Wall of text:
I don't usually post here so I'm not sure if there's a writing or description etiquette on or off-the-books I should be abiding by, therefore I apologize in advance if I (for example) share TMI, but anyways, here it goes:
I've been on MMT since January 7th, 2010. In terms of reducing cravings and destructive behavior in relation to my opiate/opioid habit (e.g. using, pawning my stuff to score enough cash for a fix, calling in sick to work because I'm dope sick) it has been a lifesaver. In terms of it helping with my fibromyalgia pain when no other doctor would even consider prescribing me a shorter acting opiate for such a condition, again, it's been fantastic. As a result of me not using anymore (I've been clean for over a year - everything including booze and tobacco, except caffeine), I've been much much more productive, especially financially - and I'm really happy about not waking up every morning and the first thing on my mind constantly being, "when, where and how am I gonna get my fix today?" This is the good news, there's a fair amount of bad, which I can't find any answers for, which is why I'm here in desperation.
Aside from the common side effects of methadone (constipation, sweating, water retention, bloating, some daytime drowsiness/sedation), there's a couple which I cannot seem to control, no mater how hard I try, and it's driving me to the brink of trying to quit cold turkey (at 180mg daily - like that's gonna work):
1) weight gain - I know some people don't gain weight on methadone, but for those who do, has anyone had any success in shedding off that added weight while still on MMT? I've tried eating right, several different diets, starving myself, daily exercise, supplements... nothing's working. The best I've been able to do is stop myself from gaining anymore weight. Since, I've gained about 100 pounds after 26 months, that's not very satisfactory or motivating. Before being on MMT, I was never this big - not even close. And if I wanted to shed some extra pounds, it was really easy.
2) morning sickness - Every single fucking morning I've woken up since starting MMT (with the exception of the first 3 days or so), I feel sick with somewhat flu-like symptoms. I have a nasty headache, my muscles ache, my limbs are swollen, I feel weak, I'm sweating, I feel depressed and anxious at the same time and I also get abdominal cramps below the stomach (small intestinal area). I've been tested for rapid metabolization, which apparently is normal. I also had my testosterone levels measured, since methadone lowers them in men and was found to be well below the normal range - this was about a year ago. Since then, I've been receiving monthly injections of testosterone, which has brought my levels back to normal, and as a result - during the daytime - I have more energy, stamina, agility, endurance, resilience and increased libido. However, it has done nothing to stem the symptoms I consistently wake up with. I've also bought a new, expensive mattress as well as two $70 pillows. I've also tried sleeping in different positions, eating something before going to bed, not eating anything before going to bed, and going to bed early (10pm) as well as late (3am). Nothing I've tried has lessened this "morning sickness." One last thing I did do of recent was trying to research it using google as a starting point and going from there. Again, nothing.
I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired and not being able to come up with some sort of remedy that I've begun to think of euthanasia or suicide. I know it's a one way ticket and I'm never coming back but after two years of this, I'm starting to not care anymore. I just want one goddamn night in which I can get a good night's rest and wake up feeling good and rested - and I'm trying to keep an optimistic attitude/outlook - but, again, after two years of this shit, I fear I will never get that
Does anyone else here on MMT feel this way (morning sickness)? Or has anyone formerly on MMT experienced the aforementioned? More importantly, anyone know if there is there anything I can do/try which may help with either the weight gain or - more importantly - the constant feel-like-shit-mornings? I'm willing to try anything at this point
P.S. - Thank you for taking time out of your lives to read all this mumbling and sorry it's so much
