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Over Again

zero9zero

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2000
Messages
2,200
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nati
Another late night and
Maybe if only I can escape
Sleep for a little longer
These thoughts of confusion
That swirl inside of me
Will go away
Can't stop what I know
Is right in the end
And this feeling that my
Life is starting all
Over again
Don't know how to play it
Or exactly how I should act
Without setting myself up
One more time to take
The fall that I still
Haven't gotten up from
And all that I know
Is how much you already
Mean to me, so
Don't say a word and let me
Find the answer in your eyes
Can't stop what I feel
Is right in the end and
Without you, my life
Can't start
Over again
Dave
 
Dear Dave,
Thank you SO much for writing that. I can feel your hesitation towards embracing something/someone that can potentially bring you lots of happiness and laughter, but experiencing pain and downfall from previously similar things...can only act as doubtful boulders. Do you embrace life and deal with the pain, feeling great cuz atleast you felt or do you live in peace and tranquility knowing you avoided pain all along. I usually chose the former. Until I learn the same lesson one too many times.
This poem comes to me on a Monday following a really obnoxious weekend that I aboslutely could not condone, justify or happily be a part of.
I've watched relationships mess up the priorities in some very special people in my life. This time, the relationship was between someone I love and drugs. You bite your tongue, whine, bitch, throw a hissy-fit, rationalize, argue, calm down, discuss, hear, listen, wonder if you're the one who is fucked up after all and then keep on trying...and nothing works and nothing changes. You want to trust this person you love and hope they are right in the end and that it was me who was wrong all along. But reality shows other signs.
And what suxs the most, is that you still love them. That you can't rule them out. That you know that the longer you stay, the more you too will come down in life and you see it all happen infront of your eyes..
And you still love them. And you still embrace them. And you still clean up the mess after a fall that you weren't even a part of this time.
"Without setting myself up
One more time to take
The fall that I still
Haven't gotten up from"
-Dave
Loads of luvs,
-Amina
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"Like a bird on a wire, Like a drunk in a midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free" - Leonard Cohen
 
Wow! Thanks for the kind words yo! I post so much stuff on here, and I NEVER get any feedback. I honestly didn't think my poem was that good, just a cheesy piece about a girl, but now that I read your follow up, I realize there were a lot of other things in there that I was directing this towards. In answer to your question, neither. haha. I pretty much live my life by the motto "to forgive and forget, live and regret." I've had so much ill shit happen to me (some my fault, some not) and a few bad relationships in my lifetime, that I've almost given up even the thought of trying to make something of myself or the people i call my friends. The girl I wrote this poem about takes all of that away. However the issue I'm facing right now is that I have absolutely no clue whether I should tell her or not that I'm basically in love with her. As for right now, in her eyes, we're friends. But she has pointed out on several occasions that we seem to connect on some weird level that neither of us have ever connected on with anyone before. The other thing I realized that I was trying to get out was a problem I'm having with my best friend. We've been best friends and bandmates for 7 years now, and it seems as the years have gone by, he gets progressively worse and worse. It may be wrong of me to think this way, but I virtually saved this kid's life from drug abuse, and I still get treated like shit. Whenever he has a girlfriend, the music we play and our friendship always comes second. We've gotten to the point now where we've (well, not to sound conceited, but I have) written some very very good songs, and we've been planning to go to Dayton for a couple of weeks to show our material to my buddy Jay (who's going to play drums for us). And now Jeff is nowhere to be found. He won't return my phone calls. I know he's out with his girlfriend, and I think I made it quite clear in the message I left for him today that it's going to look really bad on him, and really bad on me if he doesn't show up tommorw. And to make matters worse, the girl this poem is for is going to come by and check us out. How good does that look when you're other guitarist doesn't even show up?! I've gotten to the point now in my life where I'm no longer giving people second chances, and Jeff's had more than his share. I've decided if he doesn't show tommorw, we're done. We're done as friends, we're done as musical partners, we're just done. He's no showed and not called so many times, that he's not just unreliable, it almost makes me wonder if he even gives a shit anymore. I've taken this approach to a lot of people and things in my life, and it's actually really depressing, but people have basically shit on me for too many years now for me to just sit back and take it anymore.
I just realized I'm rambling BIG TIME, so I'll shut up now, I suppose. :-) Thanks again for the kind words!
Dave
 
Tell her you love her Dave. Nothing ventured is nothing gained. haha.
 
Noodle...I'm WITH YOU on this one. I don't believe in cheat-notes set by pop. societies when it comes to the dating-game. GO with your heart...speak with your mind....act with your soul and have fun.
Your love will be reciprocated..someday.
smile.gif

Luvs,
-Amina
------------------
"Like a bird on a wire, Like a drunk in a midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free" - Leonard Cohen
 
i agree with noodle, you should defintiely tell her.
sorry to hear about your friend. i know exactly how you feel. i had a friend that was completely draining me once too.
eventually i gave up. i just couldn't take it anymore esp. because at the time, i couldn't tolerate drugs at all.
once i stopped being around, he used drugs all the time, dropped out of school and went absolutely mental.
last january, he called me. we hadn't spoken in forever and he told me everything that happened to him and i felt so bad because i wasn't there for him, but he told me it wasn't until after all the crap he went through that he realized that i wasn't trying to make him do what i wanted him to or anything. it took him a long time to realize it, but i think that sometimes you jsut ahve to let people figure things out for themselves...
i hate being that passive, but every now and then you have to be.
anyway, now that i've shared my after-school special, i'll jet.
later
------------------
"Rage, rage against the dying of the light." -Dylan Thomas
 
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