Our Secrets Keep Us Sick (Triggering Content)

"nobody"but my wife knows I smoke weed.
only I know that I have started taking valium again too.
 
keeping secrets gets too complicated i "used to" lie to doctors but now i just keep certain things out when we talk so i can keep getting my meds
 
Because it spares you emotional pain.

For years, I was, some how, able to deny reality and lie to myself - "Everythings fine. There's nothing wrong with what you're seeing - carry on as usual." This allowed me to appreciate the comforts of everyday routine, the security of the familiar, and the tranquility of repetition. I was able to enjoy that as much as any other person. But as time went one and I got older, the enunciation of the truth became less and less ignorable, until I could deny it no longer.

One day while I was getting a common punching session from my dad, a realization hit me like a ton of bricks - "There is something terribly wrong with my life....isn't there?"

I had been denying that all my life to spare myself emotional pain. I knew that deep down in my subconscious - but I kept it a secret, even from myself, because I, somehow, knew at the time, that I couldn't handle the situation I was in.
 
My friends and family think I'm happily doing my own thing with new friends and work and stuff.

I'm actually at a new rock-bottom for self-esteem and bad thoughts and spend most of my time alone in my room...
 
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