Overdose/permanent damage?

[justme541]

Could you please put this in "Dark side"?

About 15 years ago I experimented with crank.
It started by smoking it with a new friend who was a long time user.
We were doing it around the clock for many days of which I lost count.
We mostly just sat in her bedroom talking while people came and left.
One night we were sitting there with about 4 other people and I was really tweaked out into space mostly when I realized something was wrong with the people around me.
They began to talk concerned about how they felt weird and then everyone in the room with me went through a short phase where they vomited briefly, passed out for about 30 minutes and then came to pretty much ok.
Lots of people started showing up saying something was bad with this stuff and it was making people sick.
They went back to smoking again as soon as their episode passed.
I didn't get their symptoms but something far worse.
At first it was like a wave I was riding up and down, minute to minute. Up/down/up/down
I started feeling like I was having a massive anxiety attack (my first one ever) and then I ended up crawling under some blankets unable to move for like 3 days. I would wake up and literally crawl to the bathroom. I thought I was dying for sure and even begged to be dragged out to the street for an ambulance to come. My heart was racing wildly the whole time and my head was in a fog state. Like almost being paralyzed and brain partly shut off.
After a few days of this I was barely able to crawl home. For the next 6 months I had severe anxiety attacks daily and was in some sort of fog like state.
The anxiety attacks lessened but 15 years later I still have anxiety attacks occasionally, battle severe depression and have a dissociative disorder.
The one thing I remember was they said the "stuff" was brown instead of white.
I never touched any of it again and what I realized was that even though everyone else was doing it- it didn't mean it was safe.
I wish I could try other things like weed but I fear something like that happening again or worsening whatever happened already.
Does anyone know/have any suggestions as to what happened to me and why?

Thank you for reading.

 

[Rogue Robot]

Anonymous -> TDS

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi justme, there unfortunately isn't really any way we can say what happened to you that night. But one thing is for sure: with your psychological disorders you should definitely NOT even think about trying any more drugs. It's just too risky.

Are you currently getting treatment for your anxiety/depression/DD??

 

[justme541]

thread response

Response to thread:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=502969

Thank you for responding.
Yes, I have sought treatment for years but not currently on any medication.
It seems to be primarily a psychological and environmental thing rather than a psychiatric/physical issue though I'm sure some good anti-depressant's from time to time would help. That's what they say anyway, it isn't physical. My last T was very very good, been doing his job his 1979 and said my biggest problem is that I think something is wrong with me, but I'm fine. :/
Haven't had much luck finding anything that I don't react negatively too with aweful side effects so mostly try to ride it out when depression hits hard.
I have klonopin for when anxiety starts kicking my butt and that is honestly the best medication for me.
Kinda interesting reading about recreational klonopin users because when I take it, it just makes me "normal", I get nothing recreational off of it. It isn't from a tolerance either as I only take it on average of once a week. Individual's can be so unique in that way.
The only drugs I would really consider is weed although lsd sounds sooo inviting.

I guess what I have always wondered is what would have been put into the meth to cause such a reaction and why it affected me so differently.
My father who was a life long heroin user thought maybe it was something like that.
He has been clean for about 5 years now so I avoid drug talk with him so I don't trigger him and just mentioned it briefly once.

Thank you again for your response.

 

[n3ophy7e]

It sounds like you're maintaining the depression and anxiety pretty well at the moment, that's good

Like I said before, steer clear of any recreational substances, even weed!! I'm sure you've read stories on here of people having anxiety and panic attacks whilst high. Sure, it might not happen to you, you might be just fine. But is it worth the risk? Particularly if you've worked so hard to get to the relatively stable state you're in now.

Regarding the meth, you know what? It might not have had to have been cut with anything, it may have just been the meth that caused the reaction in you. Like you said, we are all unique and drugs can have completely different reactions from one person to the next.

It's awesome to hear that your dad is clean now, I bet you're really proud of him for that

 

[mainstreet50]

Have you ever had periods of anxiety/depression or dd in the past, or have any reated symptoms with relatives?
Possibly with your constant usage, you set off some underlying diagnosis' which never popped up or were present in the past.
I'm happy to hear your doing well and controlling everything on a good level. It sounds like you got a good head on your shoulder.%)
Maybe somebody else could offer a bit more of knowledge.
Hope the best for you.

 

[versd]

ongoing counseling and therapy is essential for anxiety disorders. dont abuse your medication if its potentially habit forming. a good idea is to try other medication which is not abuseable and sustainable - perhaps antidepressants or tricyclics etc.

 

[justme541]

same thread

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=502969

"I'm sure you've read stories on here of people having anxiety and panic attacks whilst high. Sure, it might not happen to you, you might be just fine. But is it worth the risk?
Particularly if you've worked so hard to get to the relatively stable state you're in now."

I hear you. Rationally, I suppose I need to look deeper and question why I would even consider using anything given I'm not an addict and so much to lose.
What am I missing in my life that I am looking to find there? What am I looking to fix if it isn't broken?
Maybe time to reevaluate where I am.





"Regarding the meth, you know what? It might not have had to have been cut with anything, it may have just been the meth that caused the reaction in you. Like you said, we are all unique and drugs can have completely different reactions from one person to the next."

Good point.


"It's awesome to hear that your dad is clean now, I bet you're really proud of him for that"

It's pretty amazing. I think he is really done with it all.



"Have you ever had periods of anxiety/depression or dd in the past, or have any reated symptoms with relatives?
Possibly with your constant usage, you set off some underlying diagnosis' which never popped up or were present in the past.
I'm happy to hear your doing well and controlling everything on a good level. It sounds like you got a good head on your shoulder.
Maybe somebody else could offer a bit more of knowledge.
Hope the best for you."

I was relatively young at the time, under 20, but had a history of severe abuse which can cause all sorts of psych crappola. (NOT abused from my father.)

"ongoing counseling and therapy is essential for anxiety disorders. dont abuse your medication if its potentially habit forming. a good idea is to try other medication which is not abuseable and sustainable - perhaps antidepressants or tricyclics etc."

I have never abused my prescriptions. I actually take far less than what I am prescribed and that in itself leads to issues, lol. I have had major fails with anti-deps but I am open to anything newer that comes out on the market.

Thank you all and I wish you the best, whichever paths you take in life.
I will be the girl that fantasizes about getting high but never actually does it, I suppose. Sometimes it's best left to fantasy anyway.

Be safe.
(Great forum btw- Thank you.)