overdose

[carter_19]

Temptation, eating at you, feeding on you,
leaning on you, pushing for you to smoke one more,
drink another shot, snort another line
of sanity into your brain and send it,
screaming, reeling, out of control,
down into a hellish fire of
desire, want, and need,
dependent on chemical satisfaction
to calm you nerves, ease your mind,
shorten you time in this roller coaster,
up and down, round and round again,
if you make it that long, world of shit and pain,
and blind your eyes with clouds of smoke
hiding from you the reality,
complicity, insanity, humanity,
of the real world, leaving you in a place
where everything is hip, cool,
there is no school, work, wars, problems,
until all fades away from both.
Overdose.

 

[katmeow]

hiding from you the reality,
complicity, insanity, humanity,
of the real world, leaving you in a place
where everything is hip, cool,
there is no school, work, wars, problems,
until all fades away from both.
Overdose.

I like the way you've written this piece, especially the part above.

Nice

 

[carter_19]

Thank you, I was hoping to get some people to reply, in a bit of constuctive critisism( i think I spelled it right) I don't read much poetry, so I never really looked to see how most poets write, so I just write it how I think it. Thanks. Any other thoughts, critical or other wise are most wanted. Thanks.

 

[*SWeeT-e*]

I really liked this, it has a good rhythm that keeps it moving and flows really well. That and I can relate to its theme just a *little* bit...I've been there, I've felt that, and I like the way you translated it into words. Very well done.

~*~kimmy~*~

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

this whole piece is really moving.
i'd like to make certain quotes to certains parts, but i'd end up quoting the whole entire thing.
very very nice.

 

[Nik137]

I like the rhythm you used in this piece a lot; it flows extraordinarily.

and i love the use of the word "dependency"... good choice.
its less commonly used than addiction, so its nice that that difference is apparent.

good work