Opiates helping with suicidal ideation?

[teological]

Hey BL, sorry if this is posted in the wrong section or better suited for as a blog. But I want some responses!

I stopped opiates as per usual, to drop tolerance. Went well over two months. Anyway, lately I have been having SEVERE depression. I spent days thinking about suicide especially at night. Two nights ago, I put the gun inside my mouth to see at which angle I would shoot and if my hand was able to reach the trigger (rifle). You get the point.

Anyway, last night I decided that my tolerance break should be over, went and copped, took my dose. Tolerance down and I was happy at the results. Now, I did not realise this until well into the night that I did not think about suicide once. Not once. In fact the entire numbness, hatred and boredom of life dissapeared. I wake up today, do my usual daily stuff and forget again that I was ever depressed. Note I have not dosed and have a minor hangover. I was lying down with heaps of time (this is when the thoughts arise) and I feel silly for feeling so down and actually acting out the suicide with the gun.

There is no doubt in my mind, that the opiate has done something great here, but I do not know what it has changed in my brain. My next use will be about a week from now, and even that gives me motivation to do productive stuff. The one thing that comes to mind is PAWS and that perhaps the reason why I was feeling so badly is because of the opiates themselves. But I have withdrawn for long periods of times on plenty of occasions and never had suicdal ideation this badly. And prior to my discovery of opiates I was still depressed. I have been depressed since early teens, so I do not think that they are the cause.

Anyway, what do you guys think? I mean this has potentially saved my life and also made me more productive and happy. SO why will doctors not prescribe me any legally? But they will hand out Prozac like lollies for lunch?

Now I feel so confident. In the fact that if I ever feel so shitty again, all I need is a little dose of opiates. No shit.

 

[pancakepirate]

Eh, this is kind of a precarious situation, and while opiates were never my drug of choice, I've experienced this with other substances.

Depression is usually an ongoing issue, at least it is for me. At times, my depression will seem fully abated, only to rear its ugly head once more. Naturally, altering your state of mind (the mind being the birthplace of the problem) is going to help temporarily. The substance might be an effective salve for short periods of time, but it can make depression worse in the long run. I'm no longer on any anti-depressants, but I won't say they haven't helped me for longer durations and were ultimately more stable than self-medicating.

Ultimately, it's your call and your well-being. Personally, the method you're wanting to use has never served me well long-term. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[lordnate93]

its a vicous cycle man, wanna die until you get high, get high then never want to come down and when u do.. want to die, then eventually get high and not even feel that amazing and eventually want to die while high, get clean feel great, remain clean, feel down and want to die or get high. and repeat. theres more scienc in that and idn how well i worded it, but yea thats been my life for years now. but at least im clean now.

 

[SkagKush]

^ agreed... short term, sure why not...

long term, hell no.

id steer clear.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

You'll feel much worse when you're coming down from them. It's probably ideal to address why you feel that way without opiates.

 

[teological]

Captain, the funny thing is I feel pretty great after I withdraw from addictions. Like I achieved something. That lasts for a while, and even when things calm down, I never had suicidal ideation at that level. I mean today I have remained sober, and still feel ok. No where near the dumps I was in before my dose last night. Lordnate, I agree with that cycle and it sort of describes this a bit.

The reason why I am so against SSRI etc is because they are not natural and change the way the brain behaves in a synthetic way. I am one of those herbalist type people, when it comes to medicine and diet. If an SSRI was 100% natural, I might give one a go per say. But then again SSRIs bring out psychotic symptoms in those predisposed to them, and I have had psychotic symptoms more than once whilst intoxicated on drugs (stims and weed).

My issues can not be addressed. I have already been to therapy etc. They attempted to put me on SSRIs more than once. Told them to fuck off. My problems happened at an age, were the only way they can be fixed, is if I travel back in time. I like the analogy of a fucked up lower back. You may have strong legs and a strong upper body, but if you have fucked lower back discs, you are weak. This is exactly my situation, in a chronological reality.

 

[Sepher]

It's dangerous ground, and completely counter-productive in the long run. One of the things that make opiates so attractive for many at first is the effect they have on mood. We feel better than well on them, they stabilise fluctuations in mood very effectively, at first producing a euphoric high, as time goes on the high diminishes due to tolerance but they'll still prevent the wild fluctuations in mood to an extent so you don't hit such lows. In the end though, eventually they stop even doing that so much.

The more you take opiates the greater the psychological addiction becomes. Even if you could continue to chip without developing a full blown physical addiction the psychological addiction will be hard to break because as you've found, as soon as you stop taking them the full spectrum of emotions returns and you have the lows to deal with, and because you're not used to dealing with them any more at their full intensity they can be very, very difficult to cope with. It's this that often sends recovering addicts back to their DOC. This becomes easier in time and things tend to settle down but the only way to get there IME is full abstinence, give your body and mind the time to properly recover. The longer you use, the longer that is likely to take. It would be wise to bite the bullet and quit now, cos then you will get there all the sooner.

Have you tried counselling / CBT for your depression? It's often more effective long term for many, if not most than SSRIs, etc. It would be infinitely preferable to self-medicating with opiates, which is only gonna cause you even greater difficulties in the end if you continue to use.