Recovery Opiod addiction recovery issues

[lordofpie69]

So long story short I was on heroin on the streets for about 6 years. Not doing too much, just smoking like at most a half gram a day. Finally I got on suboxone and got clean and then kicked suboxone on a taper a year later. I was clean for nearly 4 years then I got in a motorcycle accident. The doctor told me I was whining and stigmatized me a drug addict. I went back to hospital 3 times, and he took Xrays and said I just had broken collarbone and was fine. Well 2 months later I go to seattle and my arm was dislocated the entire time, healed my collarbone all fucked up and now have chronic pain. Should have sued the guy but waited to long and probably missed statue of limitation.

Anyway been a little over 3 years now and living with chronic pain and losing my work as fitness trainer and coach I become quickly dependant on painkillers. Once again moved quickly to heroin. This time IV and got up to almost 2 grams a day. Then went on the blue fent pills did about 20 a day. Now I'm smoking fentanyl powder. I want to get clean but it's hard to find a rehab that doesn't give me the hard sell. I know staying clean is the hard part for most people, but I have a little more emotional intelligence and self understanding at this age and the hardest part for me was the kick anyway. Needless to say with my massive tolerance I'm terrified of how bad the detox is going to be.

I would just go send it and do it but I'm worried about how I will get passed insomnia. When I was clean for all that time I barely slept more than 2 or 3 hours a night. The first 6 months I would go 4 or 5 days without sleep and then crash over and over again. Lately on my attempts to kick the insomnia was worse I only made it like 2 or 3 weeks and literally would not sleep at all in that time. But that was like a year ago and my tolerance is like ten times that now so I feel like it will be worse. I'm thinking of going to a psychiatrist and see if they can work with my insomnia and in the meantime plan to go to a detox. I can't afford a full rehab. Anyway wondering if anyone can help me with these issues and give some advice anything is appreciated, thank you!

 

[kongoman]

appreciatedjfi

 

[Branggen]

methadone taper down to like 15 mgs just to drop the tollerance

 

[lordofpie69]

methadone taper down to like 15 mgs just to drop the tollerance

Thats a pretty good idea actually iIm not sure of anywhere to get it though. I guess I could go to the clinic or something though I know a lot of people who did that and now are stuck going there daily plus using drugs on top of it lol. Not trying to make excuses though that is a solid idea. Do you know if withdrawal is going to get like... the same intensity as your dependency level? Like if you're using 10 times more will it be that much worse... some of my friends said it doesn't make that much of a difference it will only be like 50% worse or something and that once you get to that level it doesn't get much worse than that. I'm trying to prepare myself mentally I'm going to pay for treatment out of pocket

 

[cdin]

methadone taper down to like 15 mgs just to drop the tollerance

tbf i think this is pretty reasonable. start with micro dose naltrexone too to start training the receptors back a lil bit in the process.
from there, if you can secure a supply of legit pharma pills, i would probably titrate AGAIN with morphine or OC or something then jump
once i got that down to the 5-10mg range. You absolutely can do it. it will be a long and arduous process, but I have done the same minus the fentanyl part.
which ofc will be a big hurdle. imo the sooner you get off the fent and back down to normal potency range opioids, the better. I know this is difficult, but i think you can do it.

 

[lordofpie69]

tbf i think this is pretty reasonable. start with micro dose naltrexone too to start training the receptors back a lil bit in the process.
from there, if you can secure a supply of legit pharma pills, i would probably titrate AGAIN with morphine or OC or something then jump
once i got that down to the 5-10mg range. You absolutely can do it. it will be a long and arduous process, but I have done the same minus the fentanyl part.
which ofc will be a big hurdle. imo the sooner you get off the fent and back down to normal potency range opioids, the better. I know this is difficult, but i think you can do it.

When you do that does it make your PAWS not last as long or something? Like your brain recover faster so you can sleep normally? And are you able to sleep while dropping down and stuff? I also dropped down with suboxone like that and it wasn't so bad. I was thinking of doing like a 2 or 3 day medical detox and then jumping on suboxone and slowly going down like that to half mg and jumping off. Which is kind of similar and easier to come by. The problem for me to switching other opiates is how powerful fentanyl is. I went on it to save money, if I taper down with other stuff It would cost me hundreds of dollars a day in the meantime. The methadone clinic would work I suppose if I stayed true to it but the problem is the one in my area wont let you taper down for the first 2 years

 

[cdin]

When you do that does it make your PAWS not last as long or something? Like your brain recover faster so you can sleep normally? And are you able to sleep while dropping down and stuff? I also dropped down with suboxone like that and it wasn't so bad. I was thinking of doing like a 2 or 3 day medical detox and then jumping on suboxone and slowly going down like that to half mg and jumping off. Which is kind of similar and easier to come by. The problem for me to switching other opiates is how powerful fentanyl is. I went on it to save money, if I taper down with other stuff It would cost me hundreds of dollars a day in the meantime. The methadone clinic would work I suppose if I stayed true to it but the problem is the one in my area wont let you taper down for the first 2 years

goddamn done is such a racket. wtf. ... maybe acquire an outpatient stash of done, do your own damn short term done taper just to bridge the gab between the fent and the suboxone. that's a big gap in activity and i can imagine the crossover process from fent -> subs would be fookin miserable.
the way im talking about will just be gentler overall. can't guarantee sleep the entire time, but it's definitely more likely than if you went about it through CT or something. and ime any time your final jump is off a shorter acting/lower binding agent the subsequent WD/PAWS is a bit easier.

 

[lordofpie69]

goddamn done is such a racket. wtf. ... maybe acquire an outpatient stash of done, do your own damn short term done taper just to bridge the gab between the fent and the suboxone. that's a big gap in activity and i can imagine the crossover process from fent -> subs would be fookin miserable.
the way im talking about will just be gentler overall. can't guarantee sleep the entire time, but it's definitely more likely than if you went about it through CT or something. and ime any time your final jump is off a shorter acting/lower binding agent the subsequent WD/PAWS is a bit easier.

The only thing that is my issue is sleep deprivation. When I cold turkeyed before I would always make it like 2 weeks. I think the longest I would have to make it to take subs is like 3 days in my guess. And I could definitely tough it out that long. Yeah I wouldn't sleep for 3 days but then I could get on subs probably. And yeah... I can try to find a doctor to prescribe methadone maybe. The clinic really sucks here. They won't let you get takehomes and actively try to screw you over. . I know people who have been clean years and they still try to take away their takehomes and make them come daily just bc it's easier for the clinic that way. IF their system goes down and you can't dose that day, it ends up being your fault. Like you can wait there for 6 hours and their system is down the whole time they won't dose bc they are afraid they might double dose someone they will just instead punish you and say its your fault you missed and you lose your takehomes.

 

[cdin]

The only thing that is my issue is sleep deprivation. When I cold turkeyed before I would always make it like 2 weeks. I think the longest I would have to make it to take subs is like 3 days in my guess. And I could definitely tough it out that long. Yeah I wouldn't sleep for 3 days but then I could get on subs probably. And yeah... I can try to find a doctor to prescribe methadone maybe. The clinic really sucks here. They won't let you get takehomes and actively try to screw you over. . I know people who have been clean years and they still try to take away their takehomes and make them come daily just bc it's easier for the clinic that way. IF their system goes down and you can't dose that day, it ends up being your fault. Like you can wait there for 6 hours and their system is down the whole time they won't dose bc they are afraid they might double dose someone they will just instead punish you and say its your fault you missed and you lose your takehomes.

The same year the Nixon admin accepted a proposal for MAT, was the year Howard lotsof made his own proposal for ibogaine hcl.

MAT was instated and ibogaine made schedule 1. Tells you a whole lot right there. Getting people off of anything has never been a real priority. Shifting the economic model from dealers back to taxes doctors is the priority.

 

[lordofpie69]

The same year the Nixon admin accepted a proposal for MAT, was the year Howard lotsof made his own proposal for ibogaine hcl.

MAT was instated and ibogaine made schedule 1. Tells you a whole lot right there. Getting people off of anything has never been a real priority. Shifting the economic model from dealers back to taxes doctors is the priority.

Yeah that doesn't surprise me. People see addicts and want to make money off them. Humans always try to benefit at the expensive of another's weakness. Most rehabs are run for profit where I used to live in florida. Now here in Seattle WA it's arguably worse. They decriminalized pretty much anything outside of murder as long as you're an addict. You can rob stores at gunpoint and get given rehab here. It makes it so every state run place is full of convicts. The last one I was at 2 different people got their teeth knocked out in different fights. The place had feral cats running around and rats inside. The addict life sucks

But in the end its my fault and I have to take responsibility. Nobody is going to save me here so I'll have to do it myself. I'm just trying to figure out what course of action has the best chance of success. If I could get my hands on detox meds I would do it myself. Just back out on benzos for 3 days and then go on suboxone, taper down and then jump off at a quarter mg like I did last time. Trying to find doctor to prescribe me sleep meds hasn't worked since they all assume I'll abuse them lol

 

[cdin]

CBN , muscimol, asking for some quietapine from gp are most helpful sleep options I know that are easy to get.