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Our sex life has died and I don't know what to do

M

msj8707

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
3
Location
Las Vegas, NV
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 14 months and we moved in together in July, 2014. When we first started dating we had a VERY healthy sex life. It was adventurous and amazing and always left me satisfied. But since we moved in together it has been decreasing more and more. I've repeatedly told him that I need more, we have amazing communication, and he knows it has been lacking. He tells me that he hasn't felt attractive and that's why he doesn't want to do anything. I became really hurt when I found out he was masturbating more than we were having sex. I expressed this to him, I know that it's different, but I really feel like if your partner is available and willing, you should be having sex more than masturbating. He stopped for a while and then started again, but has never made any moves to spark up our sex life. I have tried being sexy and fun and romantic and spontaneous, I try initiating it but honestly I can't bring myself to try anymore, the rejection is just too much. Last night I took a shower, did my hair, and hung out in nothing except my panties (sorry if that's TMI), and all he did was go to sleep.

He really has been an amazing partner, we have awesome communication, we have fun together, we can hang out and just be us and it's great. This is the only thing that is lacking and unfortunately it is a big thing.

I'm turning to posting this because I have talked to him about it countless times and I don't know what else to do. It's like he knows this is an issue, he knows it is important, but nothing ever changes. I am left feeling very lonely and rejected.

It also doesn't help that we have 2 different sleep disorders, he has sleep apnea which makes him tired in the afternoon and at night, and I have narcolepsy which makes me tired in the morning and during the day. The sex we do have is always in the morning when he has energy, and they're always quickies. But at night, when I have energy and want to have fun, he says he is too tired.

Sorry, this feels random and scattered, but I have been holding it in and it just came pouring out. Any help or support or advice would be wonderful.
 
LOL I keep trying that, I have left things up on my laptop, iPad, and phone, unfortunately he has all those things too so he never uses mine!
 
i wonder if he's depressed...

in the last couple months of my relationship with my ex, i really started to feel like i wasn't attractive to her (even though i'm in good shape), and would even at times just try to make up excuses not to hang out / have sex

i couldn't bring myself to tell her that i was getting more and more depressed, eventually we both decided it would be better if we split up and did our own thing. i felt like i was being too much of a burden for her, and she said that it was sometimes becoming difficult to talk to me

best of luck
 
Sleep apnea is probably easier to combat than your narcolepsy - he could take a power nap around tea time, not enough to keep him up all night (haha if only 8() but should be enough for him to be able to stay awake a bit longer. That or a coffee later in the day?

Sleep apnea can be linked to being overweight, you say that he is not feeling attractive lately so has he maybe gained a bit of weight (which is increasing the apnea, which is making him more tired etc).

If the weight is an issue they why not start a joint exercise routine, walking, jogging, swimming, gym or yoga(starter yoga is so easy and fun and can be done at home)? If he is feeling shitty about himself then complaining about sex can do more harm than good and make matters worse.

If this is really getting too much to bear for you then you need to discuss it with him openly and honestly - tell him exactly how you feel, give him the opportunity in explaining why he is feeling unattractive (is he using drugs, money or family issues etc) and you both take it from there.
 
I always hate when women who want to have sex don't make the first move. Did you kiss him on the neck, foreplay? Hell, i would if my wife would wake me up with a blow job! Be aggressive, not passive
 
My lady and I are currently in a weird rut as well where we both just seem too tired and disconnected for it. I try to initiate, and she's too tired. She tries to initiate, and I'm just not into it. We both have to do some maintenance on our schedules and personal health, otherwise we're going to be stuck like this. She needs to lose weight, and get a better job, we both need to be more active and healthy, I need to be less anxious and unfocused, etc.. All these things can really screw up your sex life. Perhaps look outside the usual factors like tiredness and sexual attraction, maybe it's the simple factors of your life that are getting in the way. Sitting there in your panties won't work with your boyfriend, he's already seen you naked 1000x, it's not the same giggty-inducing thing it used to be. If anything, cover up, make him want it more.
 
yeah if he has been masturbating to porn, do whatever u can to get him away from it...easier said than done but the internet porn thing can absolutely suck all the life out of straight up sex with a normal looking partner...
 
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