I've been using mdma on and off for the past year And a half. I've always used It with my fiance, we only do it with each other, no one else can be around, it's our special time. It brings our souls to the surface so we can connect in every possible way. However, a little over four months ago (end of June), we met a new person that we could get it from. That person has the strongest stuff I've ever had, we both liked it a lot.
Prior to meeting this New person, we only used mdma once In a while. But ever since the end of june we've been using this "mdma" just about every single weekend. One of the weekends in July we asked for 1 g but instead the guy gave us what looked to be about 3 grams.
In my opinion, that's a lot to do in one evening. Especially considering that we both insuffilate it. Instead of being smart and saving some for later, we did it all. And after that weekend, things were different. We started acting different towards each other when we rolled, it wasn't as sweet and loving, it gradually turned into agitation and annoyance. as time went on, things got much worse.
When we'd run out of "molly" After a long night of rolling, I turn into this mean, agitated asshole And I can't control it, I'd obsessively and compulsively scrap the surface that that drugs were on with hopes of scraping enough for a little line. During the week I'd have terrible cravings And all I could do count Down the hours until it was the weekend And I could finally have my drugs again.
The middle of September is when it finally happened, my fiance and I had been drinking, we ended up getting in a huge fight and she said all I care about is drugs. Our relationship was badly suffering. For weeks I had been thinking about getting the drugs on my own and doing them alone since I was so depressed during the week. But I was too afraid to actually do It. When I left her house that night I was still drunk, and I got ballsy and called our guy.
(Fast forward to the end of September/beginning of October. )
At this point it's been about 3 weeks since contacted our dealer, my fiance has no idea that I have been using (moderate amounts of) "molly" by myself 3 weeks. I'm a total mess, I can't remember what I did the day before, my face is sunken in, And I'm anxious, paranoid, depressed and suicidal. I finally end up telling her, she flips out, tellse she hates me, I beg her not to leave and to my surprise she doesn't leave. Part of me hopes everything is going to change now, I hope we'll stop using and everything will be ok... I told her the truth on a Tuesday..3 days later (Friday) we got more drugs.
September 30th was the day I admitted to my extra drug use and I admitted I had a problem. It is now November 11th and I think there was only one weekend that we didn't do it. I managed to stop doing it by myself for about 3 weeks tho it still do it on weekends. Last week I went and got it on my own again, I came clean shortly after because I ended up in the ER with a racing heart and chest pains caused by excessive use. That night, after I got out of the hospital we got more drugs. That night once I came down, I completely lost it. I saw no purpose in life and I just wanted to die. Part of that episode was caused by lack of sleep,it was terrifying. The next morning (Saturday)after we'd both slept a little bit, we had a long talk and my fiance acknowledged that she's addicted too. Then we swore off "Molly". Its so hard to know we're done with it. I'm losing my mind. I'm afraid for my life. I knew whatever we were getting wasn't MDMA, MDMA isn't supposed to do this to you. I researched the hell out of it for days and it turns out that it's Mephedrone. I'm addicted to Mephedrone.
Prior to meeting this New person, we only used mdma once In a while. But ever since the end of june we've been using this "mdma" just about every single weekend. One of the weekends in July we asked for 1 g but instead the guy gave us what looked to be about 3 grams.
In my opinion, that's a lot to do in one evening. Especially considering that we both insuffilate it. Instead of being smart and saving some for later, we did it all. And after that weekend, things were different. We started acting different towards each other when we rolled, it wasn't as sweet and loving, it gradually turned into agitation and annoyance. as time went on, things got much worse.
When we'd run out of "molly" After a long night of rolling, I turn into this mean, agitated asshole And I can't control it, I'd obsessively and compulsively scrap the surface that that drugs were on with hopes of scraping enough for a little line. During the week I'd have terrible cravings And all I could do count Down the hours until it was the weekend And I could finally have my drugs again.
The middle of September is when it finally happened, my fiance and I had been drinking, we ended up getting in a huge fight and she said all I care about is drugs. Our relationship was badly suffering. For weeks I had been thinking about getting the drugs on my own and doing them alone since I was so depressed during the week. But I was too afraid to actually do It. When I left her house that night I was still drunk, and I got ballsy and called our guy.
(Fast forward to the end of September/beginning of October. )
At this point it's been about 3 weeks since contacted our dealer, my fiance has no idea that I have been using (moderate amounts of) "molly" by myself 3 weeks. I'm a total mess, I can't remember what I did the day before, my face is sunken in, And I'm anxious, paranoid, depressed and suicidal. I finally end up telling her, she flips out, tellse she hates me, I beg her not to leave and to my surprise she doesn't leave. Part of me hopes everything is going to change now, I hope we'll stop using and everything will be ok... I told her the truth on a Tuesday..3 days later (Friday) we got more drugs.
September 30th was the day I admitted to my extra drug use and I admitted I had a problem. It is now November 11th and I think there was only one weekend that we didn't do it. I managed to stop doing it by myself for about 3 weeks tho it still do it on weekends. Last week I went and got it on my own again, I came clean shortly after because I ended up in the ER with a racing heart and chest pains caused by excessive use. That night, after I got out of the hospital we got more drugs. That night once I came down, I completely lost it. I saw no purpose in life and I just wanted to die. Part of that episode was caused by lack of sleep,it was terrifying. The next morning (Saturday)after we'd both slept a little bit, we had a long talk and my fiance acknowledged that she's addicted too. Then we swore off "Molly". Its so hard to know we're done with it. I'm losing my mind. I'm afraid for my life. I knew whatever we were getting wasn't MDMA, MDMA isn't supposed to do this to you. I researched the hell out of it for days and it turns out that it's Mephedrone. I'm addicted to Mephedrone.
So you recognize that your use is pretty compulsive at this point and isn't doing anything good for either of you at all. It's good that your girlfriend could see how she was projecting her own compulsive use onto only you. Now maybe together you can strategize how to end this cycle. If you are already hiding things and keeping secrets then you are really going to have to put some safegaurds in place. First step would be to call the dealer and let him know you are both trying to quit, then delete his number. 
