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Opiates are Killing Me

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Back2Life

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Messages
7
That's funny because every time I say I feel ike I'm going to die, my girlfriend says, "you're not going to die!"

So, I've been on and off opiates for a few years. Never a daily user until maybe 18 months ago, mainly vikes, norcos. Then I got into oxy about 6 months ago. I'd do oxy for a week or two then get some methadones for a week and vikes in between, So, I've been a daily user of opiates for probably a year. Thing was, I wasnt even getting a buzz off norcos anymore when those used to be a treat.

Anyways, I'm detoxing now. Haven't done oxy for a month (so I should be congratulating myself, but I feel like shit. The last 3 weeks I did a methadone taper down to 2 a day, the 3 days of vikes, and just took the last of 3 days of darvocets (5 and I barely feel even a bit of relief!)

So, I talked to a friend today who can get me a few suboxones (4 but thats like 12 doses as I understand it). So, I just took my last Darvos and will be getting the Subs about 1 tomorrow. So, its about a 12 hours in between, but because Darvos are so weak and havent help w/ withdrawals anyways really, I figure I can take the Subs tomorrow afternoon. Sound OK to you guys?

Basically, I feel like crap and have for 3-4 days (24 hours after I took a 10mg meth). I have to be around family soon and I know there is a long road ahead for me and gotta be committed and strong.
 
I really hope someone replies just to say something nice. My low self esteem is part of why I got myself in this predicament.
 
I totally feel for you. I love opiates. Oxycontin is my favorite and if I had the money I would overdose because I love it. I buy some when I can and am always grateful when I am high. You will get through this, you just stay strong and the days pass without it and you realize your ok without it. (for awhile.)
 
well here's a response for you...

way to go man! I know it's hard, but you have the right idea, you just have to stick with it, knowing it isn't easy is a big part of it. Don't let other people make you feel bad, they don't understand how hard what you are doing is. I can't really talk, after 5 years on heroin, and then 10 years clean, I landed a chronic pain problem and now have more meds than I know what to do with. If it makes you feel any better...I now can hold 120 10mg hydro's and 120 10 mg opana IR's and only take the opana 40mg ER, for the whole month. after years of learning how to go without, I know how to keep myself under control. 10 years ago I would have burned through my meds and be looking for more before it was time to re-up. stay busy and keep your mind off it, it sounds corny but the whole just for today thing really worked for me. Its a lot easier to think abou one day not getting high than it is to think about never getting high again...in my experience anyway...

hope you feel better man, fight the good fight

we are never as strong as we wish to be, but we are ALWAYS as strong as we NEED to be

<3
 
Thanks Jade! When I was on the taper I could totally feel good about were I was at and do it one day at a time, but now that I'm hurting, it changes everything. I'm going to do it though!
 
I think someones sucess or failure after coming of opiates is all down too how much they were self medicating for mental health problems in the first place and how bad these are drug free. speaking for myself H addiction was a type of slow suicide for me and the needle a way of self harming, before i found H at 26 it was booze. Im currently on MMT "biding" my time till i find the willpower to take a large heroin shot which i will make sure i dont come back from. sorry to be a downer(understatement) but i think the first week or two off opiates is a kind of euphoria in its self ,which wears of fast and then you remember why you took opiates in the first place. i dont like NA/AA but i do agree when they say the bottle was just a symbol of much deeper problems. back2life i wish you well and remember , one day if you carry on the "im going to die " could be true, stop while you still care if it is or not.
 
donnie....let me just say that EVERY single person on this earth has a place and a reason to be here. Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a usually temporary problem. I've had suicide touch my life, and let me tell you, the absolute destruction and FOREVER heartache that is left for the loved ones to deal with is unbearable...please don't do that to those who care about you and love you.

I hope you can find it in you to choose a different path. There are some great threads here about suicide and darkness, etc, please try to look around and read up a bit.
 
Hang in there guy. Get as much support as you need. Choosing to be compassionate with yourself helps as the human tendency by default is usually to "beat our selves up" and feel subtle guiltiness when we get ourselves into self-inflicted situations like these.

Its helpful to remember that with an addiction to a drug like opiates, we were innocent in intent in that all we were probably trying to do is look for and maintain some degree of happiness and satisfaction in our lives like most everybody else on the the planet.

Suboxone is pretty good medicine, but expensive. The withdrawal however from Suboxone itself is pretty bad after long term use, so I have heard. But not as severe as from Methadone.

Another temporary maintenance option is tramadol, which are available legally through many online pharmacies since tramadol is not a controlled substance (except in certain states such as KY). Many opiate addicts find tramadol greatly eases withdrawal from strong opiates, and is easy to taper down from and stop after a few weeks. Currently tramadol costs about $100 for 180 50mg tablets, by online prescription, including 24Hr shipping.

Lastly, there is a wealth of information and experienced and knowledgeable support available from seasoned opiate addicts in the Addiction & Recovery forum of the site poppies.org.

Hang in there, One day at a time, and keep in mind your goal of freedom, no matter what it takes.
 
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Tramadol can and has caused seizures at doses above 400mg (8 50mg tablets) a day. Also there is a lot of variation in how people respond to it. The primary metabolite, not tramadol, is the opiate, and not all livers are created equal. Some people get a nice buzz from it, others feel little to nothing.
 
kicking opiates/ suboxone expert 7yrs exp ask me how to feel no withdrawl

I am a "kicking opiates/ suboxone use expert" 7yrs exp ask me how to feel little to no withdrawl, and how to use suboxone properly ,most cost efficiently, as well as doing it with out going through the equivilant 10 days of opiate withdrawls in 1 hr...absolute hell...Ill help anyone who wants to get off opiates......I have mastered kicking all opiates heron etc!!
 
Congrats on kicking oxy! You definitely have more will-power then myself! As far as the methadone/subo goes for some reason the meth made me really depressed and when I wasn't on other opiates I was severely depressed. Now when I got my suboxone script, all the shitty feelings and the depression went away. I feel like a new man and I can conquer the world!

I hope you can continue on the road of sobriety and I wish you the best of luck!
 
I fear i wouldn't be here if it wasn't for prison, banged up with no way out, it's a harsh way to come off but it'll be an experience i won't likely forget! And it was 15yrs ago!
And then when i got out i moved a long way away, and haven't looked back since! Would never touch opiates again!!
Just put then down and move away from it all, cut your ties! You need to stay possitive, but that's easier said than done when all your emotions are coming back after being locked away for so long!
Anyone and everyone is capable of kicking it, just stay away from 'all' drugs for a long time, including booze, keep at it mate, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about eventually, it made you sick the first few times you did it right? Just remember your body has been longing for you to get clean! Keep yourself occupied, the days will turn into months soon enough!
 
Thanks to everyone for you advice and support so far!

Such a crappy thing happened yesterday. My friend was supposed to get me [snip] worth of Subs (he had spent [snip] 6 months ago to get a "detox pack" for when he was finally read to kick and decided to share some with me) They turned out to be some anti-seizure med for epileptics. Luckily, he was able to give me the some methadones instead. Sucks for him (supposed friends sold them to him).

Anyone else try tramadol for detox? Can anyone recommend a good online pharmacy?

I also agree that it's about solving your inner issues and starting healthier habits as much as anything and I am committed to that.
 
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Best of luck to you. I'm going through similar shit, trying to taper down my hard drug use for numerous reasons, and it's the toughest shit I've ever done. Stay strong, friends and family are the best support you can get IME.
 
Nigiic said:
I was in that situation once. Rehab helped me. fuck meetings. just makes me want to use
Click to expand...

I have a distaste for meetings too.
So many catch slogans and repeats and memes like goddamn addict parrots.
Make me want to stick a needle in it.

"Once an addict, Always an addict" is not the reality of it. People who are addicted to drugs became addicted because they were not happy in the nondrug state and sought to improve upon how they feel. To say that "Once an addict, Always an addict" is like saying that there is no possibility that a person can find inner happiness and contentment. BULLSHIT. Everyone has the capacity for total happiness within themselves. Everybody.
 
go to rehab, turst me its way better than you think, quting on your own will most likely not help. the 12 steps will set you free! please just try to atleast go to NA meetings they help a lot, and peolpe will support no matter what.
 
I like the way they do rehabilitation in that movie "Idiocracy". If rehab was like that, it would be a lot more fun, and useful.
 
All this advice and information will be lost in NMI and won't have any use as a reference later. Good that you're trying to help the OP, but this is their intro thread. Why don't we try and keep the useful advice in the focus forums hey? :)

The OP has a thread in BDD with 0 replies; http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=513942


Welcome to Bluelight Back2Life :)
 
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