Opiate induced heteroflexibility

[bmasseur]

I am male, pansexual and all about open-relationships.

I have a friend who is straight and comfortably open with his sexuality and being platonically intimate with other men. Also into open-relationships.

We have been friends for around 6-7 years

We recently started smoking heroin together on occasion about two years ago. (he doesn't smoke heroin with other people, just me; I smoke heroin with other people on occasion)

A few months ago, while both of us were high on heroin, he cuddled up to me and we started getting very physically intimate in a very non-platonic way. Then, once he sobered up, he was no long physically comfortable with being intimate with another guy. I am the only other guy he has been physically intimate with in a non-platonic way.

We didn't mess around or really talk about it for a couple weeks. Then a few weeks after, we discussed it while sober and he said he was just closer to me than anyone else and we had a special kind of relationship, but physically he wasn't comfortable with being intimate with another guy and the opiates just seemed to break down that border for him.

A couple weeks after that I was smoking heroin in front of him and he decided to join me and instantly started feeling physically drawn to me again. Over the next month or so we got high together a ton of times and got extremely physically intimate in almost every way possible, short of screwing each other because he hasn't felt comfortable crossing the boundary of anal penetration.

We discussed our feelings for each other at length and came to the conclusion that we love each other, but the fact that he is straight creates a physical boundary for him that only opiates seem to break down. (and potentially some other drugs, which I may get into later)

He still hooks up with a few different girls on a weekly to daily basis and I hook up with other guys on a weekly basis and also some girls everyone once in a while (every couple months or so, I am more into guys than girls)

So both of us have our sexual and relationship needs met completely independent of our relationship with each other.

Then after about 5-6 weeks of hooking up with each other, we stopped letting the regular opiate usage screw with our lives and we both got clean and haven't hooked up with each other sense (although we still chill a few times a week, so we see each other).

We have resolved to do opiates and hook up a few times a year in the future but for the most part keep the heroin out of our lives because we could easily fall back into the habit of just getting high and hooking up with each other day after day.


Now not sure how much experience anyone has with 3-meo-pcp (a research chem) or GHB, but these are two other drugs we also do recreationally from time to time (not just him and I, but all of our friends) and sometimes when we have been fucked up on those drugs my friend has snuggled up to me for some physical intimacy.

Never on MDMA or psychedelics has he expressed physical desires towards me. Only on drugs that seem to cause some sense of physical dissociation.



So I'm wondering if anyone has any kind of similar experiences they might be able to reflect on?

For anyone who knows about being in love with a best friend and who has read of the lucky few who have been able to forge intimate relationships with their straight best friends of the same sex, you know how rewarding and amazing the experience can be. Both my friend and I are interested in growing this relationship but the use of opiates definitely has an inhibitory effect on trying to foster our connections (what with the cost and how it fucks you up for a couple days after using to get it out of your system).

We have considered trying to explore the physical connection further on 3-meo-pcp or GHB, but would be greatly curious to know if anyone else has similar experiences? Advice? Thoughts? Thanks.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

If you're having sex with each other then he is not heterosexual, or straight. Hetero-flexible and pansexual are just other terms for being bisexual.

Why not have sex and intimacy with each other sober, and not on drugs?

 

[bmasseur]

If you're having sex with each other then he is not heterosexual, or straight. Hetero-flexible and pansexual are just other terms for being bisexual.

Sure. I think the distinction between pansexual and bisexual is semantic

bisexual and heteroflexible are two very different things though. Bisexuals are attracted to other men. Heteroflexible guys are not attracted to men but are open to relationships with guys who they are very close to; definitely a specific case basis.

We aren't having sex. To get specific, we were making out, humping, fooling around with each others junk, I sucked him a few times, he didn't suck me, we slept together a lot. We've orgasmed together a bunch of times.

Why not have sex and intimacy with each other sober, and not on drugs?

I would be down obviously because I hook up with guys. My friend does not hook up with guys and is not attracted to guys so when he is sober there is no physical desire from him. We have tried cuddling and stuff while sober after getting clean but he is pretty physically uncomfortable with it. We have talked about it pretty openly. It just feels weird for him.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Have you tried having sex with each other while on MDMA or even just cannabis? Some people get very cuddly on those drugs.

 

[My3sons]

I'd have to say he just isn't comfortable admitting it to himself or others yet. I don't understand why people claim to be straight yet fool around with the same sex. You can be bi and still have a preference. My brother was gay but would fuck a woman if no men were around. So technically he was bi but preferred men.

 

[Grinders Kiefers]

I'd have to say he just isn't comfortable admitting it to himself or others yet.

Bingo. In my opinion, you and/or him are complicating things with the labels you identify with. I think the issue is pretty simple - your friend is disinhibited, less anxious, etc. when high, so feels comfortable being sexual/intimate, but hasn't fully accepted this part of himself, so doesn't want to engage in that activity when sober.

 

[bmasseur]

Have you tried having sex with each other while on MDMA or even just cannabis? Some people get very cuddly on those drugs.

Never on MDMA or psychedelics has he expressed physical desires towards me. Only on drugs that seem to cause some sense of physical dissociation.

We smoke weed 4-5/7 days a week. No physical intimacy.

I'd have to say he just isn't comfortable admitting it to himself or others yet. I don't understand why people claim to be straight yet fool around with the same sex. You can be bi and still have a preference. My brother was gay but would fuck a woman if no men were around. So technically he was bi but preferred men.

Obviously he isn't comfortable admitting to himself how he feels about the situation. The more we hook up, the more comfortable he gets. We are definitely bridging a gap here.

As far as him being bi, or getting caught up with the labels, the labels don't really matter and him and I don't often discuss anything in terms of labels... here is the important distinction: he is not and has never been attracted to any other males. He is attracted to women and him and I share a special connection.

If people want to call that bi for simplicity, sure, but it isn't like he is going to become more accepting of his emotions and all of a sudden be attracted to guys and girls because he doesn't feel emotions that attract him to guys that he is trying to suppress or something. And to say that it is black and white and everyone experiences this the same way would just be ignorant.

A short time exploring peoples experiences in the LGBT community will reveal thousands of people who have had same sex intimate relationships with straight people; straight people who, for the rest of their lives never had any other same sex relationships or desires. If you had talked at length with any of these people about their emotions and experience you would know that there is an unarguable difference between people who are attracted to the same sex and people who have the capacity to have relations with the same sex despite physical attractions.

Not that I care how you want to label my friend, but to say that he is bi and just has to learn to accept his emotions and attractions to other men isn't helpful in any way because it isn't true. I've been through that exact scenario more than once with people, and this is distinctly different because this friend has no feelings towards the same sex.

I'm bi with a preference. I also don't care if the person I'm with is transsexual or a eunuch, which is what a lot of people would consider the distinction between pansexual and bisexual (with bisexuals only being attracted to men and women). But again, the labels and ego distinction are irrelevant. Some people are attracted to both sexes, some people only have attractions towards one sex but are comfortable enough not to suppress or reject feelings that develop between them and someone of the same sex.

Bingo. In my opinion, you and/or him are complicating things with the labels you identify with. I think the issue is pretty simple - your friend is disinhibited, less anxious, etc. when high, so feels comfortable being sexual/intimate, but hasn't fully accepted this part of himself, so doesn't want to engage in that activity when sober.

Yeah, I'm with you 100% there. So knowing that, how is the best way to go forward? Right now, as I see it, if we continue to get high every couple months, over the next few years he will get slight more and more comfortable with everything, but is that all it is destined to be? A few times a year, we get high and hook up? Is it worth trying to bridge the gap with more types of intoxicants?


Like you say he hasn't full accepted that part of himself; if we are just hanging out a couple times a week (not getting high on opiates) there is no change in his level of acceptance. The subject doesn't come up. Again, it isn't like there are other guys he is attracted to. So is the best approach, slow and steady, just patiently get high and see how his comfort levels open up?