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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

Opioids Overdose memory

D

Deryn

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 11, 2025
Messages
17
I have a really weird memory from the single time I used heroin. For context, I was 17 and severely underweight/anorexic at the time. Literally in starvation mode. It was decades ago so I guess it was pure then?? It was smoked and I'd literally had as much as I could.

I have this weird memory of trying to pull myself out of this sticky black tar feeling. Like it was pulling at me, sucking me back down. It was so hard to pull up from.

Then I have this recollection of trying to pull up again but with this awful sinister feeling. Like it had pulled me down once and if it pulled me again it would keep me. It was so so horrible.

I eventually pulled up into a very very disassociated euphoria with a lot of zoning in and out.

Overdose memory??
 
Deryn said:
Shit. Thanks. Literally came back to me following a dose of fentanyl in hospital.

It's from decades ago. Mental. Now climbing the walls with cravings I don't even understand.
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The thing is most people think 'overdose' is necessarily a near-death event.

Like you have to be resuscitated or narcan'd in the back of an ambulance.

No. An overdose is simply taking too much. Doesn't have to be life-threatening.

You overdosed.
 
Interesting. Thank you.

I feel a bit confused though. Do you think I could have died? I think it was the sound of shouting nearby that prompted me to start pulling up out of the black.

This whole memory is new to me. The whole euphoria, literally everything is new in my head but happened decades ago. It's so fucked up.
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
PS your brain got sensitised to the effects of opiates, and now has a switch that says 'give me opiates'. You do best to ignore that impulse.
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Thanks. It helps explains my fifteen year codeine addiction... It explains a lot. No idea how the hell my brain just forgot this though.

Since the fentanyl in hospital I'm literally climbing the walls. I was never an active heroin user though. Had no idea I'd even ever had it. It's mental.
 
Deryn said:
Interesting. Thank you.

I feel a bit confused though. Do you think I could have died? I think it was the sound of shouting nearby that prompted me to start pulling up out of the black.

This whole memory is new to me. The whole euphoria, literally everything is new in my head but happened decades ago. It's so fucked up.
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If voices could 'pull you back', you still had some responsiveness. You therefore likely would NOT have died.

Your situation was more like when a drinker blacks out, but does not have fatal alcohol poisoning.
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
If voices could 'pull you back', you still had some responsiveness. You therefore likely would NOT have died.

Your situation was more like when a drinker blacks out, but does not have fatal alcohol poisoning.
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This makes so much sense. Thank you!
 
Heck. I had a pretty wild ride.

Went from casual user to full addict back to casual. Currently not using at all because my life partner does not like it.

Racked up 18 overdoses at the height of my addiction which is why I think I can speak with some authority as to what is and isn't an overdose. There you go. 🤷
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
Heck. I had a pretty wild ride.

Went from casual user to full addict back to casual. Currently not using at all because my life partner does not like it.

Racked up 18 overdoses at the height of my addiction which is why I think I can speak with some authority as to what is and isn't an overdose. There you go. 🤷
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Yeah, that does sound like a ride. Can you go from full addict back to casual?

I gave up alcohol a few years ago but no way I could drink casually. Wish I could though..
 
Deryn said:
Yeah, that does sound like a ride. Can you go from full addict back to casual?

I gave up alcohol a few years ago but no way I could drink casually. Wish I could though..
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Well, I DID it so it's possible. 🤷 I just... I guess stopped thinking of it as this thing that I absolutely HAD to have to live or to be happy. Difficult to describe. But it was a thought process.

And yep I was definitely addicted. Full physical dependence, never mind the mental obsession.
I had a 1 gram + per day habit and would've crawled over broken glass for my next fix. Did a few things I'm not proud of to ensure my supply.
I lived that life for several years. Then one day I was just DONE with it.



PS As for alcohol, statistically over half of those who ever met the criteria for alcoholism but no longer do, return to social / moderate drinking (instead of going completely abstinent). Though if you do not think that you ever could drink casually, you absolutely won't. In which case it's better to stay away.
 
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Um I wonder.. if you really had a real od exp would you remember it and from every odd I have noticed, lived through or kept ppl from dying. None of them could remember jack.

So I wonder if they see the near death exp, like I have in an car accident, wake boarding jump went wrong ( 2 days coma ) and being shot and flat lining 3 times. Anyhow all that aside and those were not od exp.

So hard to tell..
 
Coffeeshroom said:
Um I wonder.. if you really had a real od exp would you remember it and from every odd I have noticed, lived through or kept ppl from dying. None of them could remember jack.

So I wonder if they see the near death exp, like I have in an car accident, wake boarding jump went wrong ( 2 days coma ) and being shot and flat lining 3 times. Anyhow all that aside and those were not od exp.

So hard to tell..
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Depends on how serious it is, ie how hard and fast you go out.

I've done the classic 'pass out cold with needle still stuck in arm' thing. Zero memory.
I've also managed to use narcan on myself twice where I knew as soon as I had the shot that it was too much; it just wasn't SO much I lost consciousness instantly and had like half a minute of increasingly hazy awareness to get the stuff into myself. That I do remember.

Then there's those times you think you're not 'feeling it' and keep re-dosing and then suffer the cumulative effects in your sleep. All I remember of those instances is going to bed feeling very sleepy and some mates telling me the next day they got worried because my breathing was very slow, they tried to rouse me and first were unable to, then I was awake for a few moments speaking garbled nonsense, then passed out again.

Overdose doesn't always mean you passing out instantly or needing medical attention to not result in fatality.
 
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