HeroinFeind
Greenlighter
This story does not really have anything to do with the thread, more just a background check on my addiction, it can be skipped until the next bold line, unless you are interested in learning a little bit more about who I am and how I am became this way! 
Just a quick history background: started with a little hydrocodone found in parents pill cabinet, decided I really enjoyed it (was just a fairly big pothead at the time, 14/15/16 years old don't remember exact age), later through partying found OG80. Had a lot of money at the time because I was selling large amounts of high quality marijuana. Got a good connect, paying $25 - $35 per 80, sometimes as low as $10 - $15 when buying bulk when available. Easily flipped those as well, adding to the money I was already making. Quickly started using OC all the time, not really noticing a problem developing because my habit barely touched the money I was raking in. At the peak of my addiction with OC (16 years old) I was doing about 400 - 800mg per day of OC, depending on what was available and what I had to do that day. My OC connect got popped, they became harder to find and at higher prices, that didn't really stop my use. Then I remember the first time I got the evil, dreaded OP80s. Stopped using opiates all together due to this, had no withdrawals at all (maybe some psychological, but I don't remember any discomfort). I always heard people called the OCs "hillbilly heroin" so I started researching what OC really was, what heroin really was. Decided that they are both opiates, how much different can they be? Was very connected in the game, so was not difficult at all to find heroin connects, probably a month until I found my ultimate connect which has never been dry, only sometimes bad dope, but was always cool with me and treated it just like a legit business. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I was a little older, 18, when I decided to find my OC replacement, and decided it was going to be heroin. I also decided that since other people had such problems with OC, but I had no withdrawals or anything (and had always seemed to deal much better with drugs and responsible use than my peers around me, that h would not be a problem either). I was even higher up in the pot game at that time, easily making $10k+/week. So when I started doing h, I was probably getting a g everyday or two but only snorting, always saying I would never use needles (huge fear of them, I would get pale and almost pass out when I had to get my blood taken by doctors). Well, needless to say h quickly took over my life. I had fallen in love all over again (once before, with a girl who I was in a relationship for 3 or 4 years at this time, and was still currently in said relationship). Sadly, since I still have love for the girl and really think she would've been "the one" if it wasn't for my new found love for h, I stopped showing her the love I had in the past, and slowly started completely replacing her with h. I became distant from my family, my girlfriend, and most of my friends (unless they were beneficial financially to me, or were rich themselves and had a very nice place to do my new found love at). People were starting to notice I was too fucked up way too often, which was never as much a concern when it was OC. I tried to lie and say it was just OC, but everyone noticed a huge difference, and eventually figured out what was really going on due to rumors and people talking as they do. I eventually lost my girlfriend, got played by some people I trusted at the time (and was blinded by xanax and h, or I would never have trusted them the way I did) and lost 98% of all my money, and lost everyone I had some how kept in my life for even this long. But even with all of these problems, I continued to use. I tried suboxone maintenance, all that did was hold me over when I did not have my DOC, and then was easy to sell / trade for h. My addiction only got worse with the suboxone added into it, and my tolerance also skyrocketed. Eventually I did what I never said I would do, and used a needle. Was amazed at how much more efficient this ROA was, and quickly went from snorting/shooting every other time, to only shooting. I became very depressed, only one or two "friends" remaining and they were also both addicts who fed my habit. I did nothing all day. I sat at home, alone. The only thing I had left was the h. I finally broke down, reached out for help from family, and got sent to rehab. Best decision of my life, 30 days later I was clean and happier than ever. Decided not to move back home, and stay in California. It was a dream come true. Beautiful woman who all seemed to love me, probably because of the great energy I had when sober and complete confidence in the fact that I could now take on anything life could throw at me. Life was going great. I got an apartment with a friend (another addict I met in rehab, well alcoholic), had at least 3 - 5 beautiful girls to hangout with any time and other "benefits" but told them all I was not looking for a serious relationship, only friendship and fun. I was doing AA/NA/CA/CMA with up to 3 meetings a day. I loved being sober more than anything. I remember being happier than I had been in over 6 years. I was getting in very good physical shape and felt like super man in every way possible. Than I made the mistake that everyone warned me not to do, I "fell in love" with a girl who was also fresh out of rehab, an alcoholic. Our relationship very quickly grew. Too fast. I stopped communicating with all the other girls I made friendships with, and told them all I would no longer have sexual relationships with them due to my feelings for this girl. Well, needless to say we quickly became "girlfriend and boyfriend" and I was once again, or at least I thought, on top of the world, happier than I ever thought I could be. Well, I don't always do that great in relationships, maybe still somewhat inexperienced in real relationships; I do much better just as friends with benefits. I don't blame her, or the relationship, I only blame myself but what happened next should've been the sign I needed: I relapsed. I got depressed one night because I felt like the girl didn't love me the way I loved her, even if she said she did. I did not relapse on h, but drank some beer. My roommate decided to relapse with me. Quickly a 6 pack of beer turned into a bottle of liquor. We picked up my roommates girlfriend (I warned her about our relapse before we picked her up, she said she didn't care to pick her up anyway) who was a h addict but also clean (we all went to the same rehab and met there or AA/NA rooms afterwards). When we got there to pick her up, she said "well, I got something to admit. I actually relapsed on h earlier today". In my mind I was already like "FUCK I already relapsed, I want some fucking h!!!" and needless to say the next morning, we went and got some h. That was a little over a year ago. I have had episodes of clean time in between, but as of the last 3 months or so have been heavy into my h addiction once again. I have started an IOP suboxone program in the last month, but after 3 - 7 days clean keep relapsing for 1 - 3 days before hopping back on the subs.
Sorry for the long story, kind of a very short autopsy of my addiction history since I am new here. There is a lot more I could add, and have even thought about writing my story into a book. I believe I am a very good writer (even though the story above I tried to make as technical as possible, adding no bias or emotion into it, thus maybe making it a boring read).
And the actual purpose I originally started to make this thread (haha)
The original reason I was even making this thread before I started to ramble my entire life's addiction story was: the side-effects I have noticed from heavy opiate use. Or I should say, the not so commonly talked about side-effects. So here we go!
I feel like before I started this thread, I had many more to add! I guess my mind got a little scattered, as this is the first time I have really told my entire story like this (and the first time I have ever used the internet to tell it). Maybe as time goes by I will remember the rest, and add them to this thread!
If anyone wants to comment on whether they agree or disagree with any of my points, feel free to due so! I would love to hear others opinions. I am very hardheaded, and very open minded (I know, oxymoron [I think?])
Sorry for the huge story to start the thread, it can probably be skipped complete for the point of this thread! But there nonetheless if anyone is interested enough to learn another suffering addicts story
Just a quick history background: started with a little hydrocodone found in parents pill cabinet, decided I really enjoyed it (was just a fairly big pothead at the time, 14/15/16 years old don't remember exact age), later through partying found OG80. Had a lot of money at the time because I was selling large amounts of high quality marijuana. Got a good connect, paying $25 - $35 per 80, sometimes as low as $10 - $15 when buying bulk when available. Easily flipped those as well, adding to the money I was already making. Quickly started using OC all the time, not really noticing a problem developing because my habit barely touched the money I was raking in. At the peak of my addiction with OC (16 years old) I was doing about 400 - 800mg per day of OC, depending on what was available and what I had to do that day. My OC connect got popped, they became harder to find and at higher prices, that didn't really stop my use. Then I remember the first time I got the evil, dreaded OP80s. Stopped using opiates all together due to this, had no withdrawals at all (maybe some psychological, but I don't remember any discomfort). I always heard people called the OCs "hillbilly heroin" so I started researching what OC really was, what heroin really was. Decided that they are both opiates, how much different can they be? Was very connected in the game, so was not difficult at all to find heroin connects, probably a month until I found my ultimate connect which has never been dry, only sometimes bad dope, but was always cool with me and treated it just like a legit business. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I was a little older, 18, when I decided to find my OC replacement, and decided it was going to be heroin. I also decided that since other people had such problems with OC, but I had no withdrawals or anything (and had always seemed to deal much better with drugs and responsible use than my peers around me, that h would not be a problem either). I was even higher up in the pot game at that time, easily making $10k+/week. So when I started doing h, I was probably getting a g everyday or two but only snorting, always saying I would never use needles (huge fear of them, I would get pale and almost pass out when I had to get my blood taken by doctors). Well, needless to say h quickly took over my life. I had fallen in love all over again (once before, with a girl who I was in a relationship for 3 or 4 years at this time, and was still currently in said relationship). Sadly, since I still have love for the girl and really think she would've been "the one" if it wasn't for my new found love for h, I stopped showing her the love I had in the past, and slowly started completely replacing her with h. I became distant from my family, my girlfriend, and most of my friends (unless they were beneficial financially to me, or were rich themselves and had a very nice place to do my new found love at). People were starting to notice I was too fucked up way too often, which was never as much a concern when it was OC. I tried to lie and say it was just OC, but everyone noticed a huge difference, and eventually figured out what was really going on due to rumors and people talking as they do. I eventually lost my girlfriend, got played by some people I trusted at the time (and was blinded by xanax and h, or I would never have trusted them the way I did) and lost 98% of all my money, and lost everyone I had some how kept in my life for even this long. But even with all of these problems, I continued to use. I tried suboxone maintenance, all that did was hold me over when I did not have my DOC, and then was easy to sell / trade for h. My addiction only got worse with the suboxone added into it, and my tolerance also skyrocketed. Eventually I did what I never said I would do, and used a needle. Was amazed at how much more efficient this ROA was, and quickly went from snorting/shooting every other time, to only shooting. I became very depressed, only one or two "friends" remaining and they were also both addicts who fed my habit. I did nothing all day. I sat at home, alone. The only thing I had left was the h. I finally broke down, reached out for help from family, and got sent to rehab. Best decision of my life, 30 days later I was clean and happier than ever. Decided not to move back home, and stay in California. It was a dream come true. Beautiful woman who all seemed to love me, probably because of the great energy I had when sober and complete confidence in the fact that I could now take on anything life could throw at me. Life was going great. I got an apartment with a friend (another addict I met in rehab, well alcoholic), had at least 3 - 5 beautiful girls to hangout with any time and other "benefits" but told them all I was not looking for a serious relationship, only friendship and fun. I was doing AA/NA/CA/CMA with up to 3 meetings a day. I loved being sober more than anything. I remember being happier than I had been in over 6 years. I was getting in very good physical shape and felt like super man in every way possible. Than I made the mistake that everyone warned me not to do, I "fell in love" with a girl who was also fresh out of rehab, an alcoholic. Our relationship very quickly grew. Too fast. I stopped communicating with all the other girls I made friendships with, and told them all I would no longer have sexual relationships with them due to my feelings for this girl. Well, needless to say we quickly became "girlfriend and boyfriend" and I was once again, or at least I thought, on top of the world, happier than I ever thought I could be. Well, I don't always do that great in relationships, maybe still somewhat inexperienced in real relationships; I do much better just as friends with benefits. I don't blame her, or the relationship, I only blame myself but what happened next should've been the sign I needed: I relapsed. I got depressed one night because I felt like the girl didn't love me the way I loved her, even if she said she did. I did not relapse on h, but drank some beer. My roommate decided to relapse with me. Quickly a 6 pack of beer turned into a bottle of liquor. We picked up my roommates girlfriend (I warned her about our relapse before we picked her up, she said she didn't care to pick her up anyway) who was a h addict but also clean (we all went to the same rehab and met there or AA/NA rooms afterwards). When we got there to pick her up, she said "well, I got something to admit. I actually relapsed on h earlier today". In my mind I was already like "FUCK I already relapsed, I want some fucking h!!!" and needless to say the next morning, we went and got some h. That was a little over a year ago. I have had episodes of clean time in between, but as of the last 3 months or so have been heavy into my h addiction once again. I have started an IOP suboxone program in the last month, but after 3 - 7 days clean keep relapsing for 1 - 3 days before hopping back on the subs.
Sorry for the long story, kind of a very short autopsy of my addiction history since I am new here. There is a lot more I could add, and have even thought about writing my story into a book. I believe I am a very good writer (even though the story above I tried to make as technical as possible, adding no bias or emotion into it, thus maybe making it a boring read).
And the actual purpose I originally started to make this thread (haha)
The original reason I was even making this thread before I started to ramble my entire life's addiction story was: the side-effects I have noticed from heavy opiate use. Or I should say, the not so commonly talked about side-effects. So here we go!
- Physical aging has been heavily slowed down due to use (looking around the age as when I started using, facial hair not getting any thicker than before I used heavily)
- Mental aging on the other hand has been heavily sped up, I sometimes feel like a 40 year old mentally while only being 22, and looking 18.
- Not getting sick (not counting dope sick, I mean like cold, flu, etc)
- Being much more social and confident in myself when I am clean (as well as sometimes obnoxiously social when using). I guess looking back I was always a social kid (very popular in high school (when I started selling weed, that definitely helped I am sure haha!), big partier, but never ran with the "popular cliques" even though they all knew who I was and tried to talk to me)
- Much more motivation at completing tasks (when clean; when using I have a lot of motivation to start tasks, but eventually say "fuck it" and don't really care about finishing what I started)
- Sex drive completely dead (thus leading to not really initiating conversations with females which leads to lowering self-esteem; when I get clean though the exact opposite: sex drive in overdrive, confidence to talk to every female, and usually with good results [in my opinion due to the confidence in myself])
I feel like before I started this thread, I had many more to add! I guess my mind got a little scattered, as this is the first time I have really told my entire story like this (and the first time I have ever used the internet to tell it). Maybe as time goes by I will remember the rest, and add them to this thread!
If anyone wants to comment on whether they agree or disagree with any of my points, feel free to due so! I would love to hear others opinions. I am very hardheaded, and very open minded (I know, oxymoron [I think?])
Sorry for the huge story to start the thread, it can probably be skipped complete for the point of this thread! But there nonetheless if anyone is interested enough to learn another suffering addicts story
