Opana and Dilauded WD = Impossible!

[Amikins]

*Disclaimer!* = NO MEDICINE WORKS THE SAME FOR EVERYONE!!! What works for one person, won't work at all for the next. We are all different when it comes to the medicines that are effective!......

I feel so alone right now! Shaking, trembling, I can't eat/sleep!, I'm just upset! *Also it's that time of month!!!!! *Ouch!*

Okay... Here's my story (shortest version possible, hehe)

Years ago I started having major health issues. I spent a year or so on the couch having either seizures or the most unreal anxiety/panic attacks that I've ever seen.

I am supposed to be on generic somas @ 350mg/3x day and generic valium @ 10mg/3x day ....

Doctors don't really understand my issues so they switch me from one doc to the next. (I have fibromyalgia and scleroderma, to say the least.)

Well, my health issues are slowly killing me! I should weigh 125, I fluctuate between 80 pounds to 100. In a matter of 5 years my teeth have rotted away. I went from the girl who did everything, to the girl who can't do anything. I don't know what is worse, the pain or my severe anxiety! I'm going to say the anxiety because it makes my already diseased heart pound out of my chest.

When they switch me to another doctor because they have no clue what to do with me (sclero is rare and 50% of the medical community doesn't believe that fibro ((muscle pain)) is even real!

Basically every new doctor I go to see thinks I'm insane for asking for those meds. But! Before things got all *weird*, like in the 90's when I was a KID!!! They had me on these meds because after much trial and error, they were the only effective meds.

The records of that time are completely gone, I guess. But! Now they keep records! And these records of mine say "Drug Seeker, Will ask for Soma and Valium!" (I swear, my latest doc showed me!)

Anyway, I keep getting sent from one baffled and rude doctor to the next. And they always start out on square one. "Try this." or "Try that." They say. When I know the ONLY 2 medication that help. Ah, I am allergic to Gabapentin(sp?) and Lyrica. I only take those if I want to have a life threatening allergic reaction (haha, just kidding!) Once I realized I was allergic to them, I refuse them. Which only makes doctors more suspicious that I'm trying to get "the hard stuff".... Come on! Please! I'm really sick! I wouldn't overtake my meds! I'd be screwed at the end of the month!

So, I go from doctor to doctor only to get treated like a drug addict. which has made my social/anxiety even more crippling! I don't leave my bed! I'm wasting away! I never see the sun, feel the wind, watch the wildlife... I'm miserable. I can't even water my what-was-once a garden.

Okay, here is the issue : I have a friend who has the WORST scoliosis!!! (To say the least.) So, she gets Opana and Dilauded. (The strongest ones) not to mention she gets soma and valium! A truly sick person can not afford to share their meds. But she was nice enough to share pieces of her Opana and Dilauded with me. It's funny how a doctor will turn me away, but a sick person will do all that they can to help me. *like a real true medicine-man! *

So, I finally found a doctor to put me on Valium and Soma (Thank Heavens!) She didn't give me the full dose sadly, so I'll have to work that out with my friend, until I can get the proper dosage! Also, the doctor wants to taper me off of the meds, that I need until I die! (I have serious issues = can't move, anxiety that keeps me in hiding, severe migraines, the list goes on and on.)

Anyway, this is the first time I've really came-down hard off of Opana and Dilauded. My body is aching beyond belief! I can't sleep, eat or be comfortable. I'm having to double dose my meds to function, but I still feel like I've died a million times over!

I'm so sick of the switching doctors, and one thinks fibro is fake, another tells me to go to a fibro clinic. After not working for years and having horrific to NO insurance. I just can't handle it anymore!

..................

So, not having enough of my "weapon of choice", I've had to supplement with little pieces of dilauded and opana. They are the strongest kind available, so they either gave me the comfy nods, put me to sleep or just made me so productive! I felt sort of back to normal! That's what made me LOVE them!

I was only on them for 6 months to a year. And I was SURE that WD from Benzos was THE WORST. (I still think it is.)
(Talk about all of my issues hitting me at once, magnified by 100!!!!)

...............

Getting to the point.... I got myself slowly weened off of opana and dilauded. It was so hard!!!! The only thing that got me through was cold wet washcloths, TV, waiting, crying, vomiting, headaches, oh and a bunch of flu medicine daytime and nighttime "soft"(pfffft)-gels. (I can barely swallow those!)

I want to be off of dilauded and opana forever. So, each day I took a smaller dose. Each day was getting worse! I'd been constipated for what felt like months! A few hours after taking my last piece of opana and dilauded, I was in HELL!!!! I went from vomiting to watery diarrhea that burned! Rinse, repeat.... All while I was exhausted. I suffered so badly!

I almost choked in my sleep, which was a wake up call!!!!!

Now that I'm 5 hours away from the 48 hour point, I still feel so awful!

I have had to double my dose (it's okay, I'm aware of my limits with S's and V's) and Stay Sleeping! Because I just can't handle it! I have withdrawn off of all 4 of them, monthly, at higher doses and survived, but I just feel like I can't make it this time! My spine pain is KILLING me! My legs, they are useless!

I have all of these responsibilities (paint the HOUSE! cut down two huge trees! Completely clean up 4 super-messy rooms! Level the yard, and lay down bricks, Water my yard, daily... etc.)

I can't stop this feeling of "I need to go to the bathroom! NOW", but I'm so constipated! Also, if something does come out its burning, watery diarrhea. Oh and the RLS(crawling legs), hot/cold flashes and hot/cold/wet clammy skin is so much worse than I'd imagined!!!!!!! Not to mention that I can't sleep, no energy, really bummed out, I feel helpless! All because a stranger doctor thinks they know *My Body*, better than I do! -sigh-

It's 4 AM, I can't sleep. My back/neck/head are aching beyond the point that I can't just "ride it out". I'm pretty scared! I was never a heavy user. My friend gets the highest doses and I'd only take little pieces if possible. I didn't think it would be this bad!!!! Although, I also didn't think the manufacturer that I prefer would go out of business! o.o now I'm in BIG trouble!!!!!

I feel so hopeless. I've had a pretty rough life, but I didn't expect the roughness to last. I worked so hard to prepare for a great future and now I'm just wasting away. Mostly because the majority of doctors are too uneducated about my disorders and I've got one heck of a combo of disorders.

*I heard Norway has free healthcare. Aaaah, if only it was the same here!!!!*

Thanks for letting me rant!!! I'd love to chat with someone, anyone!

Thank you! - Amikins

(PS: I'm positive that the brands of S's and V's that I NEED, are being phased out! I can't find the right kind Anywhere in my city! Could it be any worse? I feel like they are sugar pills!)

 

[mrsnowygrainius]

if u can just tough it out a few more days you be fine, its great to be not dependent on anything but then the cravings and depression hits and thats what always brings me back... so be prepared for that

 

[cj]

The good news is the acute opiate withdrawal is a little more than half over. It is probably peaking as I type this right now. Keep taking the soma and Valium they will help a lot. I'm sorry to hear about your medical problems. Hopefully you find a compassionate doctor at some point. Hang in there if you can. I know it's tough I have been where you are before in withdraw. This is probably going to be one of the worst experiences of your life. My best advice is to embrace the hell. Write dark poems. Watch a sad movie and cry. Then take more Valium. Weed is good too if you smoke. But anyway you will get through it! Stay hydrated!

 

[Harmredux]

I have metal all bolted to my spine, so I feel your pain. I think I am about the same age and I laughed when I read your list of responsibilities and felt bad about the garden because my tree and house issues are identical this week. I just detoxed for the 10th time and am on day 10. Go read my detox thread updated today if you want to see what to expect.
Good news is you will probably be fine to eat and start feeling better by Monday. Don't go nuts about the insomnia, it just IS, and the valium and Soma will only make you a tired withdrawaling ZOMBIE instead of just tired and wd'iing. If you have a significant other I hope you have come clean about what's happening.
That's a huge amount of valium btw, once you establish a base level of a 3×10mg a day dose you shouldn't need to take that every day the half life is days. Start cutting back, you're indulging the wd and you know the price to pay for wd on benzos... think about how you are going to feel when this wd is done if you have to do another one because your script for valium ran out early.
And as far as the fibro thing, pain meds sensitize with long term use. As mentioned I have an ACTUAL problem (hhaha just kidding, I know fibro is SOMETHING even if they don't know yet what it is) and I feel better from Advil long term than any pain meds and I have had them ALL.
Look up "ultra low dose naltrexone"- for our conditions it may work.
You are coming off a big dose, don't chip now it will most definitely prolong this indefinitely. No more little pieces.
Stand up comedy on youtube is good if you must lie down, and don't lie around a dark room all day it will just make this weekend more depressing.
Keep me posted.

 

[liagiba806]

I have definitely been where you are many times in the past. I, too, was a kid in the 90's (graduated high school in '94). Anyway, I don't really have anything wrong with me other than the fact that I'm a drug addict...meaning I don't have any condition that would require a monthly prescription. I do however love opiates and have been battling that beast for nearly 10 years.
I relapsed in 2005 after having a little over 7 years sober (active 12-stepper). When I initially got sober in '98, I didn't know anything about opiates. When I relapsed in college, in 2005 (I didn't go to college right after high school), but when I relapsed I found opiates and they have been a demon inside me ever since. Started off on Norcos, then Oxy and Opana - the pills just got so expensive which lead me to heroin. At first just smoking and snorting, then IV'ing. Once that needle came into my life it was a disaster, not to say it wasn't a disaster before but when you IV it's a whole other game...the rules change. You gamble your life with every shot. Every score is different as far as potency is concerned, so when you had to use X amount to get you high from one score, might be way too much of another score because it's stronger.
Back to where I was going, in the end I was mainly using to "not be sick". Withdrawing from opiates (along with many other drugs...but I just know opiate withdrawal). It wasn't even fun in the end. Yeah, I'd get high, but I kept having to use more...and I kept using so I wouldn't feel what you are experiencing. An opiate withdrawal is a living nightmare - the diarrhea, restless legs, insomnia, social isolation, lack of appetite, the list goes on and on.
So over the years, I'd use for a little while, then withdrawal. Use, withdrawal, use withdrawal - sometimes going through that multiple times a month because 1) I couldn't score, or 2) run out of money between paychecks (I'm an accountant for a major international corporation and I make really good money - but was living paycheck to paycheck because of my habit).
I've lost 12 friends over the years to alcohol/drug related events...4 directly related to heroin overdoses. It's only a matter of time before it happens to me. It's not a matter of "if" but a matter of "when". Opiates are a killer and Opana and Dilaudid are some of the strongest on the market (I've shot up both of them)...it's almost a form of synthetic heroin (fentanyl is probably the strongest of all. What I'm trying to say is those "little pieces" are PACKED with an extremely potent opiate. DO NOT JUSTIFY WHAT YOU'RE DOING BY SAYING "LITTLE PIECES" because those pieces will put a lot of people on their ass.
The withdrawal is going to be hell, as I mentioned above - diarrhea, insomnia, etc. but tough it out. The acute symptoms will last anywhere from 6-10 days, and the fog really won't lift for 3-5 weeks. I've gone through it many times like I said but 9 months ago I had a moment of clarity, after near death OD event, to check myself into a hospital and got on some medication to stabilize my manic tendencies, my depression, which is the driving force behind my drug use. Once I got stable on Lexapro and started therapy my life has changed.
So, I've been clean for 9 months and my life is a complete 180 from where I was in October. I just had to make it through those withdrawals..."white knuckling" it at times but knowing that the better life is on the other side of these temporary symptoms. If I can do it so can you. It's very simple, but not easy. You have to want it. You have to want to live a clean life not dependent on opiates. Seek out natural and herbal medication, natural remedies. There are many cures to many diseases, disorders, or whatever else in nature. A pill is a band-aid, they want you to stay sick so you have to keep going to the doctor, and you keep having to buy medicine. Doctors and drug companies need you to be sick so they stay in business.
Tough it out, it's only temporary, "this too shall pass". Seek out natural remedies. Talk to people. Be honest with yourself first and foremost. Life is too short, we need to enjoy it - chemical free - while we can. Death will be at our doorstep in the blink of an eye so it's imperative we enjoy this life while we can.

Sending positive energy your way,
Michael

 

[littleevilpills]

I just went through it too. I have idiopathic pancreatitis. Doctors say nothing is wrong with me. Even though I'm in severe pain constantly. And my blood tests show high lipase levels. Ct scans show nothing. I started on percocet. Got addicted. Bkew my savings. You know the story. Couldn't find a doc who believed me. Started buying on the streets.

You can do it. Time may seem like it is dragging right now. But when its over and you look back. You'll realize. It's not as bad as you made it seem. Every time you think about using. Look back at what you went through to get out. You'll want to punch yourself for even thinking about going back. Because every time you do go back. You purposely place yourself back in hell on earth. Good luck to you. I hope you're getting some sleep. If you need anybody to talk to on a one on one. Please private message me. I'll do my best to make you laugh.

 

[Amikins]

I know that I am completely W/D off of any opana, dilauaded or those little capsules with the tiny white balls in them. But, I really had to overdo my Somas and Valiums! I have very little left and I'm so scared! My bones are aching, my joints hurt, my skin is on fire. I'm in so much pain. I'm so scared and sad. It's only the 16th and my next appointment for refill is the 7th ! I don't think I can make it! But I'd rather die than withdrawal again! But all I have to do is just go get the opana and i'll be fine. Well, until I need another dose. I'm freaking out. I don't want to live like this! They are sending me to some , hm, "mental docs" , can't spell those words. but, I'm afraid! I will cry about everything and they will ask me questions that implicate people that I love. What if they hook me up to machines? . I'm sorry again and thank you all for talking to me! It means so much! I would have replied sooner but I am only now able to walk. Although a day or two ago I did get my yard watered It looks pretty good for being so neglected. No one around me knows what real disorders are (that's fine) but I'd assume if I understand their choices then, surely they'd understand my needs. I'm so sad! Not to mention my bank doesn't care that I was out of it for a week or two and they charged me $80.00 over a $6.00 bill, that I wasn't in the right state of mind to even remember! How will I ever get $80.00!? I can't move!!!!! not to mention they charge an additional $40.00 every 4 days. I feel so hopeless. But I can't thank you all enough. Just when i though I was all alone, and no one cared, you've all been so nice! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

 

[dognasher]

I am recently clean from IV heroin, pills, you name it. If I could put it in a syringe it was going in my body. I have detoxed from a nasty dilaudid habit before and it's no joke. In a few days you will feel much better, and then in a few weeks it will be like this was all a bad dream. The good news is the Opana and Dillys are short acting so while it's agony, it's not as drawn out as some other opies. Try to remember how you are feeling now. Write it all down if you have to. So you don't have to go through it again. I too have WD from benzos and if you have gone through that, like you say, you can go through this. The problem is remembering what got you here. What helped me was just embracing it, knowing that if I got through this last time I would never have to go through withdrawal again. I just didn't have another withdrawal in me. And that day when you see the sun come up and you've turned the corner and YOU ACTUALLY FEEL BETTER? It's like being fucking reborn. And it's just around the corner from you! Wishing you the best of luck.

 

[Amikins]

I've got good news and bad news

I have online banking and I used the 'chat now' feature. Basically I said to the person, "I've been too sick to do anything , let alone remember a damn $6.00 bill." I mentioned that I'd gone to see a doctor and was put on different medicine (this is the truth! I'm on some seriously nasty antibiotics? just EW! like i needed that.) anyway, I guess, maybe just the person or maybe it's a new policy but they refunded my money! Well, they took the charges back and I only owed $3.00 and I got it paid! Thank Heavens!!!!!!! :D

shocking side note (IMO) ; The doctor that I saw did insist that I pursue medical marijuana. Which is great since otherwise I'm an 80lb stick.... I'm starving inside and I hear things like, "oh to be your size". >.< Hello! I'm fricken starving, i need some lobster, shrimp and steak with a ton of veggies! ... If it comes up in a conversation, and it usually does, I tell people that I'm starving and how bad it hurts, but all they can think about is losing weight. There is another side to the weight coin. And I'm having such a hard time keeping any weight on! o.o I guess, I mentioned that, because it was a main reason that I couldn't seek help, I usually always had some measurable amount of marijuana in me. So, for now, I guess that's good news too. Because i do have a little smidgen (lol) and then I hope to watch some NatGeo, eat some pizza bites (Can't really cook in this condition) Also maybe I'll get an hour or two or even 3 hours of sleep!

Bad news is, I'm going to run out of Soma and Valium. I'm going to try to take quarters, but that's just never enough for me.

Also, I am reading and re-reading all of your advice and kind words and it is truly inspirational! I don't want >this life< anymore!

On another note, I did have a freak-out and searched the entire floor for ANY pill. Guess what I found...?
...A quarter of a dilaudid
and
...3/4 of an ER Opana. O.O

Basically I would normally chew the >.< "pieces" (however big or small) and I "dose dump". ...Instead of them working throughout the day(?) or however long they should work, I take the whole "high" at once.

I'm so confused. I could split these up and survive until the 7th, with my Somas & Valiums, but I don't want to! I'm just looking at them... Wondering who would trade me benzos for these and how many.....

I guess, it's good news that I didn't just take them, I don't even think i will! I can't say for sure, because "when it's bad, it's bad!" but, I don't want to take them. I just want My Brand of S's and V's...

Now for one final bit of good news I found the manufacturer that makes my brand of S's and V's!!! And my insurance covers them! They are both Qualitest brand and for me, they are the only effective kind. DANs are barely on "my body's radar". It's like eating a super-duper-yucky tic-tac! ew...

So, now I'm ignoring my body as much as possible. Watching animals and glowing oozing lava on TV. It keeps me kind of busy, plus talking here and desperately searching for chat rooms. I ate some clam strips with malt vinegar. mmmhmm-yummy!

...My body hurts! Yes!!! So badly. But I want to be better! And I'm going to try my very hardest to ride this out!!! I stayed up all day so that maybe I can sleep a bit longer. Which would be fantastic, if I wasn't cursed with horrific nightmares that wake me up screaming (meds or no meds).

I'm honest with myself and those around me about my issues, but they like to just call me an addict. So, it's best to be avoided, since, I hate pills. I've screwed my own self over many times by taking myself off of them and losing track of those doctors. I've already lost my fish store, I can't really write very much any more, I've had most of the knowledge that I worked so hard to gain, literally beaten out of me (loooooong, abusive relationship) ( i know, I've heard it all ).

I'm rambling and trying to be thorough because this is actually helping! I feel so hopeless, which of course makes things worse. Because truthfully, I don't see any way out of my situation. Abuse is one thing, but constant abuse, coming from the only people you've ever known/loved, severe abuse and even countless attempts to kill me, yet I barely survive, only to suffer new pains, worse pains. I'm scared to tell doctors about the abuse. I'm 32 and i look, act and feel like a helpless child! I'm a "fish doctor" hehe, so i know a thing or two about medicine/medical care and I mostly just don't see eye to eye with human doctors.

Oh, my doses are so high for S's and V's because of severe trauma to my neck. Every time i wake up, I'm shocked and it's bittersweet. The golden glow of the morning, yet the pain of an entire lifetime. i feel 320 years old. I can't survive losing another loved one, only to suffer in such pain. Why them? Why not me?

...i juuuuuust turned 32......

Coincidentally, my sister died at age 32, a few years ago. and it >was< because of her abusive partner. He beat her so badly. She came home, only because he rammed her through her front door head first, everyone saw, the police were called and they took him to jail. She spent a wonderful week or so with us, healing, laughing and just being happy! She too was also on heavy meds, my dose of S's and V's, in addition to all kinds of other stuff. But she drank alcohol, and she would do speed, just anything! She self medicated. She had many physical and mental issues. These issues ranged from her soulmate overdosing (and dying) in her lap, while she too overdosed, waking up days later in a hospital, finding out that he was dead and he died on her legs, causing her to lose permanent function of her legs. And other horrors such as her biological father raping her when she was only a child, ,, a sad child who had just lost her wonderful momma to breast cancer. My mother and her mother were great friends. My mother quickly adopted her and from then on, she was truly my sister, in every way possible. She could handle the drugs, she was on, when she died. which was a little bit of damn-near everything. I say that she died of a broken heart, even though the official cause of death was heart failure, not caused by abuse or drugs (so the experts said)..... But it was her already bad heart, just like mine, that gave out. I'm scared, but there's nothing I can do. Just sing to my cats, water my yard and also hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

More BAD NEWS!!!!! My grandmother has a lump in her breast. I just found out. I can't believe it yet. I won't believe it yet! No, no. no! Not another loved one. It was always supposed to be me first. Yet they die, I live and suffer, and I miss them, and it tears me apart inside.

Okay, wow. I'm beyond emotional. Maybe, I should try for that nap now. I sure hope I didn't upset anyone, I guess I was just ?issue-dumping? I'm so very sorry! I don't have a human-friend in the world. (not counting the poor person who is in such bad shape, I wouldn't dare complain about my pain to her. Her spine is so twisted, I fear she won't be alive, next time i check her.)

I sure hope I can sleep! But my neck is so swollen! OUCHIE!!!!! I wish crying made it better. I'd be right as rain

Thank you for just being here! All of you! I thought I was alone! Thank you!