Oh where to begin? I've never blogged in my life, so this may suck, but I must get some things off my chest. First off, I am a 26 year old male living in the U.S. Ive been using drugs off and on(almost entirely on) since 15 years old when I first tried alcohol and cannabis. Even before then, I was obsessed with psychoactive drugs. I don't really know what started this obsession. I was diagnosed with ADD in the second grade, and prescribed Methylphenidate in the form of Ritalin.I remember being with my parents and the psychiatrist after he said my diagnosis, and my dad cried. That made me feel like something was wrong with me, like I was broken or something. I also felt anger towards him, like why the fuck are you sad at least you know what it is. By the way I do not beleive A.D.D. being actually one disorder, I think kids are hyperactive and inattentive because of a host of different things, including but not limited to psychological/mental disorder.It was ir, so one in the morning,one at lunch. I'm not sure the dosage, but I'm sure it was low as at the time I weighed probably 50 pounds. I absolutely hated this drug. It helped me concentrate on school, but it also turned me into a zombie incapable of socializing. So I wouldn't take it. I mean to say I would in the morning because for some reason I was convinced my parents would catch me cheeking it(actually under the tongue I did but that's the only term I know for it), but I wasn't worried about the school nurse who liked me and wasn't very suspecting. They would give it to me right before lunch, so I would keep it under my toungue until I got to the luch room, then dispose of it in the trash can. Well one day, after having done this for quite a while, one of the kids in kine asked me what I had take out of my mouth and thrown away. I wanted to show off so I told them it was my meds. This student, not knowing what kind of meds it was, alerted the faculty, and from then on the nurse had me open my mouth and lift my tongue so she could thouroughly check for the pill. So I had to take both doses every school day. I was vey angry at the student who told on me, but later realized she was only concerned for my health. I hated how they made me feel during the day, and this hatred was only surpassed by the absolute horror the crash every night would have me. It was so depressing I couldnt enjoy anything, I could only dwell on how much I did not want to have to do the shit all over again the next day. In middle school, I got a new nurse, so yayyy I can start cheeking them again. Then, in sixth grade, I told my parents flat out I would not take it anymore, and I meant it. They responded by saying that they would let me go off and see how it went, but as I said, my mind was already made up. Completely off that stuff, I found I could socialize alot better, however I was now drawn to the outcast/rebel types. I was always quite smart, so I could still keel my grades well enough to pass, while not really giving a shit about schoolwork. The exception was social studies, as I was always quite intersted in history. This was also the start of my obsession with psychoactive chemicals. I would sit in the school library and read the short little books they had on marijuana and other drugs, which were basically just anti-drug propaganda. Somehow I already knew the downsides were being exaggerated in attempt to steer the young away from use. This is also where I guess you could say I read my first experience reports, which were not very long and once again aimed more at showing the negative sides. I was still too scared to try anything, or possibly more that I just had no sources. Haha. I was completely obsessed with the ability to change mood and perception with the simple act of cosumption of a chemical. I guess I was just longing for escape already, which I now find sad as most kids my age were too busy with the joys of childhood to be worried about escaping from their everyday reality. I should state here that both my parents were functional alcoholics, which I didnt fully realize yet at this juncture. My family was pretty dysfunctional, but my parents did love me and never neglected or abused me, yet it was far from the ideal home life. To Be Continued.........
I read it.
I work with kids and it always makes me sad to think of kids being put on these drugs for ADD and ADHD. My son tried them for less than two months in 7th grade. He loved the initial focus and mood lift but the depression at about 3 in the afternoon, the weight loss and the disinterest in everything that he had formerly enjoyed made me think there is nothing worth taking these drugs over. Fortunately, we were all on the same page and he stopped. We never went to a psychiatrist--it was a pediatrician that suggested them.
Writing is a great way to lay things from the past out in front of you to examine it. I find that I have been telling myself the same stories about my past for years. Sometimes though, when I am writing, some new way of looking at things transpires. I'm always grateful for that. Keep writing!
I work with kids and it always makes me sad to think of kids being put on these drugs for ADD and ADHD. My son tried them for less than two months in 7th grade. He loved the initial focus and mood lift but the depression at about 3 in the afternoon, the weight loss and the disinterest in everything that he had formerly enjoyed made me think there is nothing worth taking these drugs over. Fortunately, we were all on the same page and he stopped. We never went to a psychiatrist--it was a pediatrician that suggested them. Writing is a great way to lay things from the past out in front of you to examine it. I find that I have been telling myself the same stories about my past for years. Sometimes though, when I am writing, some new way of looking at things transpires. I'm always grateful for that. Keep writing!