Well, for the first time in what seems like an eternity, I've had a fucking solid day.
I've been taking this introductory course to Asian Philosophy, and we've been going over Hinduism, which I've been finding really interesting. There's this idea that humans are pretty much blinded to reality, that we get so caught up in superficial problems and ideals, that we really only see a small fraction of the human experience.
I've never thought of myself as being especially "spiritual", but this particular concept strikes me as being true.
Most days, I am a quiet person, who keeps to himself, and gets lost in both worry and fantasy. I'll see a Levis or Calvin Klien billboard, and torture myself with endless self contained conversations, all concluding with "In a culture like this, I was destined to lose from day one!" Very melodramatic, very boring.
But then there are days like today, where there's some kind of crazy, spontaneous energy that just shoots through me. I feel more than alive, I feel like some kind of God.
I had two and a half hours to kill in between classes, so I stayed on campus through my break. I met up with some friends outside, and I had a smoke with them, and took a walk around the block when they went back up to class. After three cigarette's, I decided to go into the cafeteria to eat my peanut butter sandwich, and do some drawings.
I sat down and pulled out my sketch book, and just began jotting down everything in sight. I was jumping from one person to the next, looking straight at them, marking each contour with a quick thrust of the wrist. Each line by itself was nothing but a meaningless abstract form, but as they piled on top of each other , they formed a single, convincing illusion. It didn't feel like drawing, it felt like some kind of insane dance, and I became entranced.
Every word I spoke was poetry. I was cutting, I was perceptive, I was articulate, and I felt intelligent. I talked and people listened. I walked, and people followed. (okay, there's a little exaggeration going on here)I got into this bizarre argument over whether Christianity was the cause of the decline of intellectualism and art in Rome and Constantinople, and I won!
I left school feeling connected, plugged in. I was confident in my friendships, I felt solid in my feet. And I didn't stop to worry about how this "up", would eventually come down.
And now I'm sitting here typing this, about to go to bed, and I still feel that clarity. It's not as sharp or bright, but it's still there. In the days to come, I have no doubt that I'll sink back at times into long periods of resentment and apathy. I'll perhaps look back at this post and think, "shit, who was I kidding?" But I know that there will also be more days like this, where everything's just dead on.
I've been taking this introductory course to Asian Philosophy, and we've been going over Hinduism, which I've been finding really interesting. There's this idea that humans are pretty much blinded to reality, that we get so caught up in superficial problems and ideals, that we really only see a small fraction of the human experience.
I've never thought of myself as being especially "spiritual", but this particular concept strikes me as being true.
Most days, I am a quiet person, who keeps to himself, and gets lost in both worry and fantasy. I'll see a Levis or Calvin Klien billboard, and torture myself with endless self contained conversations, all concluding with "In a culture like this, I was destined to lose from day one!" Very melodramatic, very boring.
But then there are days like today, where there's some kind of crazy, spontaneous energy that just shoots through me. I feel more than alive, I feel like some kind of God.
I had two and a half hours to kill in between classes, so I stayed on campus through my break. I met up with some friends outside, and I had a smoke with them, and took a walk around the block when they went back up to class. After three cigarette's, I decided to go into the cafeteria to eat my peanut butter sandwich, and do some drawings.
I sat down and pulled out my sketch book, and just began jotting down everything in sight. I was jumping from one person to the next, looking straight at them, marking each contour with a quick thrust of the wrist. Each line by itself was nothing but a meaningless abstract form, but as they piled on top of each other , they formed a single, convincing illusion. It didn't feel like drawing, it felt like some kind of insane dance, and I became entranced.
Every word I spoke was poetry. I was cutting, I was perceptive, I was articulate, and I felt intelligent. I talked and people listened. I walked, and people followed. (okay, there's a little exaggeration going on here)I got into this bizarre argument over whether Christianity was the cause of the decline of intellectualism and art in Rome and Constantinople, and I won!
I left school feeling connected, plugged in. I was confident in my friendships, I felt solid in my feet. And I didn't stop to worry about how this "up", would eventually come down.
And now I'm sitting here typing this, about to go to bed, and I still feel that clarity. It's not as sharp or bright, but it's still there. In the days to come, I have no doubt that I'll sink back at times into long periods of resentment and apathy. I'll perhaps look back at this post and think, "shit, who was I kidding?" But I know that there will also be more days like this, where everything's just dead on.
