soulfly
Bluelight Crew
I went searching for something tonight. I was looking for answers and just a little bit of direction. Maybe with a side of comfort. So, I looked for you here. I knew I wouldn't find you, but I was hoping I would. You were my rock when I needed stability. You were my compassionate and genuinely honest angel. You were beautiful, and watching you dance took my breath away. It's a feeling that never got old.
So, here I find myself tonight coming full circle. I ended up looking for you in the place we first met nearly 12 years ago. It's sort of like how "Joel" from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind feels completely lost and confused and finds himself in the same train station where he met the love of his life.
I find myself back here, nearly 10 years later, looking for you. Hoping maybe you never got married and had babies. I'm holding on to hope that you're still dancing and still wearing those cute glasses you always wore. I'm hoping our cat is still alive. And I'm hoping for a miracle tonight that we may bump into each other again in this place. I pray that you still make a mean apple crisp.
And this is what I am greeted with when I visit your profile:
Last Activity 20-08-2003 00:46
So, this letter is my only option. Consider this my open love letter, stained with the tears that I have collected and saved up for 10 years that are pouring down my face like tiny little rivers. This is my desperate attempt to hold on to something or rather, someone, who truly loved me. Someone who made me feel like a better person and not as ugly as I usually feel every day of my life.
So, I had a massive emotional meltdown at work today, and I was struck by an arrow of inspiration to write something. And then I knew I had to write it to you. Because I owe this to you for throwing away the last love letter that I wrote to you that you never read.
So, how have I been over the last 10 years? Eh, it's a lot of ups and downs. Right now I'm in a "down" phase. I'm lonely. Really fucking lonely. My drinking problem has spiraled out of control, and I know this wouldn't have happened if I still had your love and support. I've put on some weight and gotten more tattoos. I'm single again and I'm trying to learn how to deal with that. I still can't listen to anything by Incubus without sobbing hysterically. I was in a bar last week and heard "Anti-gravity love song" and had to go home immediately. And if I ever hear "Stellar", images of you dancing start swirling around my head. So fucking sexy. I wanted you so badly, babe.
Then I remembered the exact moment that I realized it was over. You got out of the shower, naked as the day you were born, and I was so turned on, it was insane. I wrapped my arms around you and started kissing your neck. And you were cold. So....so cold for someone who had just gotten out of a hot shower. You brushed me off and I left the apartment, ashamed, upset, confused, and with my tail between my legs.
I went to school like I promised I would. My career has gone down a completely different path since then, though. I consider myself fairly successful, but there is so much further to go. My mother passed away 4 years ago, almost to the day. My entire family has passed on now. I lost a good friend in a drunk driving accident a few months ago. I'm in therapy fairly regularly and even put myself on medications to try to manage my depression. You know what a big deal that is for me.
My sleeping medication is beginning to kick in, so I'm going to end this. I just wanted to say that "I love you, Alicia". I always will. I'll always wonder how things would have turned out if I made better decisions. But I'm hoping that you're still out there somewhere, and some small part of you is still proud of me.
This is my open love letter to you and to all who read it.
So, here I find myself tonight coming full circle. I ended up looking for you in the place we first met nearly 12 years ago. It's sort of like how "Joel" from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind feels completely lost and confused and finds himself in the same train station where he met the love of his life.
I find myself back here, nearly 10 years later, looking for you. Hoping maybe you never got married and had babies. I'm holding on to hope that you're still dancing and still wearing those cute glasses you always wore. I'm hoping our cat is still alive. And I'm hoping for a miracle tonight that we may bump into each other again in this place. I pray that you still make a mean apple crisp.
And this is what I am greeted with when I visit your profile:
Last Activity 20-08-2003 00:46
So, this letter is my only option. Consider this my open love letter, stained with the tears that I have collected and saved up for 10 years that are pouring down my face like tiny little rivers. This is my desperate attempt to hold on to something or rather, someone, who truly loved me. Someone who made me feel like a better person and not as ugly as I usually feel every day of my life.
So, I had a massive emotional meltdown at work today, and I was struck by an arrow of inspiration to write something. And then I knew I had to write it to you. Because I owe this to you for throwing away the last love letter that I wrote to you that you never read.
So, how have I been over the last 10 years? Eh, it's a lot of ups and downs. Right now I'm in a "down" phase. I'm lonely. Really fucking lonely. My drinking problem has spiraled out of control, and I know this wouldn't have happened if I still had your love and support. I've put on some weight and gotten more tattoos. I'm single again and I'm trying to learn how to deal with that. I still can't listen to anything by Incubus without sobbing hysterically. I was in a bar last week and heard "Anti-gravity love song" and had to go home immediately. And if I ever hear "Stellar", images of you dancing start swirling around my head. So fucking sexy. I wanted you so badly, babe.
Then I remembered the exact moment that I realized it was over. You got out of the shower, naked as the day you were born, and I was so turned on, it was insane. I wrapped my arms around you and started kissing your neck. And you were cold. So....so cold for someone who had just gotten out of a hot shower. You brushed me off and I left the apartment, ashamed, upset, confused, and with my tail between my legs.
I went to school like I promised I would. My career has gone down a completely different path since then, though. I consider myself fairly successful, but there is so much further to go. My mother passed away 4 years ago, almost to the day. My entire family has passed on now. I lost a good friend in a drunk driving accident a few months ago. I'm in therapy fairly regularly and even put myself on medications to try to manage my depression. You know what a big deal that is for me.
My sleeping medication is beginning to kick in, so I'm going to end this. I just wanted to say that "I love you, Alicia". I always will. I'll always wonder how things would have turned out if I made better decisions. But I'm hoping that you're still out there somewhere, and some small part of you is still proud of me.
This is my open love letter to you and to all who read it.
Last edited:
bro