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Opiate hell

Cherrysoduh

Cherrysoduh

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 14, 2015
Messages
26
Location
The Dirty South
Ahhhhh where to begin. I've always been the one to experiment. Started smoking pot at 13. Did that off and on till around 19. At 18 I went on a year long extacy binge. Which was great. Traveling hours away from home to go to "raves" and party all night long. Super fun times. I got a government job and moved away from my hometown for about 4 years. I smoked some pot and did some E here and there during that time. I moved back home. About 2 years after moving back home I dabbled in coke for about a year. Using about half a gram to half an eight ball a night.....at least 5 nights a week. I quit that fine.

Somewhere around about 8 years ago I started messing with opiates. First lortab and percs. Mostly on the weekends. About a year after that I moved on to dilaudid, roxys, and the good old opanas that were still crushable. I sniff all my opiates....other than the tabs and percs or if it is a oxy OP. For the last 2 years I have been doing roxys at least 6 days a week. There have been times I hadn't been able to get anything and was without.

1 year ago I was introduced to heroin. I didn't want to do it at first because I was nervous. All the horror stories of not really knowing what is in heroin or how much. With the pills you at least know what and how much you are taking. Long story short I did it. I sniff the H.....no IVing. I haven't done H in about two weeks.....but was on a pretty big binge for awhile there. 0.5g a day. Which isn't cheap in my neck of the woods. Blew alot of money over the last 2 years. And like many others don't have anything to show for it.

In the last 2 years my longest time clean was about 1 week. Only because my significant other and I were fighting and they wouldn't get me anything. They are my main contact for anything. I can't go out and get anything on my own. They have been on methadone treatment for about 2 years but still uses daily.

So I am I guess on day 1 of cold turkey. Trying my hardest to not cave. I had one 15mg roxy yesterday left over from Saturday night. It's amazing how just that little tiny bit can keep me straight.....whether it is a 15mg roxy or a 30mg roxy, whatever we can get our hands on. I didn't sleep well last night, been laid on out on the couch all day. Sweating, cold, diarrhea earlier, achey, restless, feel like I want to jump off the couch but when I stand I have no energy.

I've lost 30 pounds over the last year or so. I'm still at a "normal" weight but on me it doesn't look good. This is from not eating and chain smoking cigarettes when high.
I am a functional addict. I go to work, unless I didn't get any drugs and am too sick to go. I am a professional working person. I took a week off to try and get straight.

The nearest methadone clinic is over an hour away. It's impossible for me to get there and get to my job on time. Plus, as much as I feel like crap I'm not sure if that is the road I want to go. I'm curious about Suboxone....do they usually give you more than 1 at a time unlike methadone?

Also, obviously if my partner doesn't get completely clean it will be impossible for me too. I know they will come home from work tonight with some pills. Happens every night. Has anyone dealt with trying to get clean while a partner almost refuses too??

Thanks for listening.. I mean reading. Also, noone knows of my habit. Not one person and I prefer not to talk to family and friends about it.

It may be important to note what my normal roxy dose is a day. It's around 100mg to 150mg and on days not getting roxys I was doing 0.5g of heroin... at least 6 days a week. Like I said I haven't touched the heroin in almost 2 weeks.

Also, important to note. My significant other and I have been together for 15 years off and on. He says he wants to quit ....but I honestly do not see any real attempts or intentions on his part. Realizing that we blew threw 12k of pills and dope in less than 2 months is a real eye opener. The money was from a cashed out retirement plan.....from changing jobs.
 
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Its impossible practically to get clean while the other one isnt. Havent seen it yet. Please take care of yourself first. Dont waste your life waiting for him.
And IMO that is not the worst of it. Even if one of you does manage to be clean, its not a relationship to be in. A person using and the sober one have totally different motivations, lifestyle, plans, priorities, tempo of life, energy. It doesnt mix. Best solution is either both sober (which is still difficult, two addicts living together, it doesnt usually work out despite all the plans of how "we'll support each other") or the better one, you leave and dont come back until youre both sober 6 months.

And methadone can be nasty. Though some ppl swear by it that it helped them tremendously. But I think the better option is, if you can get it, morphine sulfate capsules extended release (ER). Very easy to switch from H or oxy and to taper down.
 
Thank you for your reply. I know in my heart like alot of people do when they are in toxic relationships that the only way out is by me leaving. Although, I am considered a "professional" the area I live in rent is very expensive. My take home pay after taxes, retirement, and insurances is rather meek. It is totally doable, I left and got my own place for 6 months about 2.5 years ago. It was tough but I scrabed by every month.

For some reason he always lures me back in. The promises of things changing, yadda yadda ya. It's kinda a sick twisted codependent type of relationship. When I am sober I realize this.....but the opiates tend to skew things.

I maybe able to get my hands on some morphine ER. I know I can get oxy OPs. As when it's dry around town, I can always get my hands on some 80mg oxycotins. Ambian too, although it never seems to help that much. Today is Monday and I don't go back to work until the following Monday. I have made it as far as day 2 around evening time before. Sometimes I wonder if it is more psychological than anything else. The act of actually doing the pills.

If I were to do a taper working with 80mg oxy OPs or 15mg roxys. Which would be more effective? I know I should bite the bullet and suffer it out. I've lived the last 2 years of my life revolving around opiates. When I could get, when could I use, when my lunch break was and if I had enough time to run across town to pick some up. Then when I'm high.....I pretty much sit in the house, smoke cigarettes, watch law and order, play on Internet. I use to be a fairly fun and active person. I have always been a bit of a introvert BUT I had friends. I did things with them. I had real hobbies. Now I don't even get out of bed in the morning without sniffing an opiate. I'm sorry for rambling. I tend to do that on the internet. Out of all the drugs I have done whew opiates are no joke trying to get off of. I've actually read this board for years.
 
Hey there missie !!
Just quickly , I'd say last week should have been " ween down time " .... You are already in your week off work , so make it count !!
You will convince yourself into taking more than you need if you are in a weening state of mind now and before you know it , it will be Saturday and you'll be wishing you'd used the week you had better ( at least in my exp. ; ) make the week you have count !! Be sick , it will be very flu like and let it be - yes a lot of it is mental and it's usually not near as bad as we build it up in our heads to be. Take like 1/2 a 15 or get some loperamide - but just be sick for the week ( and really realize that "super friggin' fun time" is over )..... Then come sunday you'll be coming around and 1/2 or a cpl. Lope WILL be enough to be back to work/life ..... But MAKE THESE DAYS COUNT ! Set up shop on the couch and watch reruns of fresh prince of belair , comedy movies .... Gatoraid , easy protein like Greek yogurt or ? Just don't wake up sunday disappointed !!
The relationship ..... Just be honest and ask for help/support and let him know that if you sober up and he isn't even trying that eventually you will resent it too much ( which you will ) - it will be a test for sure , he'll come around if you mean the world to him , right ? If not , well .... By then w/ your clear head , you'll be able to realize you deserve to mean the world to someone ; )

Don't disappear , let's hear how your week is going ..... Be an inspiration to someone reading and following your recovery !!
 
I can relate to your story almost word for word. Never had any trouble with anything until the pills. Uggh l feel for you. I wouldn't wish opiate addiction on my worst enemy. I credit Suboxone for helping me stop using H. I also could never nor would l want to go to a methadone clinic everyday. Who has time for that. Sub's are also very, very easy to find from friends, which is what l did. I can't have anything on record concerning addiction due to work/licensing reasons. As far as your relationship is concerned, your sobriety is more.important. Good luck.
 
Good Morning everyone,

I took half a 15mg roxy last night and I still have the other half. I just got out of the shower and feel better than yesterday. But, I did take that half a 15mg and as stupid as it sounds it made me feel a little better last night. How could 7.5mg make someone feel better when I have such a bigger habit.

I agree I should have started last week. But I wanted one last hoorah. I am glad that people can relate and I can relate to others. But sad that so many people are fighting the same battle.

As far as my symptoms this morning. Diarrhea and cramps almost as soon as waking up. Yay! When standing in the shower I felt like I just wanted to sit down, no energy whatsoever. But, after getting out of the shower I felt so much better.

Last night before I took that half it was still tough. Irritable, mad at myself, mad at the world, I took about 5 baths but could barely even stand them because they got too hot. I was up pretty late, even though the half helped I still had insomnia. I did sleep okay. Woke up freezing cold but the temp dipped here last night and the house was cold.

I am making my self go run some errand this afternoon and am running some laundry. Folding it will be a battle. But that has always been a battle! Haha

As I suspected he did come home with some last night but I only took the one from him. I plan on having the talk at the end of the week. Hopefully, I will be less emotional. Right now I do not feel like I can have the you gotta do this to or else talk without losing it.

I have toyed with the Suboxone idea. I am afraid to go to the clinic because of who I may see there and my career. It isn't a state run clinic but still I have credentials that I could lose if my dirty secret gets out. You know how people are, tell a friend, who tells a friend they saw you and it's all down hill from there. Although, I have heard of other people being seen there who are in the same career and even higher up than myself. I'm not one to spread other people's business.

I hope everyone has a good day and when I get back I plan on replying to some of the other posts and reading some more. Misery loves company eh? Reading others struggles is almost therapeutic to me in a way.

One last question and I apologize for rambling again. You should see when I text Someone it can turn out to be a book as well. Haha. I have read the Thomas recipe and some other suggestions as far as low energy. Has anyone tried an antidepressant for this? Or what works best for you as far as trying to get a tiny bit of energy to get moving when you don't have a choice? I have a family outing coming up Friday and want to seem normal. Or at least not like a bump on a log.
 
Cherrysoduh said:
Has anyone tried an antidepressant for this? Or what works best for you as far as trying to get a tiny bit of energy to get moving when you don't have a choice? I have a family outing coming up Friday and want to seem normal. Or at least not like a bump on a log.
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Zoloft worked for me very well. Usually took it for a week or two after stopping. Very little. Like half of the 25mg (i think it was that, the smallest one available).
 
Have u gave Kratom a shot?.also gabapentin works great too for low energy and pain relief, always gave me an extra boost at work since I do a lot of physical labor..just something to take for a week and do a quick taper..have a good day!! %)
 
I have never taken Krantom. So not sure if it would work for me. How does it make you feel? This maybe a silly question but is it like pot as in the feeling?

Im pretty sure I can get the gabapentin.

So symptoms for the rest of the day. I managed to eat some dinner. Yay! Everything is disgusting right now. Even cigarettes. sneezing, runny nose, no upset stomach again, but that tends to be in the morning for me anyways. Body aches, and still just feel like standing up takes soooooo much energy. Ran some errands, did some small things around the house. Now I've been on the couch for a few hours.

Dreading trying to sleep. Luckily I have no commitments tomorrow so I can try and sleep some tomorrow because I know it ain't happening tonight. The restlessness or anxiety type feeling is the absolute worse for me. Of course the diarrhea and cramping. After like 2 years of opiate constipation which sucks on its own, the diarrhea in the morning.....phew!

I still have that half of a 15mg. Saving it in case of emergency.

Thank you again for all the replies and help
 
If you have a week off of work, I'd take advantage of it and not do anything to prolong the withdrawal. Loperamide can work very nice as a quick taper (and is very cheap) just make sure to not do a ridiculous high dose as the withdrawals from it can be nasty. Taking 20 pills on day 1, 12 on day 2, 9 on 3, 6 on 4, then finish at 3 seemed to help take the edge off nicely without prolonging anything.

Even just being friends with someone who uses can cause many relapses, living with someone who does is even worse. Dating and living with them though is definitely setting yourself up for disaster. I get the shitty spot that puts you in, but does your own life along with your family and friends matter more to you than he does?
 
If you think you can get gabbapentin , I would get some for sure .... I used solely that when I kicked oxy ~2 yrs ago and it really is almost like cheating , I felt better coming off than I ever ever thought possible - I've never tried the lope but ppl swear by it , but honestly , if you can get gabba you will be amazed at how good you feel !!
 
And wake up happily sick tomorrow ! You just did a day w/ 1/2 of one !! Do it again , feel like shit , but be happy you do - because it will be Wednesday already and you need to get these super shitty days done & behind you , next week will be here before you know it .....

So don't friggin give in just bc you know where there's an extra 1/2 of one somewhere - - nap , read a book , go outside , to the bathtub - but fight the feeling and hang in there. You DO have enough days to get over the hump - just get thru them without cheating yourself
 
Yeah, one of the worst things in your immediate future would be screwing up now when you have the time to kick then feel like you gotta go back on the pills so you're not sick at work.

Hang in there! Day 3 or 4 is normally when I start to feel some major improvement, then the euphoria from knowing it's ending is enough to keep you going. Feels almost like getting a brain transplant lol.
 
You can go to a Sub Doc out of your immediate area. I didn't have trouble finding them from friends because most people who get them prescribed just trade or sell them for drugs. I know everyone is different, but Suboxone worked amazingly well for me and the most l ever used was 8mg a day and l quickly tapered down to 2mg and maintained there for awhile. Just keep trying and you will find what works for you.
 
I vote for neurontin as well; helped the legs and helps to feel more 'normal'. I also heard a big dose of multivitamins ( they're in the Thomas recipe, especially potassium.) I know you want to be careful of these, but Valium helps as well.

Best wishes; I know you have some tough choices coming up, but at least they're yours, and you have the foresight to stop now, and say, I have already come so far. I can choose my future, and not make it one of those times when you look back and say, if only I had...

Cheering for you!
 
Hi. I am trying so hard to get off these damn pills. Um at least 6-8 years of using something everyday. All i have is gabapentin and ambien. Iam going to try to get some ultram today but if i cant then i am just scared to death. I just want to feel good. Hopefully thr gaba makes a difference. I got little kids im a single mom. Just trying to get clean. Any suggestions would be greatful. Thanks friends.
 
MomGettingOfftheSh said:
Hi. I am trying so hard to get off these damn pills. Um at least 6-8 years of using something everyday. All i have is gabapentin and ambien. Iam going to try to get some ultram today but if i cant then i am just scared to death. I just want to feel good. Hopefully thr gaba makes a difference. I got little kids im a single mom. Just trying to get clean. Any suggestions would be greatful. Thanks friends.
Click to expand...

Force yourself to ween as much as you can ( self controll !!) and start taking some of the gaba. ..... Really no shit , gaba will make it surprisingly more than bearable - between that and just how much your mind has you freaked of how bad it will be vs. how it is ....... You are scared to shit and seeing pure hell coming , pls. Believe me - you will be ok , really !
Just ween with all your power for as long as you need to and take the gaba - you will start to notice how well you feel as you ween , then up the GABA as needed and space your opi use out and just step off - don't freak yourself out , you are a single mom and that takes more strength than this will !!
 
Thank you so much for your encouragement. That gaba does seem to help. I think my mind is screwing with me telling me its too hard you cant do it. But Physically i feel ok. I will just keep up with gaba, immodium, and the few ativan i have left. I also have wellbutrin but im not sure if i should take it or not. Thanks again, your kind words made me feel not so alone.
 
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