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orgasm problems

mrs_mia_wallace

mrs_mia_wallace

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 9, 2009
Messages
2,396
Location
London
I am madly in love with my boyfriend and I LOVE having sex with him, but it has been three months and I have been yet to have an orgasm.

I've been a meth addict for most of the last six years of my life, and so when I was using achieving orgasm usually wasn't that hard. I've never been able to cum from intercourse but usually from having someone go down on me or finger me. But I am clean (about five months from meth) and he's the only person I've slept with sober pretty much since I started using.

I have tried everything I know of to be able to have an orgasm, and I'm about to give up. I don't know if when you come off meth its harder to have one? I'm also on antidepresents and so that may have a factor, and I know that for some reason caffeine makes it more difficult. (i will also add that I have a harder time bringing myself to orgasm on my own).

So... I really need tips, advice, and please nothing pervy. :)
 
what anti-depressants?

when i was on SSRI's i found it completely impossible to have an orgasm if i wasn't doing it myself. i know several other people who had the same issue. that could very well be the culprit right there!
 
Yep, most anti depressants are known for this. I don't know which med your on, but I've read where people have been put on Wellbutrin and it did not affect sex.

Ask your dr about the ad your on and see if he/she will switch you to another one to try.

Hey, it's no fun to put in the time and effort and come away without cumming away!
 
try rubbing your clit while you are getting fucked by him. That should work. Or have him do you doggy style and give you the reach around. Don't be afraid to TELL him what to do. Every girl is different, and each one requires different speed, pressure, and action in order to achieve orgasm.

For instance I find that MOST of the women I have slept with enjoy a light, fast, flicking of the tongue on the clit with 2 fingers curved up inside them putting pressure on the g-spot. The girl I have been hooking up with this week likes it SLOW and super light until she gets really worked up. Then she wants me to just suck on it for her. Works every time.

So, TELL HIM what you want. I am confident you can overcome this. Anti-depressants or not... Although they do REALLY make it a lot more difficult. Perhaps you should talk to your doctor and let him/her know what is happening. If I couldn't have an orgasm I would be WAY more depressed....
 
Yeah I would suspect that the antidepressant has something to do with it. Just out of curiosity is the AD helping you? I've always thought it was ridiculous that doctors labeled SRI's as antidepressants when the causes of depression are likely much more complex than "low serotonin levels". I could see it possibly being of use to someone who was once a meth user though.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that antidepressants are useless, I know that in some people they can be very helpful.

Congrats on being 5 months clean from meth. That's awesome :)
 
I'm on Lexapro and Wellbuterin.

I feel weird talking to my doctor because he's like an old man... haha. But if anyone can give me more tips it would be appreciated... I don't think he'll take me off of it, but I want to overcome it... :( is that possible?

I'm kind of shy when it comes to someone going down on me... I just don't know how to ask them to do it differently... so any tips on things I can ask him to do would be appreciated :)
 
antidepressants can affect ability to orgasm drastically. if this is becoming a big issue for you, then you should ask your doctor to see if you can switch to different medication, perhaps you will be able to find one which allows you to orgasm.

communication is key to being comfortable with someone, in all aspects, including sexual. you need to work on your communication with your partner so you can guide them to do what most greatly pleasures you.
 
My husband wanted me to respond.

mrs_mia_wallace said:
I'm on Lexapro and Wellbuterin.
Click to expand...

There is your problem. The Wellbuterin, I took it before and it KILLED my ability to orgasm. And as far as the shyness about the going down (oral sex thing) .... I understand. We are all different and none of us looks exactly the same down there. If your boyfriend/lover loves you, it won't be a big deal. I'm 43 and it took until I was like in my 3rd marriage (all of 2 years now) to feel secure enough to accept that. I suspect you are 20 something, maybe. Hang in there and get off the wellbuterin - in fact A LOT of the antidepressants cause sexual dysfunction. See if you can possibly get a 'user-friendly' dr. who will give you a scrip for valium or diazapam (generic version). That will not only reduce your anxiety but may allow you to relax enough to enjoy the sex. Make the sexual experience more about the intimacy and less about the climax. It will come with time (pun intended.) Get past the shyness with the Dr. or get another one. Caffiene is a stimulant, won't help at all - will just make you jittery. Good luck to you.
 
^I'm 22. :)

Thank you so much! You are RIGHT ON. No one has talked to me about the Welbuterin being the cause, only the Lexapro. But I wasn't having problems until they put me on the Welbuterin. They put me on Provigil pretty soon afterwards because the Welbuterin was for ADD and it wasn't doing shit for that. I thought maybe it was the Provigil, but stimulants have always helped me orgasm. I never thought it was the Welbuterin because when I went on it this girl told me "its the miracle drug, it makes you not want to eat and want to have lots of sex."

I don't even think I need the Welbuterin honestly, why do I need to be on two anti-depresents? And its not helping what it was supposed to, so I'll probably just discontinue taking it. But thank you so much! :)
 
Hopefully the pills that are being prescribed you are to help you bridge the gap between being stimulant dependent and then off.

I noticed you mentioned that you are shy about talking to a man about how to please you. Try to overcome that. Be experimental.

:)
 
I have been on a lot of different antidepressants and first came to the this board because of a search on brain zaps I had thought only antidepressant withdrawal caused zaps till now.

So what I have to say will be about the antidepressants and my experience with them. I have been on a couple some very short term less than a month others years short term were prozac and paxil ......amitriptyline 2years zoloft 2years effexor2 years then celexa was added to the effexor for 4more years till I quit ... effexor anther year for a grand total of 7years .

The last stint was 7 years of effexor celexa was added to the effexor at the 2 year point as it was no longer working.

Sex while on effexor became bizarre as I had a strange personality change I could not connect to people well emotionally but could have sex in the beginning in fact sex was on my mind more in the beginning.

Somewhere along the way I stopped being able to orgasm too and it stayed. I did not know it was the drug but became ill a lot of the time and felt it was the celexa so i quit taking it. 2006 had been on it a few years by then. I still did not feel well and noticed my sexual organs including breasts were numb. The next year 2007 I quit effexor too. The numbness and libido issues remained. In 2009 the feeling started to come back and a couple of times there were sexual feelings that did not belong in the moment that just came flooding in. Like in the grocery store ect. They were not part of a normal sex life which remained nothing and I mean zip.

It is 2010 10 years since I started effexor I have not had sex in 4 years. I have some sexual feeling but not enough to have a successful orgasm. I am told this may heal in time as my body adapts to being without the antidepressants I hope so. I have researched this issue and there are others who have been years without an erection or orgasm for females. I do not see any answer yet.

On rare occasions when the sexual feelings flooded that I could take advantage of it a new issue arouse severe blinding head aches just at the beginning of the orgasm that will put anybody off even trying believe me.

I do not know the answer and I have had one doctor say it is likely because of the antidepressants. I am just telling you what happened to me and that I suspect all this is drug induced.

I am not trying to scare you off your meds I do not know how common this is but I do think it is possible that the longer you stay on the meds the more likely this will be your fate. If you are going to go off the antidepressants do some research first on how to get off them. They have a long withdrawal which some would say can take years to recover from if you go cold turkey. A good site I have found is paxilprogress.org they help people get off meds every day.
I did not find them in time and went off mostly cold turkey after a rather lackluster attempt at tapering.

Good luck to you whatever you decide.
 
Hmmm i found wellbutrin to have a positive effect on my sex drive actually and it didnt affect my ability to orgasm at all. That and the fact that it doesent make me manic is the reason why it's the only anti-depressant im on. However everyone is different so the wellbutrin or the lexapro could be causing it. Or both. Lexapro is a SSRI and like all SSRI's it can commonly fuck up your sex life in all sorts of ways.

When i was on effexor (a SNRI) before i was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder the stuff completely fucked up my ability to orgasm and kinda flattened my sex drive as well. I didnt have a clue that effexor could do that and found out the hard way the first week i was on it and i got some girl to come home with me. I couldnt get off to save my life even though she was rather hot. For some reason she got self conscious about it and thought it had something to do with her. I didnt wanna tell her i was on anti-depressants so i told her i had been doing alot of coke that day. By the way my pupils looked i could certainly pass for someone wacked out of it on blow. I don't know why i felt less ashamed about telling her i was on coke then anti-depressants 8) but that atleast stopped her from being self conscious and all i got was abit of a lecture on how bad coke is for you. Somehow that made me feel better :\

Don't be afraid to give the guy hints about how you like him going down on you. I didnt mind my g/f doing that at all. Every woman is different in how they like it so i certainly didnt mind a tap on the head and abit of advice while i was down there doing my thing ;)
 
Don't stop taking the antidepressants--but you might try another type--there's a shitload of options for depression. One natural intervention you might try: if you are physically healthy, add a physical workout--strenuous exercise--on a daily basis. Over time you may need less AD meds and that will help your libido. Exercise also has affects on serotonin reuptake which also affects libido. You should realize that meth really screws up the pleasure centers of the brain. Don't think there is an overnight remedy for the six years meth re-wired your brain! It just takes time. Best wishes.
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
I am madly in love with my boyfriend and I LOVE having sex with him, but it has been three months and I have been yet to have an orgasm.

I've been a meth addict for most of the last six years of my life, and so when I was using achieving orgasm usually wasn't that hard. I've never been able to cum from intercourse but usually from having someone go down on me or finger me. But I am clean (about five months from meth) and he's the only person I've slept with sober pretty much since I started using.

I have tried everything I know of to be able to have an orgasm, and I'm about to give up. I don't know if when you come off meth its harder to have one? I'm also on antidepresents and so that may have a factor, and I know that for some reason caffeine makes it more difficult. (i will also add that I have a harder time bringing myself to orgasm on my own).

So... I really need tips, advice, and please nothing pervy. :)
Click to expand...
has your boyfriend got a big penis, i say this because the bigger the cock the more likely it will hit all the right places in your vagina. this would probably give you an orgasm, if he's got a small penis, then perhaps it wouldn't have the same effect as a big penis would for giving you an orgasm. maybe your boyfriend needs to thrust a bit harder, or go in a bit deeper in to your bush.
 
lilfoot said:
what anti-depressants?

when i was on SSRI's i found it completely impossible to have an orgasm if i wasn't doing it myself. i know several other people who had the same issue. that could very well be the culprit right there!
Click to expand...

I had similar issues in the past when I was prescribed Zoloft. I couldn't stand not being able to orgasm, and believe me I tried, both through masturbation and sexual intercourse. It was a no go. I spoke to my psychiatrist and he safely tapered me off of the Zoloft and tried me on something else that didn't have this terrible sexual dysfunctional side effect. I wouldn't be surprised if you can't reach orgasm because of the antidepressant.

Talk to your doctor about it and see what you two can work out. Pleased don't just skip doses or quit cold turkey because this could cause severe withdrawal symptoms and other health complications. Ask your doctor for more information about that.
 
From what I know apparently 80% of women can only climax from clitoral stimulation and yes SSRI's (Lexapro being one) can stop you from having an orgasm.
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
I'm on Lexapro and Wellbuterin.
Click to expand...

Yep, escitalopram just killed my sexual drive. Almost impossible to orgasm, long past the point where the delay was even remotely still welcome, it just being a slog to get to the finish having expended so much time and energy on getting there in the first place


Can you come eventually from masturbating on your own, because if so it's probably that he hasn't worked out quite yet what it is that you're doing different to him. If you're not comfortable showing him explicitly where and how you like to be touched, kissed, caressed you can do a lot with subtle cues, like breath, breathing rhythm, gasps, moans, the rise and fall of your body when he does something you like or don't like. Everyone's different in terms of their responses, like and dislikes, and part of the fun of a new sexual relationship is that mutual exploring of each others' triggers, playing round to see what works, so make it easy for him to read your responses. It's not just technique though that's part of it: it's having the skill to read the body's responses till you can bring your lover to the point of orgasm and just hold them there, backing off then coming back in, but that has to be learned together.
 
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