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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

opiates (methadone) and benzodiazpines (xanax,rivotril)

tyler5

tyler5

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 6, 2005
Messages
480
Location
Tallinn, Estonia
Hello fellow Bluelighters,

Please read what happened to me the day before yesterday and respond with Your humble opinion!

I want to understand the mechanics of this failure from not a point of view of 'why of why did you trai?!' or 'you are abusing medications that real people actually really need!.!'



T 0:00 today I used 1300ml/mg methadone, #60 1mg xanax, #8 2mg rivotril in attempt to change my mind and body to another place for ever and more.

I was OK for the whole time after guzzling a litre of 'done. Just felt I had a bit of a floaty feeling in my belly, but nothing alarmin.

T 2:00 So I'm into the methadone taking its effects,
was on a couch when i just became violently ill. Like not the usual 'im about to barf feeling' and you have the time to run to the toilet or wherever. not that kinda feeling. it was projectile vomiting without ANY forewarning or at least i could not read the signs.
so. after that, its become aware to me that i did not and will not die in the coming month at least, FUCK! my throat and sides of my mouth still feel fucking sore from the projectile vomiting.


now, how the hell can 1300ml's (1.3 LITERS/43 US fluid OZ)METHADONE, 60mg ALPRAZOLAM,16mg CLONAZEPAM NOT kill a 70kg/155lbs person?

was it all because I couldnt keep that over a liter of methadone down for long enough for it to have its effects on me? if not, what the hell could be causing this?

I BEG of You to take me seriously and offer me up at least some kind of a logical version to this.
How can it that people die of overdoses every day yet i never died from my suicide attempt which just happened to be an overdose (and a healthy dose at that, i wasnt talking 20 hydrocodone, 40 soma and 15 2mg xanax!?!?)
 
Last edited:
yes, exactly.

why was it that I puked all this liquid methadone out?
if not for that, i would have been dead for sure!
 
Tyler, I feel very deeply for you and your situation.

Drug addiction can take people to some very dark places in life. Both the decisions you make and the mental and physical toll it takes on your body are serious. That said, most people like us have a comorbid malignant psychological issue that was present before drugs use started. It doesn't take a genius to put these two pieces together. We use drugs because we want to feel normal and happy which we usually are not.

After I had been using heroin for some time at age 19 I had just forged a check for $300 dollars and then ran out of drugs. The check was gonna clear any day and as you can imagine, the check was stolen from someone I loved very dearly and who showed me the same love in return all of my life.

I ended up putting my belt around both arms one at a time to make my veins really pop. I got in the bath and sliced both of my arms with a boxcutter vertically. I deliberately sliced open both of my main veins and a couple of the peripheral ones. I got in the shower and waited. I bled for about fifteen minutes before there was enough blood to leak out of the shower and underneath the bathroom door. People were suspicous in the house because I was a know drug addict and being in the shower for an extended period was a bad sign.

My mother found me barely conscious halfway out of the shower prostrated. An ambulance took me to the hospital where they gave me blood and a doctor stapled both of my tattered bloody arms back together while I was fully conscious. It was quite painful, but I was numb to the phsyical pain at the time. I was at the psychiatric ward for two weeks, with bandages on my arms clearly indicating what had transpired. I saw my mom after a while. No one cared about the check, but my mother was never the same. In her opinion there was no clearer sign of failure in parenting than what I had become. Although, it wasn't her fault at all.

I know it sounds cheezy but hang in there. There are people who care about you. There always are. I'd be happy to PM with you if you have the time. I don't have all of the answers but who knows, it might help.
 
ComfortablyNumb95 said:
I think your methadone was bunk, it's impossible that you survived to 1g+ of methadone, without even taking the benzos into account.
Click to expand...

bunk? dude, i've been going to the clinic for 3 years now. on 140mg/day.
have you ever heard of 'bunk' methadone coming out of a clinic?
im just wondering wtf it was that made me puke out a litre (1 L, 32oz) of liquid 'done?
and as far as the 50-60 alprazolam i took is concerned - they are actually rated higher than the OG Pfizer 1mg footballs..

i'm in EU, btw.
 
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