Out at the grill today, i reached underneath to disconnect the propane tank and BAM! A searing pain rips through the top of my right pointer finger and hand. I draw back with fury and a yellow and black wasp bounces down around my body and to the ground. All I can think of is burning flesh, touching something much too hot and it taking a second to really sink in.
But it definitely did.
In all my cursing and jumping and finger-squeezing, I was able to think for a second. I couldn't think at all at first. My first thought was that I just knicked it on the turn valve. Then the venom spread and I began, "FUUUUUCKKK. Bitch, bitch. God fucking DAMNIT!!"
I ran through the house, eventually over to the medicine cabinet. I just wanted someone to take care of this for me. I'd go to reach for something but the pain would return full fledged and I'd bend over in agony. This type of pain is WAY bigger than anything I've felt. It still throbs right now ~two hours later. My index finger's swollen up to about an inch in diameter too.
I finally got some burn ointment on it and rubbed an aspirin over it to stop the pain. There was no stinger b/c I had gloves on. Then the pain lessened and I could focus again. Lesson learned; look before you touch.
Today is also day four or five (five i'm pretty sure) of my taper schedule. Last night I only took 5mg and I slept like a monster. I do get tired of waking up every morning without pain pills. My legs hurt so badly. Why does it suck so bad not to do opiates? It's strange how I can so easily forget why I get hooked on them so bad when the reasons are staring me right in the face.
They say: "Hey, fucker, your feet and legs hurt like hell. Take some oxy. Hey, douchebag, you owe money to a few places. Take some oxy, you'll forget all about it and watch Sopranos episodes and play xbox and not have to eat. Oh, hey, piece-of-shit, what's wrong? Are you tired? Does your ass itch? Do you have some allergies? Are you completely disappointed with sober, straight life? Take some oxy and it'll all go away."
:D
But I'm feeling really proud about quitting still. I know I'm not totally off yet (still got 2.5mg for tonight) but at least I've got a plan that's almost fully implemented. I am taking xanax and smoking weed and I had a beer last night. But I don't use those things like i do PK's. I don't drink during the work day. I don't smoke weed (that much) throughout the day. I definitely don't take xanax to work. I'd fall the fuck asleep.
I really just want to build my social life. I have definitely been "that guy" who skips going out with his friends b/c of "work early the next morning" when I was just going home early to nod out and be a fuckin loser. I do have a friend that's helping me a lot with the opiate-kick. He's been holding on to my percocet for me, gradually giving me lower doses each night, later and later each night too so I'm reallllly stretching it out the right way.
He was in prison and only one other person than me wrote him letters while he was away. He's basically my best friend b/c of how everyone else has "moved on" in some way or another. I don't blame them for leaving and I really don't have the energy to stay connected with so many people from my past. I grew up with a best friend who lived 4 hours away. I spent summers with him and his folks to get away from where I live now. So, basically, I made pretty damn sure I wasn't going to have a ton of local connections. And I didn't.
Yet, I am not an island. I do have a little family around, most of whom I cannot stand. I spend a lot of time with my brother (well I did before I got back on the pills). We mainly have a few beers and talk shit about our Dad.
What else? Uhhhh...there's a lot more. I thought of a funny idea to start my next short story. It'll be a conversation between an interracial friendship about what it's like to be white. Probably won't have anything to do with the actual piece as a whole.
I used to write a lot. I put a story in WORDS once but it didn't get a lot of attention, not that I expected it to. I sold some of a story once to the theatre director at my college. That was a nice $250. He said he'd use it to develop dialog in another unrelated, dramatic script. Whatever, it was still fuckin awesome to get paid for something I enjoy, at least more than the job I have now.
But it definitely did.
In all my cursing and jumping and finger-squeezing, I was able to think for a second. I couldn't think at all at first. My first thought was that I just knicked it on the turn valve. Then the venom spread and I began, "FUUUUUCKKK. Bitch, bitch. God fucking DAMNIT!!"
I ran through the house, eventually over to the medicine cabinet. I just wanted someone to take care of this for me. I'd go to reach for something but the pain would return full fledged and I'd bend over in agony. This type of pain is WAY bigger than anything I've felt. It still throbs right now ~two hours later. My index finger's swollen up to about an inch in diameter too.
I finally got some burn ointment on it and rubbed an aspirin over it to stop the pain. There was no stinger b/c I had gloves on. Then the pain lessened and I could focus again. Lesson learned; look before you touch.
Today is also day four or five (five i'm pretty sure) of my taper schedule. Last night I only took 5mg and I slept like a monster. I do get tired of waking up every morning without pain pills. My legs hurt so badly. Why does it suck so bad not to do opiates? It's strange how I can so easily forget why I get hooked on them so bad when the reasons are staring me right in the face.
They say: "Hey, fucker, your feet and legs hurt like hell. Take some oxy. Hey, douchebag, you owe money to a few places. Take some oxy, you'll forget all about it and watch Sopranos episodes and play xbox and not have to eat. Oh, hey, piece-of-shit, what's wrong? Are you tired? Does your ass itch? Do you have some allergies? Are you completely disappointed with sober, straight life? Take some oxy and it'll all go away."
:D
But I'm feeling really proud about quitting still. I know I'm not totally off yet (still got 2.5mg for tonight) but at least I've got a plan that's almost fully implemented. I am taking xanax and smoking weed and I had a beer last night. But I don't use those things like i do PK's. I don't drink during the work day. I don't smoke weed (that much) throughout the day. I definitely don't take xanax to work. I'd fall the fuck asleep.
I really just want to build my social life. I have definitely been "that guy" who skips going out with his friends b/c of "work early the next morning" when I was just going home early to nod out and be a fuckin loser. I do have a friend that's helping me a lot with the opiate-kick. He's been holding on to my percocet for me, gradually giving me lower doses each night, later and later each night too so I'm reallllly stretching it out the right way.
He was in prison and only one other person than me wrote him letters while he was away. He's basically my best friend b/c of how everyone else has "moved on" in some way or another. I don't blame them for leaving and I really don't have the energy to stay connected with so many people from my past. I grew up with a best friend who lived 4 hours away. I spent summers with him and his folks to get away from where I live now. So, basically, I made pretty damn sure I wasn't going to have a ton of local connections. And I didn't.
Yet, I am not an island. I do have a little family around, most of whom I cannot stand. I spend a lot of time with my brother (well I did before I got back on the pills). We mainly have a few beers and talk shit about our Dad.
What else? Uhhhh...there's a lot more. I thought of a funny idea to start my next short story. It'll be a conversation between an interracial friendship about what it's like to be white. Probably won't have anything to do with the actual piece as a whole.
I used to write a lot. I put a story in WORDS once but it didn't get a lot of attention, not that I expected it to. I sold some of a story once to the theatre director at my college. That was a nice $250. He said he'd use it to develop dialog in another unrelated, dramatic script. Whatever, it was still fuckin awesome to get paid for something I enjoy, at least more than the job I have now.