befitnessnow
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2011
- Messages
- 21
*I posted this exact same thread on another but figured it couldn't hurt to post it more than one place and that forum and this one are the only ones I truly value. Just figured I'd mention that*
I've been on and off opiates for about 7-8 years and I should let it be known that, to me, Kratom is very much a real opiate, it affects like like Hydro or Oxy.
At one point within that time frame, I went a year without any opiates and it went like such...
I was on about 90mg Hydro (which I know isn't a lot for most but for me, it was/is), went into W/D for 24 hours and then dosed Kratom. It was amazing, all W/D's gone and I felt GREAT. So that was that, I spent the nexr 3 years taking 6 Tsp's of Kratom a day and I rarely used extracts. I went cold turkey and went through horrendous W/D's at my girlfriends for about two weeks.
Then I stayed off Kratom and any other opiate for a year. I'm very physically active and was actually going to do a phhysique competition last year but priorities got in the way of that. My point being that I was and am very physically active, which is great for releasing endorphins. Regardless though, after my first month clean, I started thinking about opiates/kratom every day again. Every single day. And by a years end, I couldn't deal with the anxiety and creeping depression, so I went back to Kratom, luckily I stuck to only 1-2 Tsp's a day this time though (at least I learned something from my prior experience) for about 6 months, went though a much less drastic W/D and there I was 3 weeks later, depressed and anxiety ridden.
I had it in my mind that I would find a willing doc and use a very low dose (.5-1mg) of Suboxone with the idea that it would allow me to not crave opiates/kratom and also in doing so, alleviate anxiety and increase my mood. I know a lot of people may shun me for thinking of using Suboxone prior to a 2 gram Kratom dose daily dependency but I don't know how to not crave opiates and they are the only damn drug to alleviate my anxiety/depression but I don't want to use them, kratom included. Kratom has a short half life in my experience and leaves me constantly thinking about it and always having drastic highs and lows every day and waking up in W/D's.
Anyways, after an extensive amount of phone calls, I found a willing doc and told him my complete and honest story. He gave me 2mg Subs and said I could use as little as I wanted, I just couldn't go above that 2mg dose and we would assess next week what dose was seeming to work best. That was on Wednesday and I took .5mg that day and felt better than I had in so long... No opiate cravings, no anxiety, mood was lifted, I felt "level", my GF was elated to see me this happy in weeks. But later that night, after she had fallen asleep and I could sort of feel the low dose wearing off, I realized this was a reality now. Contemplating using low dose Bupe versus actually having a script for it and knowing I have a consistent supply to it are two different things. I really sat and started reevaluating if I wanted to go this route. Even at super low doses, I know within a week I will be emotionally dependent and within another week, I will become physically dependent.
Part of me wants to take the low dose Sub route and get back to living my life and moving forward without thinking about opiates every hour but I know, at the end of the day, I'll eventually just have another beast to slay when I decide to come off of it and it will probably be hellish even at that dose. Another part of me wants to just try and stay clean and work more on mindfulness, cbt, dbt, etc, but I know those cravings will constantly be there.
I'm finding this decision to be incredibly difficult and hard to make and I respect this forum immensely, so any opinions would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you taking the time to read this, even if you have nothing to say in response!
I've been on and off opiates for about 7-8 years and I should let it be known that, to me, Kratom is very much a real opiate, it affects like like Hydro or Oxy.
At one point within that time frame, I went a year without any opiates and it went like such...
I was on about 90mg Hydro (which I know isn't a lot for most but for me, it was/is), went into W/D for 24 hours and then dosed Kratom. It was amazing, all W/D's gone and I felt GREAT. So that was that, I spent the nexr 3 years taking 6 Tsp's of Kratom a day and I rarely used extracts. I went cold turkey and went through horrendous W/D's at my girlfriends for about two weeks.
Then I stayed off Kratom and any other opiate for a year. I'm very physically active and was actually going to do a phhysique competition last year but priorities got in the way of that. My point being that I was and am very physically active, which is great for releasing endorphins. Regardless though, after my first month clean, I started thinking about opiates/kratom every day again. Every single day. And by a years end, I couldn't deal with the anxiety and creeping depression, so I went back to Kratom, luckily I stuck to only 1-2 Tsp's a day this time though (at least I learned something from my prior experience) for about 6 months, went though a much less drastic W/D and there I was 3 weeks later, depressed and anxiety ridden.
I had it in my mind that I would find a willing doc and use a very low dose (.5-1mg) of Suboxone with the idea that it would allow me to not crave opiates/kratom and also in doing so, alleviate anxiety and increase my mood. I know a lot of people may shun me for thinking of using Suboxone prior to a 2 gram Kratom dose daily dependency but I don't know how to not crave opiates and they are the only damn drug to alleviate my anxiety/depression but I don't want to use them, kratom included. Kratom has a short half life in my experience and leaves me constantly thinking about it and always having drastic highs and lows every day and waking up in W/D's.
Anyways, after an extensive amount of phone calls, I found a willing doc and told him my complete and honest story. He gave me 2mg Subs and said I could use as little as I wanted, I just couldn't go above that 2mg dose and we would assess next week what dose was seeming to work best. That was on Wednesday and I took .5mg that day and felt better than I had in so long... No opiate cravings, no anxiety, mood was lifted, I felt "level", my GF was elated to see me this happy in weeks. But later that night, after she had fallen asleep and I could sort of feel the low dose wearing off, I realized this was a reality now. Contemplating using low dose Bupe versus actually having a script for it and knowing I have a consistent supply to it are two different things. I really sat and started reevaluating if I wanted to go this route. Even at super low doses, I know within a week I will be emotionally dependent and within another week, I will become physically dependent.
Part of me wants to take the low dose Sub route and get back to living my life and moving forward without thinking about opiates every hour but I know, at the end of the day, I'll eventually just have another beast to slay when I decide to come off of it and it will probably be hellish even at that dose. Another part of me wants to just try and stay clean and work more on mindfulness, cbt, dbt, etc, but I know those cravings will constantly be there.
I'm finding this decision to be incredibly difficult and hard to make and I respect this forum immensely, so any opinions would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you taking the time to read this, even if you have nothing to say in response!
