TMoney11111
Bluelighter
Hello Bluelighters, I have not written on here in quite some time so bare with me if this report is not in perfect order. I'd like to share the experience I've had in the past year with opiates, and focus on one experience in particular that took place tonight. I am an experienced user however my natural tolerance has always been low to mild, I have never shot up, I have tried heroin nasally once and didn't like it too much, I prefer opiates that give me an energetic feeling, which for me are Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, and Hydromorphone. Ive been in rehab twice for opiates and both times it saved my life, and I had an amazing time in recovery. Ive destroyed my life with opiates and spent all my money, and done pretty much awful things for more. However, I'd like to share how I was able to find a combination that allows me to use opiates in moderation without risking my health and financial crisis. Ive been on suboxone three times, the last 3 times Ive binged for 13 months, 7 months, and 15 months of all day every day opiate use, with suboxone of about a year after each. You might say I'd learn my lesson by then but, theres more to the story then that. Every time I started using again, I took my life to places that it had never been. Every job, every girl ive met, every success ive had in my adult life, was during the time I was using. It just gives me that extra motivation I guess, opiates that give energy seem to just make staying positive and being strong willed very easy while I am on them. Ive fought through cancer, being suicidal, being castrated from all the people I thought were my friends, outcast from the world, Ive been dead in the hospital for a few seconds and lucky to be alive, all long before I used opiates. So I guess I found something that kept me positive even with a hell of a past that haunted me behind me. I've dealt with PTSD and they have even helped with that to get over past events and accept them. Now Im sharing all of this to give you an idea of the mindset I was in. Forgive me if this is long but writing this really means a lot to be read so, please bare with me!
About four months ago my cancer came back, and I slowly got off suboxone and started treatment. During my weakest point when I had two surgeries within a few weeks, I was forced to start taking my drug of choice, Hydrocodone. I was given that, codeine, hydromorphone, and oxycodone within a month. I spent months lieing in bed going through hell, praying to die or just be healthy. Mentally I felt like I could conquer the world but physically I could not even play video games or get a good nights sleep or sit up for long. When I started opiates again it was 4/20. Ive taken what I was supposed to since then until I finally started to feel normal again the past few days. So I start thinking to myself, I was given all of these opiates, and Ive spent my whole life wasting money on them, I finally have a chance to just enjoy them for months and months without spending a penny! So I started taking them, doing different things, but it still didn't feel right. I was high but mentally the magic wasn't there because of all the anguish I have been through, until I started to really think of my future and how I want to use these opiates for my benefit.
This brings me to my experience today. I woke up and had hopes today of making birthday plans with friends this weekend, and had one of those starts to the day that just didn't seem to be going my way. So I said ok today I'm gonna take the same dose I used to take when I wanted to feel a really good euphoric buzz, before my tolerance got high. I haven't taken more than 20 mg of hydrocodone at once in the 20 days since I had to start taking painkillers again, but I've taken 60mg at once probably way back when my tolerance was bad, but mine basically resets to zero after not taking any for a year, even after being on suboxone 11 and 1/2 months of that year, after completely coming off of suboxone. I seem to have that perfect amount of enzymes in my liver that really make a very small amount of people feel opiates far more than any other person can possibly comprehend, but with a fast metabolism so my tolerance takes months to rise even a tad. So I took 3 10/325 norcos, nothing more, after drinking some caffeine but not too much as I always do, and some emergen-c, which has b vitamins and kind of gives a little energy boost. I didn't think I was gonna be like, completely out of my mind euphoric or anything but, I knew that it was a big jump from what I had taken recently, so I had some stuff planned. I started to feel it kick in about 30 minutes after, I had been laying down, had eaten too, but when it hit me I was instantly energized. I played yahoo games euchre with my favorite music on, random rap shit, 50 Cent, my favorite, and I heard a song I hadn't heard in years. The kind of song associated with extreme vivid memories, one of the best of my life, when I lost my virginity. I've been single for a year, although Im 26 in a few days so, at this point Im not ashamed of that, at that work hard phase of life where I have less friends, less time. The way I started to feel is something I cant describe in words. Its like combining the most powerful euphoria a human being could ever have without drugs, with the most powerful euphoria from an opiate, into one synergy. I was smiling, laughing, crying, screaming WOOOO, dancing around, and feeling better than I have since I was 22. My first thought is that the amount I took had been the biggest jump of dose I had taken in years, a 50% increase, cause I always use daily when I use opiates and never take more than like a tiny amount more over time as my tolerance increases. I don't wanna get too deep into it but, if youre using daily opiates you have to consider the dosage to tolerance ratio very strongly. Most do it to avoid overdose, I always just do it so I can take the absolute minimum that will get me that euphoric energy.
Today I said fuck it, and that feeling I had lasted about 6 hours. I always smoke weed so, I had some good stuff throughout the high after the initial 2 hours. The thing that made this high so different was I was so over the top euphoric, my normal anxiety and worrying just dissapeered. I went right up to the girl that works at the mall I live next to that Ive had a crush on for pretty much 10 years but, shes never been single at the same time as me, and I never had the balls or the opportunity. At the 1 hour point after coming up, I just felt so amazingly powerful I felt like I could do anything I wanted to do, I made an emotional deep plea to her and expressed my feelings with tears of euphoria in my eyes, and the look on her face was of amazement and shock, and the words she said were the peak of my high. The girl ive pretty much been in love with since high school said she felt the same way but never knew I liked her as more than a friend, and I literally just smiled and cried at the same time and gave her the best hug I've ever given. Ive had many amazing moments in my life because I took Hydrocodone or another opiate and I did something crazy for what I normally do, I took a chance and had it pay off in a way I never in a billion years could have imagined. Opiates saved my life before and they may be the reason for the best thing that has ever happened to me taking place, cause I never would have talked to her in the passionate way I did, let alone talk to her lol, if I had not felt the peak of euphoria that human beings can feel. I hope someone read through this all lol, again this means a lot to me to share, I had the best day of my life today, and I hope people out there can see opiates aren't all bad. When used in the right amounts and used to do things, they can change a persons life.
About four months ago my cancer came back, and I slowly got off suboxone and started treatment. During my weakest point when I had two surgeries within a few weeks, I was forced to start taking my drug of choice, Hydrocodone. I was given that, codeine, hydromorphone, and oxycodone within a month. I spent months lieing in bed going through hell, praying to die or just be healthy. Mentally I felt like I could conquer the world but physically I could not even play video games or get a good nights sleep or sit up for long. When I started opiates again it was 4/20. Ive taken what I was supposed to since then until I finally started to feel normal again the past few days. So I start thinking to myself, I was given all of these opiates, and Ive spent my whole life wasting money on them, I finally have a chance to just enjoy them for months and months without spending a penny! So I started taking them, doing different things, but it still didn't feel right. I was high but mentally the magic wasn't there because of all the anguish I have been through, until I started to really think of my future and how I want to use these opiates for my benefit.
This brings me to my experience today. I woke up and had hopes today of making birthday plans with friends this weekend, and had one of those starts to the day that just didn't seem to be going my way. So I said ok today I'm gonna take the same dose I used to take when I wanted to feel a really good euphoric buzz, before my tolerance got high. I haven't taken more than 20 mg of hydrocodone at once in the 20 days since I had to start taking painkillers again, but I've taken 60mg at once probably way back when my tolerance was bad, but mine basically resets to zero after not taking any for a year, even after being on suboxone 11 and 1/2 months of that year, after completely coming off of suboxone. I seem to have that perfect amount of enzymes in my liver that really make a very small amount of people feel opiates far more than any other person can possibly comprehend, but with a fast metabolism so my tolerance takes months to rise even a tad. So I took 3 10/325 norcos, nothing more, after drinking some caffeine but not too much as I always do, and some emergen-c, which has b vitamins and kind of gives a little energy boost. I didn't think I was gonna be like, completely out of my mind euphoric or anything but, I knew that it was a big jump from what I had taken recently, so I had some stuff planned. I started to feel it kick in about 30 minutes after, I had been laying down, had eaten too, but when it hit me I was instantly energized. I played yahoo games euchre with my favorite music on, random rap shit, 50 Cent, my favorite, and I heard a song I hadn't heard in years. The kind of song associated with extreme vivid memories, one of the best of my life, when I lost my virginity. I've been single for a year, although Im 26 in a few days so, at this point Im not ashamed of that, at that work hard phase of life where I have less friends, less time. The way I started to feel is something I cant describe in words. Its like combining the most powerful euphoria a human being could ever have without drugs, with the most powerful euphoria from an opiate, into one synergy. I was smiling, laughing, crying, screaming WOOOO, dancing around, and feeling better than I have since I was 22. My first thought is that the amount I took had been the biggest jump of dose I had taken in years, a 50% increase, cause I always use daily when I use opiates and never take more than like a tiny amount more over time as my tolerance increases. I don't wanna get too deep into it but, if youre using daily opiates you have to consider the dosage to tolerance ratio very strongly. Most do it to avoid overdose, I always just do it so I can take the absolute minimum that will get me that euphoric energy.
Today I said fuck it, and that feeling I had lasted about 6 hours. I always smoke weed so, I had some good stuff throughout the high after the initial 2 hours. The thing that made this high so different was I was so over the top euphoric, my normal anxiety and worrying just dissapeered. I went right up to the girl that works at the mall I live next to that Ive had a crush on for pretty much 10 years but, shes never been single at the same time as me, and I never had the balls or the opportunity. At the 1 hour point after coming up, I just felt so amazingly powerful I felt like I could do anything I wanted to do, I made an emotional deep plea to her and expressed my feelings with tears of euphoria in my eyes, and the look on her face was of amazement and shock, and the words she said were the peak of my high. The girl ive pretty much been in love with since high school said she felt the same way but never knew I liked her as more than a friend, and I literally just smiled and cried at the same time and gave her the best hug I've ever given. Ive had many amazing moments in my life because I took Hydrocodone or another opiate and I did something crazy for what I normally do, I took a chance and had it pay off in a way I never in a billion years could have imagined. Opiates saved my life before and they may be the reason for the best thing that has ever happened to me taking place, cause I never would have talked to her in the passionate way I did, let alone talk to her lol, if I had not felt the peak of euphoria that human beings can feel. I hope someone read through this all lol, again this means a lot to me to share, I had the best day of my life today, and I hope people out there can see opiates aren't all bad. When used in the right amounts and used to do things, they can change a persons life.
were you sober, when you wrote it? 
