I used heroin etc. I was like the fuck are you talking about, I don't do heroin. He kept asking, as I grew frustrated, not being able to remember my day. I eventually told him in the tiniest voice I could get out, "I don't remember. I've never taken heroin," and proceeded to pass out again. They put me on a bed, loaded me up in the ambulance, and took off to the hospital. I awoke again in the hospital room, where they hooked me up to some more machines, injecting fluid and nutrients into my barely alive body. As soon as I woke up, I turned over and threw up. This continued all night long. I did in fact do heroin and a shit ton of it.
I remember sitting in the bed dreading my families arrival. What are they going to think, what are they going to say, what are they going to do to me, are they judging me, do they hate me, do they love me, etc. rapidly going through my semi at best functioning brain. I was legally dead for 15 minutes. That is some scary shit. Some shit I never want to experience again. The unevitable talks that come after events like these with your loved ones sucked dog dick, but might have been the best thing thats ever happened to me. They are asking me all kinds of shit when I was laying on the bed in the hospital barely conscious. Like, "where are you getting these drugs?" uhh a fucking drug dealer DUH. "Were you trying to kill yourself." NOO!!! For the thousandth time, "you almost died, YOU WERE dead." I FUCKING KNOW! Like seriously, just leave me the fuck alone.
And then after a days rest, I considered how lucky I am to have a family that asks me these questions. They love and care about me, wanting what is best for me and heroin obviously is not one of those "best" things for me. My mom stayed up all night looking up foods to make, drinks, etc. to feel back to normal quicker and made those foods for me. My dad drove me to and from work at 5 a.m. because he was scared I wasn't "all there" in the head enough to drive safely, worried I would crash. Thats pretty cool.
However, I had to work, and couldn't tell my boss I overdosed on heroin for obvious reasons, so I just had to stick it out. That week has finally ended and these two days of rest are going to be essential. They said I could have a possibility of permanent brain damage, since my brain didn't get any oxygen for so long. I am feeling pretty much back in one piece now. They advised me to go back to my personal doctor for an exam to see if I fucked myself up more than I already have, so Il keep you all posted. Any advice on food, exercise, etc. would be helpful, as I realize that this is a discussion thread and not a story telling thread. However, I believe this is a good tool for those who havn't used encouragement to not start and for those that have quit to give themselves a pat on the back everyday they don't any longer. Thanks all, god bless.
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