Right before I graduated my rehab treatment, I had a relapse. I was going on two month's sober and my case manager didn't want to graduate me so soon after a relapse but he had no choice because my insurance was out and there was no way I was going to self-pay to hear the same shit I had been hearing four times a week, three hours a day, for three months.
Now I am starting to re-consider my decision about not doing self-pay or even just attending my required 4 N.A. meetings so I can go to aftercare. Reason being is that up till now...that hasn't been my only relapse. A month after my first one I had a second, then about two weeks later I had another, followed by one a week later, and I'm sure you can guess how it kept progressing. Basically now for the past 2-3 weeks I've been using heroin IV again 2-4 times within a 24-hour period. Yesterday was the first time that I had to go two days without dope and I remember feeling like I was fucking dying before I was able to go into a nearby burger king bathroom to "get well". It wasn't as bad as being dope sick was when I had my real habit but it was enough to make me go out and spend my last $40 on a 1/2 G of smack.
I can't believe how hard it is to give up this shit. It's like a part of me wants that sober life without heroin...but another part of me doesn't want to forget that comfort heroin brings.
Now I am starting to re-consider my decision about not doing self-pay or even just attending my required 4 N.A. meetings so I can go to aftercare. Reason being is that up till now...that hasn't been my only relapse. A month after my first one I had a second, then about two weeks later I had another, followed by one a week later, and I'm sure you can guess how it kept progressing. Basically now for the past 2-3 weeks I've been using heroin IV again 2-4 times within a 24-hour period. Yesterday was the first time that I had to go two days without dope and I remember feeling like I was fucking dying before I was able to go into a nearby burger king bathroom to "get well". It wasn't as bad as being dope sick was when I had my real habit but it was enough to make me go out and spend my last $40 on a 1/2 G of smack.
I can't believe how hard it is to give up this shit. It's like a part of me wants that sober life without heroin...but another part of me doesn't want to forget that comfort heroin brings.