Omission

[RareForm]

What man has not betrayed
Some sacred trust?
If haply you are made
Of honest dust,
Vaunt not of glory due,
Of triumph won:
Think, think of duties you
Have left undone.

But if in mercy hope,
Despite your sin,
The gates of Heaven ope'
To let you in:
Pray, pray that when God reads
Your judgement due,
He may forget good deeds
You did not do.

Omission sins may be
The bitterest,
And wring in memory
A heart opprest;
So when sweet pity pleads,
Let us not rue
Too late, too late Kind Deeds
We did not do.

 

[DG]

This reminds me of something I read in high school via my history book. I cant remember the name of it for some reason, but if I do ill let you know

Nice job, like always !

 

[E-girl]

^^^ actually reminds me of something i've read in high school literature. shakespearesque, but with more modern words... or something. like it!

 

[neverwas]

i was gonna say medi evil/shakespeary style nice

 

[TiberCross]

i like it alot. excellent rhyme scheme.

 

[Syberduh]

I don't know if this is intentional or not, but you're writing in Iambic pentameter but breaking up the lines as if you aren't. If you keep the pentameter lines intact it looks like this:


What man has not betrayed some sacred trust?
If haply you are made of honest dust,
Vaunt not of glory due, of triumph won:
Think, think of duties you have left undone.

i was gonna say medi evil/shakespeary style nice

Mr. Shakespeare wrote in Iambic pentameter, so it makes sense that you should be reminded of him

Beyond that, it does have a Shakespearean ring to it - like a speech that might appear at the end of a play in one of Shakespeare's sorta-kinda-but-not-really-morals.

 

[RareForm]

Thanks for all of the replies...I wrote this for a contest on another site...

 

[cherub]

Definately rareform style i think. Great input for the contest let me know how it goes

*HUGS*

 

[L O V E L I F E]

If you're entering this in contests, you might want to omit an "m."

Good stuff, though.