TDS Once just for today/ should i stay or should i go

[xiferz]

The knock on the door was loud. Through the window I saw the police van. Turned out she was in hospital - some breakdown. She had said some time off in hospital would be welcome. She left while I was out - I had had enough humouring the booze. When I got back the light blew when I switched it on. The otht didn't work until I reset the trip switch. Telephone was gone- ripped cable left behind. We hadn't spoken about the previous Sunday - while I was out the fire service ambulances and cops visited - smoke inhalation - hospital.

The story above is unfolding but its not very different to many similar I could relate. I sort of accept this is how it isI. I tried living alone before. During a time similar to now I started using opiates. Many years ago - same characters though. Straight to needle, a mess of bruises and misses. Usual progress over the years through every vein ending with groin injecting. Such a relief when that vein allowed itself to be found after i'd tried for months. No more hours searching for blood. Bang and it's done.

But this time, over 4 weeks since I used H. Started with 24 mg suboxone didn't work wellfirst couple of days that stuff takes time to build up. Now down to 2 mg a day. Got to cut down to 1 mg tomorrow- then I run out of subs in a week.

Being alone I'm thinking where should I go - should i stay. I could load my car and be at the Med in a couple of days - I;d have to leave some stuff behind...

 

[xiferz]

long time ago, before the H, when we were apart I sometimes wrote about things in an online group - usenet groups if anyone remembers usenet? That's probably why I'm typing to my self here. Yesterday I dropped off a suitcase of clothes at the Hospital. There is an old school with school house where my final year high school girlfriend lived. Right opposite used to be a Hospital for disabled people, along the road was the sanatorium. Both those are gone now, replaced by the new Hospital for ... perhaps not entirely physical problems. (I really can't think of a correct term!). That's where the bag went, my wife is currently living across the road from my first love. I bought H on the way home, might not have had someone else been home- but I guess I probably would have. First time using a needle for 5 weeks. Bang goes 5 week suboxone taper. This morning I haven't used any yet. Not really feeling w/d yet and i should take sub when I do. But the rest of the gram is there - last night I managed to start cleaning up the mess from the fire and the neglect there's been around here lately. That's why I liked gear in the first place - made me active, able to do things. We all know what that costs though.

 

[Moreaux]

Hey xiferz- sorry, I'm a little confused, is this a story or something that is actively happening?

 

[xiferz]

Hi - its a true story - actively happening right now. Used to try to write a lot- hence the hackneyed style above. Latest is my stepdaughter phoned, she is worried about her mother, naturally. She wants me to talk to her, to make things right. She lives 600 miles away , wants to come see her mother but her lifestyle doesnt make that likely right now - hopefully she will make it though. But I'm not ready - can't deal with her drink anymore , on past form we will get back but right now it doesnt seem possible. I texted Her other 2 children, both adults with their own kids, her son hasn't been in touch for years - estranged for reasons I wont get into - kinda like mine though. He left a message he would visit in a few days. I wont say what I think of that. But her other daughter did show up to see her. so my guilt is assuaged. If that gram is to be the last, I'll need more subs, from past experience I do need at least a week without gear before jumping off taper - I've 5x2mg left...

 

[d3athadone]

your a good writer man you should write a novel. As soon as you started writing I was captivated.

 

[herbavore]

Seems like this is one of life's big crossroads and deep down you are aware of that. Take care of you. When you are strong you can take care of others.