I know this will turn out badly, but I have found opioids for me to be FAR AND AWAY the best anti-depressants. For about 5 months I have almost daily used hydrocodone for severe back pain, but have found it unfailingly elevates my mood. I'm not talking a goofy blissed-out high, just happy and focused. I am energetic, pain-free, and actually look forward to work or social situations I would otherwise have dreaded for one reason or another. I'm getting a little tolerance, up from 5-10 mg per day to where it's no less than 20 per day and on weekends (for fun) up to 60. Had what I think was a little taste of the monkey the other day. I had had some medical procedures done that resulted in me taking 60 mg per day for 4 day in a row, beginning about 9:00 a.m. and maintaining all day long. Then the work week comes, and I'm not taking anything. I'm in front of a roomful of people making a presentation late in the afternoon, when all of sudden I start popping a huge sweat and my stomach just heaves. I run to the bathroom, have a huge blowout, and wonder if I have a bug or.... An hour later I drop 10mg of hc and all symptoms go away. Shit. So it looks like I have to pay attention. But I wonder how long I can go on combatting depression like this. A fool's game? Thoughts?