Rukan
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2025
- Messages
- 3
Finally, after years and years and years of reading this website, i figured i'd actually join.
Hello, everyone. I have a bad habit of making excessively long posts, but i figured i'd introduce myself proper, given the extent of my lurking. Also, i really miss old-style forums like this. You don't see them around as much anymore, unless you are into real niche stuff (which i am). So, odd stream-of-consciousness post it is, and in this forum, i feel like i can express myself more freely than i would otherwise, since i've never seen judgement for one's quirks or habits or personality- figures, considering the website subject, and it puts my mind at ease a lot to write how i like.
I'm a 30 something guy who got interested into psychedelia/psychonautism/getting lit with a purpose when i was a teenager, around 16yo, but my experimentation with proper substances has been sporadic at best, and purposefully so. I owe that to this community, which i started browsing around that time: despite my instincts of immediately trying everything and anything, even though i could have, the more information i gathered from both here and other harm reduction websites really put me off going the deep end and possibly damaging my psyche and more before it had fully matured, and it helped me wait until around 23 for it.
For that, i give my sincere thanks. It was definitely the right call.
My experiences are mostly with psychedelics. Loved LSD (tripped 3 times total, i got what i wanted, hung up until now), DMT was phenomenal as well (i miss it but it kinda scares me in a good way), weed i'm a big fan like everyone else (frequent t-breaks aside, i'm always on that zaza). Other than that, a few pharmaceuticals: amphetamines i really like especially with cannabis since they remove the lack of energy i dislike the most about it, benzos are fun and i get prescriptions for them every now and then, and antidepressants are the devil.
That was mostly all 10-11 years ago though, then life took a series of less-than-desirable shifts, and outside of cannabis, i didn't experiment with much. Depression is a bitch and a half, and ever since 14 i've been struggling with it, along with strong and persistent background anxiety, and a relatively unfulfilling, difficult life, at least from the perspective of an overly sheltered, self-loathing and emotionally stunted needy adult who has had to deal with the woes of modernity and normal life like everyone else.
Well, perhaps only partly so, luck comes and goes, but i really don't want to compare myself to those who have been through actual hell and back, it wouldn't be fair or truthful.
Cue a few months ago, and another change happened, this time a positive one. Considering i refuse to return on antidepressants or therapy (nothing against it, and it was useful, but the usefulness of weekly therapy is limited when the issue lies with one's refusal of wanting real change because of fear and anhedonia-induced semi-comatose states), i figured i'd dust the old stash again and return to visit my own mind, which i had forgotten how much i wanted to explore, through, well, drugs. That, and wanting some good, real actual life for myself, finally.
So, i got into the rave scene (it still lives!) as i always wanted to at 30+ (being greeted in the friendliest, warmest and lovingest of ways from everyone, to my total astonishment), and finally experimented with MDMA and Ketamine, which were my top 2 on the to-do list. Saying i loved the experience is an understatement. It really opened my eyes to a dimension of feeling and happiness i hadn't thought possible, and i came out of it really, really refreshed. No comedown either, but that's probably the ketamine lines after the event having helped. Eye opening, truly. It's been a couple months already, and that lingering feeling of having been rewired to some extent has not left me, and i love it, and i seek to repeat the experience, as wisely as possible of course.
So now, i'm not hopping off the train. I don't want to do this alone anymore either, from almost completely antisocial and immediately exhausted after 1 hour at a social gathering, i now actively seek them, and i could not be happier. I am angry at people less. I tolerate things better. Anxiety is still there, depression still rears its ugly head, but i actively try to live with a smile and enjoy even the smallest things, and for the first time in many many years, i am happy to be alive.
So, to continue that trend, i wish to join you guys. Not just for the experience of it and the great community either- harm reduction and proper information really does work, and if there's one habit i wish to pick up, is the one to do things proper. I already have a next trip planned, but that's a thread for another board.
Oh, i also used to post/lurk on 420chan quite often back in the day, but apparently the admin of that website didn't have all of his marbles about him, and that is now dead. I still miss it. I'm sure some of you guys ended up as refugees here. If you did, i hope the recent past has treated you well. I also hope you still laugh at the old stuff like mexican tripping weed or GET LOUD BE SILLY. Tears in the rain.
I also really unapologetically like cutesy things, long walks on the beach, the smell of blossoming jasmine, and a big fat bong hit on a lazy summer afternoon with some music. And electronics/computers.
I think that's more than enough for a first post. Hello, all!
Hello, everyone. I have a bad habit of making excessively long posts, but i figured i'd introduce myself proper, given the extent of my lurking. Also, i really miss old-style forums like this. You don't see them around as much anymore, unless you are into real niche stuff (which i am). So, odd stream-of-consciousness post it is, and in this forum, i feel like i can express myself more freely than i would otherwise, since i've never seen judgement for one's quirks or habits or personality- figures, considering the website subject, and it puts my mind at ease a lot to write how i like.
I'm a 30 something guy who got interested into psychedelia/psychonautism/getting lit with a purpose when i was a teenager, around 16yo, but my experimentation with proper substances has been sporadic at best, and purposefully so. I owe that to this community, which i started browsing around that time: despite my instincts of immediately trying everything and anything, even though i could have, the more information i gathered from both here and other harm reduction websites really put me off going the deep end and possibly damaging my psyche and more before it had fully matured, and it helped me wait until around 23 for it.
For that, i give my sincere thanks. It was definitely the right call.
My experiences are mostly with psychedelics. Loved LSD (tripped 3 times total, i got what i wanted, hung up until now), DMT was phenomenal as well (i miss it but it kinda scares me in a good way), weed i'm a big fan like everyone else (frequent t-breaks aside, i'm always on that zaza). Other than that, a few pharmaceuticals: amphetamines i really like especially with cannabis since they remove the lack of energy i dislike the most about it, benzos are fun and i get prescriptions for them every now and then, and antidepressants are the devil.
That was mostly all 10-11 years ago though, then life took a series of less-than-desirable shifts, and outside of cannabis, i didn't experiment with much. Depression is a bitch and a half, and ever since 14 i've been struggling with it, along with strong and persistent background anxiety, and a relatively unfulfilling, difficult life, at least from the perspective of an overly sheltered, self-loathing and emotionally stunted needy adult who has had to deal with the woes of modernity and normal life like everyone else.
Well, perhaps only partly so, luck comes and goes, but i really don't want to compare myself to those who have been through actual hell and back, it wouldn't be fair or truthful.
Cue a few months ago, and another change happened, this time a positive one. Considering i refuse to return on antidepressants or therapy (nothing against it, and it was useful, but the usefulness of weekly therapy is limited when the issue lies with one's refusal of wanting real change because of fear and anhedonia-induced semi-comatose states), i figured i'd dust the old stash again and return to visit my own mind, which i had forgotten how much i wanted to explore, through, well, drugs. That, and wanting some good, real actual life for myself, finally.
So, i got into the rave scene (it still lives!) as i always wanted to at 30+ (being greeted in the friendliest, warmest and lovingest of ways from everyone, to my total astonishment), and finally experimented with MDMA and Ketamine, which were my top 2 on the to-do list. Saying i loved the experience is an understatement. It really opened my eyes to a dimension of feeling and happiness i hadn't thought possible, and i came out of it really, really refreshed. No comedown either, but that's probably the ketamine lines after the event having helped. Eye opening, truly. It's been a couple months already, and that lingering feeling of having been rewired to some extent has not left me, and i love it, and i seek to repeat the experience, as wisely as possible of course.
So now, i'm not hopping off the train. I don't want to do this alone anymore either, from almost completely antisocial and immediately exhausted after 1 hour at a social gathering, i now actively seek them, and i could not be happier. I am angry at people less. I tolerate things better. Anxiety is still there, depression still rears its ugly head, but i actively try to live with a smile and enjoy even the smallest things, and for the first time in many many years, i am happy to be alive.
So, to continue that trend, i wish to join you guys. Not just for the experience of it and the great community either- harm reduction and proper information really does work, and if there's one habit i wish to pick up, is the one to do things proper. I already have a next trip planned, but that's a thread for another board.
Oh, i also used to post/lurk on 420chan quite often back in the day, but apparently the admin of that website didn't have all of his marbles about him, and that is now dead. I still miss it. I'm sure some of you guys ended up as refugees here. If you did, i hope the recent past has treated you well. I also hope you still laugh at the old stuff like mexican tripping weed or GET LOUD BE SILLY. Tears in the rain.
I also really unapologetically like cutesy things, long walks on the beach, the smell of blossoming jasmine, and a big fat bong hit on a lazy summer afternoon with some music. And electronics/computers.
I think that's more than enough for a first post. Hello, all!
