Chemical360
Greenlighter
Hey everyone,
i have been coming here for a long time for advice on many things but never posted. I don't know why but now that I've been sober, i feel like posting. You are all incredibly smart and helpful people. I have gotten a lot of great advice just from reading. Well done!!!
So here it is, i had a raging habit for 6+ years. A violent mix of Morphine ER and IR from Dr for bad back (2 major surgeries) and Dope. There was Fentanyl in there too but i have been off that for a long time, after first surgery pretty much, so i discount that now.
At the height, I was chewing 60mg ER's, 8 a day, fistfuls of 15mg IR's on top. Then dope when I ran out early to maintain. Not bragging just detailing the extent of the damage i did.
I am on day 11 from the Morphine/Dope/subs... Day 11 is from the last sub dose so i have been clean for those 11 days... Before that I was in acute withdrawal for 14 days. The rough estimate for strong opiates is 5 to 10, i wish that was me! 14 days seems like a lifetime while suffering. Every hour is a week, ever day is a year. I would say hands down the most psychologically trying and emotionally draining experiences of my entire life. I never understood this hellish nightmare and have never been happier to see it end.
The bonus? I don't have to do it again. Yes i crave, yes i want to get blasted but is it worth it? Absolutely not.
The shame of it all is I have avoided opiates all my life, 32 years of restraint, because i knew what could happen, but knowing and feeling are two different animals. Then one day the warmth washes over you and from then on it is a never ending battle. I justified it with my back pain. "Im in pain so it is ok." It wasn't till i was buying quarters and halves of dope, behind my wife's back, lying and scheming to make "a play," that i sat up and took notice of what was happening. The beast had me hooked. Id call into work, tell my wife i was going to work, then go to a connections house, wait on a dealer, buy it and get blasted all damn day long. It was more work than my job yet i was paying to do it?
I have done a ton of coke and ecstasy in my day. But god damn! Never has a drug taken over my life quite like opiates. It's the one thing i couldn't control and believe me, i tried.....HARD!!! Being realistic, i am not going to say "never" but instead taking it one day at a time. Just for today i wont use, then the next day. One would think that the acute phase would be enough to dissuade us... Opiates are a curious animal, no matter how much we suffer, we want to go back... We associate the high with opiates instead of associating the suffering. Even as i type this, i am thinking about scoring. All this work would be for not. But I will push on and restrain. I keep reminding myself of the dreaded 14 days.
Ok i will shut up now. Keep on staying clean everyone. Life is a precious thing sober. I am beginning to remember what sobriety was like, a life without the constant fear of scoring, or rather not scoring and getting sick. Waking up NOT needing to dose is something not to take for granted.
Everyone here is very brave and strong. Keep it up!!
Chem
i have been coming here for a long time for advice on many things but never posted. I don't know why but now that I've been sober, i feel like posting. You are all incredibly smart and helpful people. I have gotten a lot of great advice just from reading. Well done!!!
So here it is, i had a raging habit for 6+ years. A violent mix of Morphine ER and IR from Dr for bad back (2 major surgeries) and Dope. There was Fentanyl in there too but i have been off that for a long time, after first surgery pretty much, so i discount that now.
At the height, I was chewing 60mg ER's, 8 a day, fistfuls of 15mg IR's on top. Then dope when I ran out early to maintain. Not bragging just detailing the extent of the damage i did.
I am on day 11 from the Morphine/Dope/subs... Day 11 is from the last sub dose so i have been clean for those 11 days... Before that I was in acute withdrawal for 14 days. The rough estimate for strong opiates is 5 to 10, i wish that was me! 14 days seems like a lifetime while suffering. Every hour is a week, ever day is a year. I would say hands down the most psychologically trying and emotionally draining experiences of my entire life. I never understood this hellish nightmare and have never been happier to see it end.
The bonus? I don't have to do it again. Yes i crave, yes i want to get blasted but is it worth it? Absolutely not.
The shame of it all is I have avoided opiates all my life, 32 years of restraint, because i knew what could happen, but knowing and feeling are two different animals. Then one day the warmth washes over you and from then on it is a never ending battle. I justified it with my back pain. "Im in pain so it is ok." It wasn't till i was buying quarters and halves of dope, behind my wife's back, lying and scheming to make "a play," that i sat up and took notice of what was happening. The beast had me hooked. Id call into work, tell my wife i was going to work, then go to a connections house, wait on a dealer, buy it and get blasted all damn day long. It was more work than my job yet i was paying to do it?
I have done a ton of coke and ecstasy in my day. But god damn! Never has a drug taken over my life quite like opiates. It's the one thing i couldn't control and believe me, i tried.....HARD!!! Being realistic, i am not going to say "never" but instead taking it one day at a time. Just for today i wont use, then the next day. One would think that the acute phase would be enough to dissuade us... Opiates are a curious animal, no matter how much we suffer, we want to go back... We associate the high with opiates instead of associating the suffering. Even as i type this, i am thinking about scoring. All this work would be for not. But I will push on and restrain. I keep reminding myself of the dreaded 14 days.
Ok i will shut up now. Keep on staying clean everyone. Life is a precious thing sober. I am beginning to remember what sobriety was like, a life without the constant fear of scoring, or rather not scoring and getting sick. Waking up NOT needing to dose is something not to take for granted.
Everyone here is very brave and strong. Keep it up!!
Chem
