Opiate taper/Exercise journal

Branggen

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 18, 2013
Messages
796
Started tapering sometime early 2019 using oral morphine, from max dose of 100 mg methadone and about .25g fentanyl laced heroin daily (equiv to somewhere between 1000-1500 mg oral morphine). This had been going on for 5 or so years

In Jan 2019, for some reason I cannot remember I missed 3 consecutive days of my methadone pickup, canceling the prescription and requiring a dose reduction due to possible tolerance loss, even though I had been dosing at home with saved up methadone and heroin. When I went to get a new script I learned of a new substitution therapy using sustained release oral morphine (SROM), because of my 3 missed days at the pharmacy I was started low in comparison to the 100mg methadone, at 400mg morphine, this wouldn't hold me at all so of course I was taking methadone and or heroin to top up.

I came to the conclusion quickly though that spending money on heroin was a pretty dumb idea when I was getting morphine for free from the pharmacy. I got my morphine dose upped a small bit but over the past 2 weeks I had been working to get my tolerance down to where I would be okay on just the prescribed morphine. I was pretty excited I was getting morphine for free and that helped. I was around 500 mg morphine when I eventually found it in myself to stop buying the street drugs, crack and heroin, and got a job again. I had to take valium during the interview and the first few shifts to get past the anxiety, but after a few shifts I didn't need it anymore and I was feeling really good to be where I was, stable and at half the dose I was just 2 months prior, with a plan to keep on tapering, slowly. 10mg/2 weeks, usually

Fast forward a year to now and I am at 50mg, the taper from 500 to 350 took a month or 2 and from there I did something like 10mg every 2 weeks, which was smooth enough until about 150mg, and has since gotten a bit harder but I haven't really changed the schedule.

The date is now 04/18 and I am at 50mg daily, the last stretch I like to think and I want to try and keep a log of how I am feeling during the days, what I did and how I slept. Usually these days I dont get much sleep, am up by 5am almost every day but once Im up start feeling better, even though I dose in the evening.

Currently corona virus is going on and I am not working, not a problem for me though as I should be getting payed regardless and I always felt that working was the main thing in the way of my taper being sped up, so perhaps I can expedite it now, we shall see.

I know I am going slow but stopping opiates is a big change, and I dont think big changes often happen quickly, my advice for anyone who struggles to stop is to take it slow, remember you need to change your whole life, not just the fact that you take these substances.
 
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50mg
04/18 Too much weed in the morning, was feeling burnt out for a while. Went out and did some solo basketball then went for a 1 hour bike ride, had to force myself to get out. Took dose at 5pm, slept pretty good, till about 5AM

04/19 Smoked less this morning, 1 toke at 6AM and one at 10AM Played some basketball and biked again a bit shorter today, walked the cat for half a hour, he freaked out outside and escaped from the leash, Dosed at 2PM and slept well, till 7am

04/20 Woke feeling good I think I had a dream last night but cant really remember anymore, dreams are unusual for me currently. Smoked a lot of weed, went on a pretty long intense bike ride over 2 bridges to a friends place to smoke a bunch of weed and watch some youtube videos, drank a beer, pretty good day, might do some camping soon, sort of made plans. Dosed at 1PM felt withdrawals mid day due to the early dose the day before but its gone away now.

4/21 Went for a massive bike ride, lots of incline. over 51km distance and 323 meteres incline according to google maps. Stopped a few times, once for nearly an hour at the point before I turned around and had feet in the river. Was super intense and I think these endorphins will have me feeling fine for at least a couple days. Got a headache later but it went away after taking 4 tylenol and a bunch of cbd oil
April 22-25 Started raining around here and I smoked a lot of weed didn't get out much these days, kinda sucked, they boarded up the basketball hoop I had been using cause of covid but I found a new one so thats cool, it'll probably be boarded again soon though, if I cant find any Im thinking tennis against a wall

April 26 rest day, smoked some pot but not too much

April 27 went on another 50k bike ride, not as much elevation this time though wind was pretty brutal though, the days where I don't just sit around smoking pot are always better cause that shit just makes you feel burnt out by 1pm when you start smoking at 6-7am I think I am pretty used to my 50mg dose now but I may give it another week before going to 40, or 45 idk, just got some proper carries today too so I can pretty much take as little as I want, only have to go twice a week to pharmacy now!

April 28 went for a bike ride and a dip in the ocean, first time going up the hill by the beach

April 29 Insane workout today

April 30 Went to the cliffs and found a possible camping spot, arms are destroyed from the workout.
30mg at 1pm

May 1 Not going out today need to rest, got 100$ oz of weed yesterday which came with a free gram of shatter. Was up all last night
20mg at 3am,
10mg at 8am
20mg 4pm
 
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Dose reduction: 40mg

May 2 Starting to transition to a lower dose feels a bit crap and it will probably be that way for a week or so just gonna try and ignore/push through it

May 3 Biked down to the dyke and chilled there for a bit before doing some adjustments to my bike and then shopping, had a dragonfly just chilling on my arm for like a minute and I saw a fucking crow carrying a songbird, he put it down and I biked over to get a look
Pano from the dyke and that dragonfly
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This is the unfortunate bird that I saw a crow carrying through the air after it had put it down. So I guess crows eat these? Maybe its lost a food source from corornavirus?


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May 4-5 Went on some smaller bike rides just trying to keep the cardio and endorphins going as I have been feeling this reduction

May 6 Bit of a windy day but got out, Ive been riding all around town between parks and elementary schools looking for basketball hoops which aren't boarded up due to covid (some rebel has cut down the boarding) Usually if someone cuts down the boarding it is replaced in a week but Ive found one that has been good for 2 weeks, little far from home though. Found a new one today which is cool as the one which was only 10 min away got boarded back up
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May 7 I went out for a nice long ride today to the beach, lots of walking up and down forested hills to different beaches, some of which Ive never seen before, checked out an indian reserve and biked up a difficult hill (Marine drive) for the first time and spent a couple hours just walking up the beach around the point to where I could see the city, this was a very full great day. Probably did over 50km on the bike and hundreds of meters elevation
The first cool thing I saw today, with the original plate
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Then, almost ran over these guys with my bike


The walk down to the beach
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Cool shot of the stream rocks
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First beach I went to, pretty marshy
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Went down to this rocky beach and walked all the way down till I came around the bend and saw the city(2nd pic)
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May 8 Saw something pretty crazy today, went out to the cliff diving spot with 2 friends and after jumping in a few times saw some god damn orcas (killer whales)
The killer whales which we saw swimming around for maybe an hour, lots of cool blowhole sounds and breaching the surface


These 2 pics were also from the same day
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May 9 Got back to my friends place pretty late after getting home from the cliff spot last night so decided to stay there not wanting to bike home in the dark, went out to the beach mid day and walked around in the water, I think this was the warmest day yet but cloudy, later watched the UFC Ferguson vs. Gaethje, Ferguson is so damn tough. Weather supposed to get shitty so I might try to taper a bit more while im sort of stuck inside. We shall see

May 10 was home most of the day
 
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Dose reduction 30mg

May 11 Went for a bike to the beach, water was colder so didnt swim, saw some seals popping their heads out, after being on the beach for maybe 40 mins I went up into a more wooded area and read a couple chapters of Brave new world which I am starting to get into, figured I would try just 30mg today as I went for a long bike and that should give me a little bit of a residual endorphin boost I think

May 12 At home most of the day, feeling the reduction a bit but not worse than expected not to bad really so I took just 30mg again for the day
 
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Dose reduction 20mg basically skipped 30mg because Ive been feeling pretty confident and am really wanting to get to 10mg which might be the last step. I think all the exercise Ive been doing has enabled me to do this

May 13 Feel a bit worse, last night had the whole restless body thing where you just lay there flexing your muscles over and over because that's the most relieving thing there is, the days are much better though, it mainly sucks overnight and in the mornings, weed helps. In the evening I watched the ufc at a friends with a couple people and had some wine/tequila so im gonna try and take just 20mg today

May 14 Slept pretty good last night the alcohol probably helped but I feel decent even this morning considering I drank, decided to take some of that pre workout and just go as hard as I could on as many parts of my body as I could with the minor withdrawals I had, it felt pretty damn good that preworkout stuff works wonders, feel like I might hurt myself trying to push it too hard on that stuff sometimes. Trying to just take 20mg again today

May 15 Pretty crappy this morning, once I started feeling better went out to shoot the basketball around a bit then read some more of brave new world, after that on the bike back home I saw a different basketball court which earlier in the day had signs tied to/covering the hoops which had been cut down so I went to shoot the ball there. 25 mins later some guy pulls up onto the court with his truck angry about the signs and how someone got a 400$ fine that morning and it costs the city tons of money so I went on home after that, really felt the withdrawals this evening

May 16 Pretty rough night last night but pushed through without taking more and did get some sleep. I can feel my tolerance going down with all these withdrawals, going from 40 to 20 within 3 days has been pretty rough but im excited to be so low and managing so far, I often will feel bad for a period but I just try to smoke weed when that happens, and when I feel burnt out and like shit after smoking to much weed and still have withdrawals I call on all my willpower and force myself outside, for a small bike and to maybe shoot the basketball, the first step is the hardest but once I decide on doing it I usually feel much better. That was basically my day and I got home in the evening feeling alright, I think I might be already starting to adapt to the 20mg and just want to push through any issues as I know it gets better within like 2 weeks tops
 
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Dose reduc 10mg

May 17 Didn't take the morning dose today for the hell of it because last night was pretty decent, actually got a good bit of sleep but woke up feeling pretty shit at 5 or 6am , took an hour and some weed to fix that
 
Attempting 0mg

May 18 So Im trying out not taking anything today, another poster nznity gave me some hope that I could come off without much discomfort at this point so i'm gonna see how that goes, seems as the drop to 20mg wasn't as bas as expected.
Had a pretty rough night because I skipped that dose yesterday but got to sleep eventually so Im ready for the day. Did a pretty big bike ride today around 50k and lots of elevation (250m) figured that would help with any withdrawals that could come my way in the night, I did go swimming in the ocean mid way through the bike the water was nice today, great weather too, no problems with the dose yet but my pills are 24hr extended release so there is still a little bit from the previous days im sure and I haven't gone through the night yet either
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May 19 I survived last night getting a bit of sleep though it did suck. Crappy morning but I now feel kind of euphoric because I think I actually might be done with this shite. Played tennis against a wall in the morning, and basketball, rode bike to friends house, did a workout then went to the beach again tiring fuckin day.

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40mg fuckup
May 20 Last night was really tough, thought about taking a 10mg morphine ER but instead took 10mg valium, something its been a year since Ive taken, along with some weed. I guess it isnt gonna be quite as easy as I hoped but the valiums got me through the night with some sleep. Woke up feeling shitty as per usual so got out of bed asap, stocks were doing good this morning so that's a little boost of energy. Got up at like 6 and its now almost 9 and still feel kinda shitty, hopefully more weed can do the trick. Did a hard workout in the morning wasnt sure i could but I knew i would be suffering just sitting around. Unfortunately in the evening I had to take my dose at the pharmacy today (still scripted but haven't been taking) and instead of pouring the morphine beads into a cup where i could easily just not drink them and toss the cup, they made me take the pills themselves, so I basically had to swallow. So yea ended up taking 40mg today which really sucked because of that when i got home I actually tried throwing up sticking my fingers in my throat but I didnt see much in the way of beads come out ah well im sore from the workouts and 40mg shouldn't be too much probably haver a few shittier days after that though. I think I may have to end my script cause I cant be taking doses twice a week
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Back down to 0mg

May 21 So the 40mg was quite a bit for me and knocked me out pretty good for the night, woke up pretty annoyed at the situation and how sedated I was, this shit lasts 24hrs too so Ive got another 12 or so hours of it before it really starts wearing off, so yea that was a mistake, learned from that one. I didnt even enjoy the feeling, was just annoyed at the lost progress and what caused it. Bought some weed in the morning, northern lights. I worked out later in the day, third day in a row of a proper workout, it was actually harder with all that morphine in me, I almost threw up when I took the preworkout drink but as I went on it got better. By the night I felt some withdrawals

May 22 Woke feeling pretty crappy, the day was pretty crappy as well I went shopping in the morning on the bike but nothing after that

May 23 Had to take 5mg valium at 4am cause I still hadn't slept till then, I should have taken it earlier but wanted to see if I could sleep without it first so now I still feel it a bit in the morning, also feel pretty bad withdrawals, not sure if its because of the 40 I took 3 days ago setting me back or if I had just hadnt yet got to the worst of it from the 3 clean days before that. Did an arm workout today because I was just feeling so shitty I had to do exercise just to fight it off.

May 24 Had to take 5mg valium to get to sleep last night, haven't been feeling to great since Ive come down from that 40mg dose on the 20th, I hope that will pass. Over the past 6 days I only took any opiates one of the days.

May 25 Last night I actually managed to sleep a bit without any valium though who knows if I still have some left in me from the previous night, this will be day 5 since taking opiates. Played tennis against a wall then worked out, swent to bed without taking anything

May 26 Didnt sleep that great but withdrawals seem to be subsiding, I still think that 40mg was a pretty big setback, since then I havent felt as good. Got some activity in today the weather was kind of nice.
 
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Week 2 No opiates (haven't done this since I started using fentanyl/heroin 6 years ago) Im 22 now
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May 27 Was really achy from the workout 2 days ago so that made it pretty hard to sleep but I think things are getting better from here, shot bball and read in the morning then biked to friends to do a bit of a workout. 1 week down

May 28 Tennis, workout, bit of withdrawals at night, I think just sore from exercise mainly

May 29 Went out to the cliff jumping spot for the day

May 30 Played tennis in the morning and smoked weed the rest of the day cause it was raining so bad, wasn't that great a day, I need to get out even if its raining. Also bought a piece I needed to start vaping weed I want to get my lungs in better shape.

May 31 My lungs kinda feel like shit because I went a little to hard on the pot the past few days, and today. I think I need to start going for really long bike rides again, they really help fill the day. Recently Ive been hitting a tennis ball against a wall or shooting a basketball but not for long enough I get bored or tired and go home and smoke weed.

June 1 Had a bit of an uncomfortable night, but first thing in the morning (after a couple tokes unfortunately) I went out to do some tennis and stayed out for 2 hours or so which was pretty good, got a bit of reading in too, brave new world is a sick book

June 2 Couldnt really sleep last night, I usually sleep with my arm under my pillow but its starting to hurt my shoulder so Im attempting to just lay on my back, though its weird and uncomfortable as hell. Got outta bed before 5am and went for a jog/walk down to the park, jogging is tough as hell, totally different than biking, I used to be a good runner too but I can barely jog for 5 minutes now, worked out later in the day and ate a bunch
 
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1 Week no opiates (haven't done this since I started using fentanyl/heroin 6 years ago) Im 22 now
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May 27 Was really achy from the workout 2 days ago so that made it pretty hard to sleep but I think things are getting better from here, shot bball and read in the morning then biked to friends to do a bit of a workout. 1 week down

May 28 Tennis, workout, bit of withdrawals at night, I think just sore from exercise mainly

May 29 Went out to the cliff jumping spot for the day

May 30 Played tennis in the morning and smoked weed the rest of the day cause it was raining so bad, wasn't that great a day, I need to get out even if its raining. Also bought a piece I needed to start vaping weed I want to get my lungs in better shape.
You're super young man, in about 2 weeks you'll feel almost recovered. It's a good thing that you're working out and maintaing yourself active, that helps you recover so much faster. I'm on day 17 myself but i'm a lazy bastard and still feel somewhat lethargic haha
 
You're super young man, in about 2 weeks you'll feel almost recovered. It's a good thing that you're working out and maintaing yourself active, that helps you recover so much faster. I'm on day 17 myself but i'm a lazy bastard and still feel somewhat lethargic haha
Man I feel lethargic as hell to, especially in the mornings, or if I smoke weed nonstop which sometimes happens when its rainy or just feel really crappy for whatever reason. In a way now that im feeling a bit better I dont feel the urge to go out as much because when I was sick I just couldn't sit around I had to do something, still trying to force myself though. Pretty sure the whole recovery thing is gonna come in waves, and everytime it gets bad I just plan to think about when its gonna get good again.
 
. Pretty sure the whole recovery thing is gonna come in waves, and everytime it gets bad I just plan to think about when its gonna get good again.
Oh hell fucking yeah, withdrawals aren't linear. You can feel like you're improving one second and then BAM, you start sneezing again, yawning or minor aches. That kinda shit gets into your thoughts aswell. That's why it is so god damn hard to quit this shit. I always clean my act up and at the 3 week mark when i feel better i start rationalizing, "just once". That once turns into 2, then i start wding again and i'm fucked. This time i don't have the money, the time, or any other option really. I'm not in a spot to be actively using, they would kick me out of my house if i put a needle into my arm right now. Thank god for that, tomorrow i'ma start exercising too. I feel most of my energy is back by now, the only thing that is bothering me really is the insomnia. I'm only sleeping on average 5 hrs every night. Oh Well lil by lil mate, we'll get there eventually.
 
Oh hell fucking yeah, withdrawals aren't linear. You can feel like you're improving one second and then BAM, you start sneezing again, yawning or minor aches. That kinda shit gets into your thoughts aswell. That's why it is so god damn hard to quit this shit. I always clean my act up and at the 3 week mark when i feel better i start rationalizing, "just once". That once turns into 2, then i start wding again and i'm fucked. This time i don't have the money, the time, or any other option really. I'm not in a spot to be actively using, they would kick me out of my house if i put a needle into my arm right now. Thank god for that, tomorrow i'ma start exercising too. I feel most of my energy is back by now, the only thing that is bothering me really is the insomnia. I'm only sleeping on average 5 hrs every night. Oh Well lil by lil mate, we'll get there eventually.
Yea I think Ill be able to do pretty good fighting the "just once" aspect because I have failed experiences with that sort of thing. Also I have a year clean from actual street drugs so to go back to that Id have to be in a pretty terrible place, having that year of controlled scripted morphine use between abusing street drugs and sobriety helped with that aspect, though I do have pretty large amounts of morphine now sitting around. Thankfully Im pretty disgusted by most street drugs, and pretty much opiates in general now, not to say a morphine high wouldn't be nice now and then but still, fuck that stuff is how I see it now. When I took that 40mg after being clean for 3 days it didnt feel good at all so im trying to hold onto that feeling, I was so annoyed I set myself back and had to deal with more withdrawals.

In the end it does just suck, but what sucks more is being addicted, a lot more. So what choice do I have but to just endure, there are worse things in this world, im not getting fucking stabbed over and over, in fact im actually healing, so yea fuck the drugs I just do things that are hard to do every day because I know its gonna be hard regardless, and pushing myself in the first half of the day makes the 2nd half pretty much a breeze. Every day is one day further from that lifestyle regardless of it being a hard or easy day, so yea if we keep looking up theres thats where we'll go.

Personally, if every day for the rest of my life was gonna be a struggle, fuck it its better than being a friendless, trustless junky. Im willing to suffer a bit to feel. I know the hardest part is gonna be keeping the consistent attitude, and for consistency personally I turn to god because I don't know if anything else would work. I think there is a lot more to life than we can comprehend anyway, so a belief in the supernatural I think keeps me sort of healthier, and more excited about the good things in life
 
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Hey man,
Thank you for all the time you have put inhere, and all of your honesty !!
I am on day "ONE" of No opiates, and it does suck a little.
Gabipentin is helping
Imodium is helping
I have a vape pen with weed if I need it?
I do have access to ambion, instant and ER
so I love your last paragraph ......................Yes this is unplesent, but "Better than the alternative"......... ADDICTION!!!
 
Hey man,
Thank you for all the time you have put inhere, and all of your honesty !!
I am on day "ONE" of No opiates, and it does suck a little.
Gabipentin is helping
Imodium is helping
I have a vape pen with weed if I need it?
I do have access to ambion, instant and ER
so I love your last paragraph ......................Yes this is unplesent, but "Better than the alternative"......... ADDICTION!!!
Hey, thank you. I like to think the quote, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right" is true so you can definately succeed if you have the right mindset. Id definately be interested to know how it goes with you, you could start a post? Feel free to message me any time
 
Start of week 3 of no opiates

June 3 Barely slept, still trying to sleep on my back which is very weird, got out of bed at 5am and tried doing some stretching/yoga, then went for a walk through the fire lanes of my apt building, saw a racoon. Felt so shitty by mid day I ended up forcing myself to go workout with friends, I think the social interaction makes a big difference too

June 4 Couldnt sleep again for the third night in a row so I took 5mg valium and it did the trick, met up with an old friend from highschool later in the day which was great, I havent seen a lot of people in years I pretty much used drugs on my own for the most part so my social skills fell off a cliff, starting to remember how to act lol. Still the usual withdrawal symptoms that hit me in the evening/mornings the worst: lazy, achey and cold.

June 5 Got some sleep last night though I felt like I was tossing and turning all night I know I got some, I really ought to try and take that preworkout earlier in the day or something. Felt crappy in the morning as per usual, but it was a bit better this morning, smoked weed and tried doing yoga, thats gonna be my new thing I think. Later in the day I went for a long bikeride to the beach in the city over, water was too cold to swim for me today. Oh yea earlier in the day I was trynna give myself a haircut and fucked up taking a chunk off nearly down to the skin so I had to buzz it all, very different lol.

June 6 Still waking up feeling crappy but its getting easy enough to push through, did yoga, smoked a bunch of weed, played tennis, went shopping, smoked more weed, I usually play video games when I get high, or watch youtube, got to cut back on the weed though next.

June 7 Didnt sleep that well but in the morning I didnt want to get up so was laying around till 8 or 9am which is late for me. Did some yoga. Gonna go camping tmrw so getting shit together

June 8-11 I went camping and had a good time, didn't really feel much in the way of withdrawals while out
 
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i'm approaching week 4 and still yawning a lil bit but i got most of my energy back. The hyperalgesia is gone aswell and my mood is getting better.
 
i'm approaching week 4 and still yawning a lil bit but i got most of my energy back. The hyperalgesia is gone aswell and my mood is getting better.
Nice, nice, my energy is pretty shit but I get a bit of it back when I just start moving. For me I still have pretty bad chills a lot of days, especially the mornings
 
Well we are on day 3, No opiates
Fell like shit, But Happy!:)
Started a little work out 10 minutes on the rowing machine:sick:
Off to meeting
thanks
Good shit man keep me updated!

Feel free to keep a log in here if you want anyone
 
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