Opiates: To Be or Not To Be???

[LBoogie]

Hi All...
I'm relatively new to Bluelight, I've been reading for a while but just finally registered. Part of the reason I registered is cause I need some help I guess...ok I do, I really do. I'm trying to kick an opiate habit (again) cold turkey. I was all pumped up before that I'm going to do this, remind myself of all the reasons why I want to stop for good, life will make sense again and I will finally be "normal". The problem is...whenever I start to w/d....I start to rationalize or tell myself that maybe life on dope isn't so bad, I can somehow make this work. Now I KNOW deep down that it's not possible but I can't control myself or my thoughts..I'm in this paradox circle that I can't get out of...I fuckin HATE opiates but I fuckin LOVE them.
I've been going on about 3-4 years now of mostly just opiates, but my drug history began much longer before. I've been on and off with IV and I know most of you understand just how fuckin mind blowing it is as soon as it enters your blood stream but how much it fuckin just HURTS at the same time. Just knowing how sad you are to be doing this...I know this w/d process is going to last at least a week and it didn't sound so long and bad when I made the decision to stop, but the days are so fucking long and each hour seems like it's a year and I want to just fuckin shoot myself in my ass or do something crazy stupid just to have a reason to get some pain killers at least. I just need someone to keep reminding me about what's in store AFTER this ends and to not relapse and be a failure.....

 

[TINK]

Keep it up. Getting through this will make you a stronger person. I was addicted to opiates for more than 8 years and been opiate free for a little over 4 years now.

Once you get through the physical withdrawls, everything will be easy.

Good Luck!

 

[LBoogie]

Thanks...I just really hate this process...the crazy anxiety, the restlessness, inability to sleep..but i think the worse for me right now is how to pass the fuckin time!!!! I try to do lil things here and there and I look back at the clock praying it's been hours but it's barely been a dent. And it's just too much time to think...time really flies when youre high, even when you do nothing. Thanks tho for your kind words.

 

[TINK]

Yeah I know how you feel. I couldn't do it cold turkey, even tried cold turkey and on benzo's and I couldn't handle it. I ended up going to 21 day outpatient detox at a methadone clinic.

One thing you want to keep in mind, when you get off the opiates thats the first battle and the hardest in my opinion. But, you have to figure out a way to deal with your emotional issues as well. No one, I don't care what they tell you, who is emotionally stable would do what we do and have done. If you don't get help for the emotional side of your addiction issue you are more likely to fall off the wagon.

I know what you are probably saying to yourself. But, I am not really an addict. I only have a problem with opiates. I was the same way. Not addicted to anything except the opiates. Once I got them out of my system and started seeing someone to deal with my issues, everything was so clear. Like a fog over my life had lifted. I know if I wouldn't have gotten help for my issues I would have easily fallen off the wagon. I have a chronic pain condition and everytime I walk into the doctor's office they are trying to give me pain meds. Funny thing is when I think about taking them i get sick to my stomach. I might have to have surgery and i am afraid i will be in post-op pain for a while because i will not be able to take any pain meds.

Thats is the point you need to work towards.

 

[theartofwar]

The physical withdrawals are tough , for sure . But I swear the PAWS are what ruin me. I know that I have never made it all the way through PAWS - I hope I can at some point (and from there be able to stay off) but I highly doubt that I could achieve this.